Letting go of the fear- post treatment

I'm sorry to hear about your friend's diagnosis. For me, the answer is that I haven't been diagnosed with a recurrence today. So since that is the truth I'm living with now, I live there.

It took me about 18 months for my thinking to come around. I was so busy that first year dealing with genetic testing, three surgeries, chemo, sepsis, and hair loss, I really didn't have time to consider what all was happening to me. Healing from my BMX took a reeeeeally long time, about 5 months, left me with depression and horrible scarring. Mental healing is ongoing.

It's been 2 years since I was diagnosed. At this point, I don't worry so much as I did. I've had a lot of other stuff to concentrate on--supporting my husband through aggressive prostate cancer treatment and caring for my mother in her last months of life. Now I'm concentrating on fixing up her house and selling it, while I am also having my own home renovated in anticipation of putting it on the market in August. I still need to have reconstruction. I think once I get that ball rolling, I'll have more closure. I've scheduled twice and had to cancel, due to downturns in my mother's health.

Honestly, I think it's hard to move on. I'm still processing everything, but my feeling is that if the cancer comes back, well, I'll deal with it then. I just can't live in that fear. I can't. It's a time and energy waster. So, I mostly go blissfully along, on the assumption that I am indeed NED and will remain NED for the near and distant future. Pysch drugs help.

jbburlington, Living in the moment is a very wise goal. It is harder for me some days than others. I strive for balance. Enough work, enough play. Enough attention to my health, enough letting go of paying attention. I try my best to let go of those things that I can't control, but again, some days are harder than others. Filling my life with activities and people I enjoy is time well spent, regardless of how much time I have left. I try to keep that firmly in mind. Although, some days, all I want to do is lounge on a raft heading down the river with a cold toddy in my hand 14 years NED is a good start.