Feeling like I opened Pandora's Box
I had my first mammogram on June 26, called back for a biopsy on the left side for a suspicious lump and for a second mammogram on the right for a group of calcifications. The lump freaked me out, particularly when I was laying there and they were measuring it...it just became so real. So I was sooooo relieved when they told me it was a cyst, but would watch it closely. Then the bomb--the calcifications, which I wasn't worried about, are suspicious for malignancy, BIRADS 4, have to have a stereotactic biopsy. I am having it and a galactography this friday the 14th. I know the percentage is on my side, but that is not all to my story. About a month and a half ago, I had genetic testing, which I tested positive for the MSH6 gene and was diagnosed with Lynch Syndrome. (My mom is currently undergoing treatment for Stage III ovarian cancer). For those who don't know what this means, essentially I have a higher rate of cancer occurrence in my colon, digestive system, uterus and ovaries. So testing positive means a whole host of tests at 41--colonoscopy, pelvic ultrasounds, endoscopy, etc. So we threw in the mammogram, "just to be safe". I was prepared for the other stuff, well sort of, but not for this at all. My pelvic ultrasound I had around the same time revealed a problematic complex cyst so I am scheduled to have my ovaries removed on the 8th of August (had a hysterectomy a couple years ago). So right now, I have to get ready for all that entails--at best a surgery and recovery, at worst, a cancer diagnosis, plus I have to go through a endoscopy and colonoscopy in 2 weeks. Like I said, I know the odds are in my favor, 80% being benign, but I just feel like I opened Pandora's box and no matter what I do, I am just waiting for "what's next?" This biopsy has me so I am crying, telling myself not to worry, crying more, completely not able to concentrate, moody, you name it.....I have a great support system, I really do, but they just don't understand that even though there is a good chance it is benign, there is STILL a part of me that says "what if". If the biopsy comes back positive for something, then I am dealing with that AND ovarian issues AND digestive issues. I know in my head that things will all work out the way they are supposed to and one day I will likely look back on this and say, wow, that was tough, but I got through it, but my emotions are all over the place. I guess I am just looking for support, it seems like friday will never get here and I am a mess. I am trying to take it day by day, but it is hard. I know you have all been here in some way and I am hoping that being here will help since you can relate.
Comments
-
mom, I went through something very similar. I had a rare and huge ovarian cancer. Getting into the "system" triggered all kinds of similar stuff for me after my surgery. After having my mammogram and biopsies, I was diagnosed with LCIS, then referred for genetic testing, including for Lynch because my paternal grandmother died of colorectal cancer, my dad's sister had it and my dad grows really big "bad" polyps very quickly. Colonoscopy - I had a few polyps. Genetic testing was negative for me, so things settled down after a hard year, but I still require frequent monitoring on the breast, pelvic and colon issues.
-
I can also relate. I was diagnosed at 38, so went ahead and had my first colonoscopy because colon ca is rampant in my mother's side of the family. They found several polyps and now I'm on increased monitoring, having had 2 more over the years, and due for another. No one recommended genetic testing back then (14 years ago) but it is still a consideration (a Lynch-type variant being on the list of suspicion). The "Pandora's box" feeling is familiar. I try to take each thing as it comes, now, not focusing too far ahead. That seems to help me. I've also worked quite a bit in mindfulness and breathing, which help when I get overwhelmed. You are not alone! Try to stay as busy as you can so your mind is distracted between now and Friday. Sending you calming energy and gentle ((hugs))
-
Thank you both......i appreciate your kind words.....MTwoman, you are right, right now, distraction is key and I think some meditative breathing and mindfulness will prove to be most helpful. I know I can do this, I am not alone and I can do this. The nurse that will be working with me on friday called a bit ago to go over instructions and how the procedure will work. That actually was calming because for me, the unknown is the worst. I need to be able to plan ahead and account for the outcome. I have just been so taken aback by all this that I can wrap my head around what I will do if it isn't benign and that scares the bejeezies out of me. With the ovaries, I had a little time to process that, go over it in my head, develop a plan, but with this, I am just not there yet. I will keep you updated as things progress. Thank you again.
-
If it's helpful, I took music/headphones with me everywhere I went. (they even let me have it in nuclear medicine when we were doing the dye injections and mapping my sentinel nodes). I had some music pre-selected through experimentation and practice at home, that had the right tempo to encourage even breathing and I would play it in waiting rooms or wherever I needed. It was just the right amount of distraction for me, as waiting rooms were a bit too nerve wracking to read anything (another useful 'escape' tool for me). You can do this. Find what works for you. Being able to distract yourself and calm yourself are really critical skills that will serve you well.
If talking through things with the nurse was helpful, maybe there is a navigator at your center. I had a nurse navigator who would meet with me and talk through procedures, options, etc that I found really helpful. We're "in your pocket" when you need us!
-
I can understand why you're feeling overwhelmed with all of this. I had comprehensive genetic testing because I had a malignant colon polyp removed at age 30 and invasive lobular breast cancer at 42. No mutations were found but I chose to have a hysterectomy and oophorectomy at 43. No further cancer was found after that surgery but I'm glad I did it. They will look at all tissue removed during your surgery so hopefully instead of a cancer diagnosis, you can be reassured that there was no cancer there! And while the odds are in your favor for the breast biopsy, I can understand why you're nervous. We are here's to support you each step of the way. You also might try googling for Lynch support boards as there aren't whole lot of members here who post about that. Please keep us posted!
-
Thank you again, great suggestion for relaxation and for checking out some Lynch support boards. I am so all over the place right now, it is difficult to know where to turn. Two more days until the biopsy. I will definitely keep you posted. I just really appreciate the support here, just really appreciate it.
-
I just wanted to check in and let you know that I found out friday that things are benign. I have a lot more to my journey, but at least this part is over for a bit. Thank you so much for your support and kind thoughts.
-
-
Great news!
-
I'm so glad you have at least that part squared away for now.
Categories
- All Categories
- 679 Advocacy and Fund-Raising
- 289 Advocacy
- 68 I've Donated to Breastcancer.org in honor of....
- Test
- 322 Walks, Runs and Fundraising Events for Breastcancer.org
- 5.6K Community Connections
- 282 Middle Age 40-60(ish) Years Old With Breast Cancer
- 53 Australians and New Zealanders Affected by Breast Cancer
- 208 Black Women or Men With Breast Cancer
- 684 Canadians Affected by Breast Cancer
- 1.5K Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
- 455 Caring for Someone with Stage IV or Mets
- 260 High Risk of Recurrence or Second Breast Cancer
- 22 International, Non-English Speakers With Breast Cancer
- 16 Latinas/Hispanics With Breast Cancer
- 189 LGBTQA+ With Breast Cancer
- 152 May Their Memory Live On
- 85 Member Matchup & Virtual Support Meetups
- 375 Members by Location
- 291 Older Than 60 Years Old With Breast Cancer
- 177 Singles With Breast Cancer
- 869 Young With Breast Cancer
- 50.4K Connecting With Others Who Have a Similar Diagnosis
- 204 Breast Cancer with Another Diagnosis or Comorbidity
- 4K DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ)
- 79 DCIS plus HER2-positive Microinvasion
- 529 Genetic Testing
- 2.2K HER2+ (Positive) Breast Cancer
- 1.5K IBC (Inflammatory Breast Cancer)
- 3.4K IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma)
- 1.5K ILC (Invasive Lobular Carcinoma)
- 999 Just Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastasis
- 652 LCIS (Lobular Carcinoma In Situ)
- 193 Less Common Types of Breast Cancer
- 252 Male Breast Cancer
- 86 Mixed Type Breast Cancer
- 3.1K Not Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastases but Concerned
- 189 Palliative Therapy/Hospice Care
- 488 Second or Third Breast Cancer
- 1.2K Stage I Breast Cancer
- 313 Stage II Breast Cancer
- 3.8K Stage III Breast Cancer
- 2.5K Triple-Negative Breast Cancer
- 13.1K Day-to-Day Matters
- 132 All things COVID-19 or coronavirus
- 87 BCO Free-Cycle: Give or Trade Items Related to Breast Cancer
- 5.9K Clinical Trials, Research News, Podcasts, and Study Results
- 86 Coping with Holidays, Special Days and Anniversaries
- 828 Employment, Insurance, and Other Financial Issues
- 101 Family and Family Planning Matters
- Family Issues for Those Who Have Breast Cancer
- 26 Furry friends
- 1.8K Humor and Games
- 1.6K Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts
- 706 Recipe Swap for Healthy Living
- 704 Recommend Your Resources
- 171 Sex & Relationship Matters
- 9 The Political Corner
- 874 Working on Your Fitness
- 4.5K Moving On & Finding Inspiration After Breast Cancer
- 394 Bonded by Breast Cancer
- 3.1K Life After Breast Cancer
- 806 Prayers and Spiritual Support
- 285 Who or What Inspires You?
- 28.7K Not Diagnosed But Concerned
- 1K Benign Breast Conditions
- 2.3K High Risk for Breast Cancer
- 18K Not Diagnosed But Worried
- 7.4K Waiting for Test Results
- 603 Site News and Announcements
- 560 Comments, Suggestions, Feature Requests
- 39 Mod Announcements, Breastcancer.org News, Blog Entries, Podcasts
- 4 Survey, Interview and Participant Requests: Need your Help!
- 61.9K Tests, Treatments & Side Effects
- 586 Alternative Medicine
- 255 Bone Health and Bone Loss
- 11.4K Breast Reconstruction
- 7.9K Chemotherapy - Before, During, and After
- 2.7K Complementary and Holistic Medicine and Treatment
- 775 Diagnosed and Waiting for Test Results
- 7.8K Hormonal Therapy - Before, During, and After
- 50 Immunotherapy - Before, During, and After
- 7.4K Just Diagnosed
- 1.4K Living Without Reconstruction After a Mastectomy
- 5.2K Lymphedema
- 3.6K Managing Side Effects of Breast Cancer and Its Treatment
- 591 Pain
- 3.9K Radiation Therapy - Before, During, and After
- 8.4K Surgery - Before, During, and After
- 109 Welcome to Breastcancer.org
- 98 Acknowledging and honoring our Community
- 11 Info & Resources for New Patients & Members From the Team