When does the surreal feeling end?

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finallyoverit
finallyoverit Member Posts: 382
edited July 2017 in Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY

Long story.. but I'll try the condensed version. I was rushed into emergency spinal surgery about 2 months ago because of a tumor on my spine that was compressing my spinal cord. My MO told me if surgery had been delayed another week, I would likely be in a wheelchair.

So, with less than 24 hour notice, I had major spinal surgery. Of course we knew from the MRI that it was spinal mets.

The last 2 months have been consumed with healing and getting a treatment plan in place. For some reason it all still feels surreal. I'm not in denial, I fully understand what this means but I have yet to break down about it. For some odd reason, when I went through this crap years ago, I had a feeling it wouldn't be my last go around with it. Maybe that's why I'm not so surprised or have had any sort of reaction? Not sure.. totally sucks at any age, but definitely not what you expect at 42.

We don't know how long we have left, but ry surreal to me that I likely won't see my 60s. That just flat out sucks.

Sorry ladies, just had to get that off my chest tonight.

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  • Kandy
    Kandy Member Posts: 1,461
    edited July 2017

    I think I really understand what you are saying. When I was first diagnosed in 09, somehow I knew that it was coming back. Four years later when it did come back, I also had no reaction and still haven't. It was no surprise to me and in a way, I sorta relaxed about it. I know that is strange but it was like the stress of when and where it was coming back had been answered. I worked in the medical field for over 30 years, it still seems like I'm talking about a patient and not talking about myself. Really strange feelings. But I do agree, totally sucks. Wishing you the best.

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  • pajim
    pajim Member Posts: 2,785
    edited July 2017

    finallyoverit, I've been exactly where you are only I had 4 days notice before the spinal surgery at age 44. I didn't break down either and here's the reason -- percocet.

    The first few months of a mets diagnosis seem to be what I would call a "shock and awe" period. Except I never experienced it. It was the week in the hospital and eight weeks on the opioids. It gave me a sort of buffer between me and reality. By the time I came out of it, I was used to this whole idea.

    FYI I turn 50 next year and am planning to play golf on my birthday. [I don't expect to see 60 either and yes it sucks]

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  • finallyoverit
    finallyoverit Member Posts: 382
    edited July 2017

    Thanks for the validation, ladies. Truly means a lot.

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  • Sadiesservant
    Sadiesservant Member Posts: 1,995
    edited July 2017

    Hi Finallyoverit,

    I have also had a similar experience since being diagnosed with mets in January. I've had a few moments but have really had little reaction to the news beyond trying to wrap my head around how best to plan/live my abbreviated future. I cried my tears in 2001 when I was originally diagnosed (at 38) as I also knew that it would come back to bite me some day. I had a good run but here we are. Now, at 55, I'm hoping to make 60 but all those years of retirement I saved for have evaporated

    The biggest issue for me is trying to find a way to cope with life's demands while ticking off the bucket list given the side effects of treatment. I'm still working full time but Ibrance is wiping me out, I'm just so tired by the end of the day and I have issues with my pleural effusion. Played a couple of rounds of golf last week while on vacation but had to use a cart and got winded getting out of a bunker!

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  • pajim
    pajim Member Posts: 2,785
    edited July 2017

    I do want to say for the people reading this thread that everyone is different. Some women cry for three months straight. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Others don't cry at all. Nothing wrong with that either.

    The entire continuum of reactions to the diagnosis of this disease are valid. None is 'better' than another. We each experience life differently.

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  • MARIONSGIRL
    MARIONSGIRL Member Posts: 59
    edited July 2017

    It has only been two years since my diagnosis and it still feels surreal! I have never cried and don't know why since the rest of my family has. I survived chemo, radiation and now am on Tamoxifen after a year of Aromasin. I feel good and happy to be seen by the staff at Dana Farber. God bless all of us!

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  • MARIONSGIRL
    MARIONSGIRL Member Posts: 59
    edited July 2017

    It has only been two years since my diagnosis and it still feels surreal! I have never cried and don't know why since the rest of my family has. I survived chemo, radiation and now am on Tamoxifen after a year of Aromasin. I feel good and happy to be seen by the staff at Dana Farber. God bless all of us!

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  • Sadiesservant
    Sadiesservant Member Posts: 1,995
    edited July 2017

    Hi Marionsgirl,

    I'm not sure if you realized but you are posting on a Stage IV only thread.

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