STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

Might have found my dream job. Finally starting to feel like things are heading in a positive direction after cancer hell and then getting fired.

Well now I find out this office is moving and my commute will be 50 miles each way. I'm already struggling with fatigue as it is. No way is this gonna work. I'm not so much angry as just devastated. I think more and more I should have just gone on disability after my initial dx.

Just highly beaten with life at the moment.

Mimi,

Your experiences (several posts ago) with Apple and with the elevators at your apartment were HORRIBLE! I hope both issues have been resolved

From an other ex pat Brit - I love this too!

Just so frustrated and upset at this point. Crying due to frustration.

I have a younger brother. Though he was not particularly trying to, I found him hard to deal with today. Being Stage 4, my time is limited which I am acutely aware of. In one breath, my younger brother reminds me that my death could be anytime. In another breath, he is asking why I am not working right now. He thinks I look fine. He even was critical of my head. I keep it bald because my hair did not come back all the way after my brain radiation. He assumes I just want people to look at my craniotomy scar. If I happen to mention cancer, he assumes I spend 24 hours a day thinking about it. It is like I cannot mention it at all. It is just so stressful on me. I even want to see him anymore. I have been crying for a couple of hours. In short, whether he means to or not, he makes me second guess myself and feel badly about myself. I have a mother who keeps telling me to calm down which is not helping. I do not put her in the middle, but need to be left alone to deal with my tears. Nice to be able to write it down here

Mara send your brother a copy of what you posted, he needs to hear what you are saying. Also give one to your mom . Your well being is more important then their hurt feelings, you should be surrounded with love and comfort , not criticism.

God bless you all, None of this is easy for any of us.

Big group hug!! But don't breathe! I have a nasty bug 🐜!!!!! Hang on tight to each other. Sometimes this place is all we have to get it out!! May everyone have everyone in their lives that annoys them to any extent to leave us alone today. May we find something small to smile about each and everyday. Oh and the Ibrance commercial is on with the bouncing Julie. Speaking of parama commercials. I am going To choose to laugh at the timing of this Commerical! Hugs to everyone who has ended up in this shit stew! ~M~

Thanks artista and Lookinforward. I need to stop being over critical of myself and caring what my family thinks. It would make it easier to deal with things. We are close 98 percent of the time, it's just that two percent that is an issue. I also believe my emotions can be amplified with all my brain radiation which is difficult. Today I feel much better. I really appreciate what you both have to say.

I am an emotional nightmare. I would cry at the closing of a Kmart.

You gave me a great well needed laugh with that one today. Thanks.

Blessings x x x

New to the rant page ...just have to let go for five minutes........2015 ...DIL 28 year diagnosed stage IV Bowel cancer, DD dx with adenocarcinoma in situ of cervix..... I was Dx with BC..see below..... Hellish year ..driving 1000k, between AC doses to visit son and DIL ....she passed in August that year.... Daughter wedding two months later 1000 kms the other direction...me with pencilled in eye brows a wig and totally exhausted. 2016 exhaustion ..numb feet ... Chemo brain... Running family business office....son off the rails for a while... Late 2016 climbing markers... Feeling in pit of stomach something wrong.... PET scan jan ? Something on R kidney....... Told to rescan in three months.... February go for portacath flush very breathless.. Nurse wouldn't let me leave straight to emergency... Multiple pulmonary embolism in all four quadrants of my lungs.....5 weeks in hospital getting blood levels right !!

Scan redone ... Lesion on top of right kidney ... Benign or cancerous a possibility.... Opted for robotic controlled partial nephrectomy .... Pathology just came back as Clear Cell Arenal Carcinoma!! Enough is enough ... I have remained positive adjusted lifestyle dealt with two years of the head tilt"how are you" in hushed tones!

I just want to scream ,...I can't believe that after dealing with numb feet from taxol ,chemo brain and the joys of AI's to now face this .....what the...

Prayers please ... And perhaps a big field that I can stand in the middle of to scream.... Now back to the hushed tones, avoidance or worse..". You have done it before so what's the worry !" Aaaaaaarrggh

yoxter~ i am always sorry to hear of such a hard time for someone to go through. I am just beginning really a year and a half out, but straight to stage four do not pass go or collect shit!! It still seems like forever to me becaus everyday has been a new struggle!I have some major loser family issues. Not my immediate DH or DD or DS or DSS, this is the brothers, sisters, father, step monster and a few other Gems. This Is my thought on them!

Good~ lol at you laughing. That made me smile too! I guess I'm a wreck.! I try so hard but am so emotional! No day is ever easy once we bathe in the cancer shit stew. I am just praying for a cure. Or.. treatments that don't make you want to crawl our of your own skin on a daily basis, throw us a bone here people!!!

Peace only today! ~M~

Bosom, I tend to agree with you. Plus, I feel it gets patients who are on a generic drug or older less expensive drug to push for the newer one which is more expensive. I think people feel if it's newer its got to be better.

👍🏾so true!

yes yes it does. As I sit here with tears running down my face yet again. Everyday really. I don't even want to wake up anymore. If I am honest with myself. Truly honest. I am tired. And I am getting weak. They don't call this a battle for nothing. I am starting to think that word doesn't even fit. It's more like a death hunger games. You don't know what will happen once you're in that arena. The cancer arena. Hugs to anyone's that needs one. ~M~

Micmel, from your signature line you have bone mets. If it is physical pain that is causing you so much anguish, there is a lot you can do. I tried Fentanyl patches, but nausea was a big side effect for me. Rads made all the difference. I had some treatment for 5 days and some for 10. Within a few days each time I was off my walking stick and pain free. Another option is Oxycontin (slow release) and oxycodone for break through pain.

You do not have to suffer. If your GP is not helpful contact palliative care, they are great with sorting out pain relief.

Medical cannabis for pain, if you live in a green state, ladies. Oxy and other opioids often don't work for people with deep bone and nerve pain. They certainly didn't work for me.

Another crappy thing was even tho I was only on them (when 1st dx'd St 4 de novo) for about 6 weeks, only taking 2 or 3 pills max a day, I STILL had mild withdrawal when my MO made me get off them because they were jacking with my liver enzymes. Some opioids are very hard on the liver. Many opioids are cut with other analgesics. Tylenol/acetaminophen messes with the liver and Advil/ibuprofen can be hard on the kidneys.

Also, talk to palliative people about fatigue, too. Lots of women still have to work while on chemo, and battling St 4 daily. They can help with that. No, it won't be like it was when you were 35, but it will be better than doing nothing.

Hugs, everyone, L