Poem of life forever changed by the big C, I can't take anymore!

The website shrunk the picture below, too small to read, so here it is typed out....

I am forever alone... lost in a world of pain

Physical pain, More than I can take, What's happened to my life, It must be a mistake

Barely a day goes by, When it doesn't make me cry, And then there are the days, I pray I will die

Always in a drugged stupor, From so damn many pills, They help some with the pain, But cause many more ills

So on top of the pain, I feel dizzy and weak, And nauseous and tired, Making life very bleak

The fatigue is unyielding, I've never been so tired, Yet at five in the morning, I'm totally wired

I usually don't sleep, Until the sun has risen, Then spend half the day in bed, My home is my prison

The rest of the time I live in my chair, With TV and iPad in tow, Excitement is now something, My life doesn't know

Again I ask, What's happened to my life, I can't remember what it's like, To live without strife

Emotional Pain, Goes hand in hand, With the Physical Pain, Together they've banned

Anxiety and Depression, And sadness so strong, Completely overwhelming, For so very long

Tears in the morning, And afternoon and night, More days than none, Quite a pitiful sight

Tears from the Pain, Of a body so broken, Tears from the heart, Of what goes unspoken

How many times I lie, And say I'm okay, Hearing the truth, Ruins everyone's day

No one wants to hear, That your pain is so bad, They'd rather pretend, So they don't have to be sad

No one wants to hear, What you're really feeling, If they knew your true thoughts, They indeed would be reeling

It doesn't matter, Whether Family or Friend, They all fail you, With the silence they send

And words mean nothing, When your actions contradict, Alone is alone, Thru thin and thru thick

They feel sorry for you, And say it's not fair, Yet they never come, They don't seem to care

Everything's now a struggle, Even the smallest of things, You really need help, But the phone never rings

Always being there for others, With support and a smile, But when it's your turn, No one goes that extra mile

Everyone is too busy, With work, family and friends, But for you all of that, Has come to an end

What you really need, Is to spend time with others, But you must do the asking, Or else no one bothers

That gets really tiring, And makes you feel lacking, And after a while, You just stop the asking

The world has changed so, With such quick technology, It's all about tweets, posts and pics, With no apology

Everyone seems too busy, For real connections today, I so often feel, I'm just in the way

I've become such a burden, Though people will say no, But with their actions, Their true feelings show

They spend day after day, With everyone but you, You're lucky if you get, An hour or two

So alone I shall stay, In this hell I am living, Hurting and crying, And tired of giving

What happened to my life, I ask again, yes, It used to be so full, So much more than this

And I can say, With the utmost conviction, I fucking hate cancer, It's at fault for my condition

Many people fight it, And get their life back where they started, But for myself, The evil has never departed

Surgeries and Chemo, Took such a huge toll, And left me so broken, Body and Soul

No more parties with friends, Or having drinks on the town, No more shopping or movies, Or just walking around

It's now all about, Wheelchairs, walkers and canes, Can't go too far, As my energy wanes

I've aged from fifty to eighty, In these past three years, It's no wonder I have a supply, Of never-ending tears

People say that I'm strong, That I've handled it with grace, But no one really knows, I've finished in last place

It's so hard to keep fighting, With the future so grim, With each and every day, My light gets more dim

So alone I shall stay, In this hell I am living, Hurting and crying, And tired of giving

I am forever alone... lost in a world of pain

And now the damn cancer, that started it all, has decided to spread, can you imagine the gall

In the back of my mind, a recurrence was dreaded, now I don't know, where my life is headed

Metastatic they call it, Advanced and Stage IV, give me a break, I can't take anymore

They say it is chronic, and there is no cure, how much time do I have, no one is quite sure

The one thing I do know, that I will always be, doing some kind of treatment, from here to eternity

Hormones and chemos, and maybe radiation, hoping the cancer, will take a vacation

Even if it does go away, from time to time, it can always come back, at the drop of a dime

It will always be with me, the damn cancer disease, killing me slowly, with much too much ease

Then there's the side effects, they are very real, too many to name, with which I must deal

It's all about balance now, with the treatments they're giving, trying not to be too harsh, otherwise it's not worth living

It's such a fine line, of what I can take, my life was already, no piece of cake

With all of the pain, and many unwell days, so many meds, and being in a haze

I have no idea, of how I can cope, cancer on top of everything else, and living with no hope

I suffered depression before, and am fighting it still, it is just so hard, when the battle is all uphill

And the last of the friends, have hit the road, they didn't want to deal, with such a sad load

My sons and grandkids, are my only light left, and the thought of leaving them, makes me just too bereft

Knowing I won't see them grow up, hurts so much inside, it just breaks my heart, they're my joy and pride

I'm very afraid, the little ones will forget me, we're so very close, please don't let that be

The end will come, much sooner than expected, it's just not the life, that I had expected

Being disabled, living on food stamps and Medicaid, these are definitely not, the life plans I made

Losing so much, including my house, fuck you cancer, and fuck my ex-spouse

Why do awful things happen, to people that are good, while the bad ones have no troubles, it's not to be understood

I'll just never get it, I'm kind and caring to all, always helping others, why must I take the fall

Whatever is out there, God or angels or universe, what did I do, to receive such a curse

I'm done living for others, have to put myself first now, and get thru whatever is left of my life, somehow