What kind of help was actually helpful during chemo?

I say it is absolutely 100% okay to take any and all offers during this trying time. It is so nice of people to offer. I accepted gift cards and my sister even sent me a check. Normally I would say no way but it will be nice not having to worry about some things while you start treatment. It

My husband hated accepting help. But my teenage daughter loved it! We accepted dinner help on Wednesday nights, when my husband taught an evening class and couldn't come home to help. We also accepted help with:

1) dropping teenage daughter off at sports practices (she didn't have her license yet);

2) financial assistance which helped us purchase a new swing set for our autistic twins (who use swinging to de-stress; our old swingset was rotting);

3) shopping for specific items we used often (e.g., items that were used in the twins' lunch boxes);

4) help with the twins with autism; one of my sons became violent/aggressive as he went through puberty.

Two friends set up group on "Lots-A-Helping Hands," and people signed up to help. It allowed me to specify dates for help, as well as to specify specific requests like what kinds of food to bring. In the end, I was requesting Subway turkey subs.....

Hubby hated to ask for help. But, whatever. We needed to acknowledge that we couldn't do it all ourselves. It was a relief to me. I don't regret asking for help because I had to look after myself to some extent.

Hubby and Son got together and desided that Hubby (34 yrs then) would take over house 'chores', cooking, dogs and my Bunny chores. Son (31) took over all horse/barn chores. (My other 'Sons' also helped out in so many ways that I probably never knew.) So all I 'needed' to do was what I WANTED to do. Everything was taken care but I could do any/everything I wanted to do. Being a Navy wife for the first 19 1/2 yrs we were married, I had always had to be the one that took care of 'whatever'. (As Son knew also.)

In many ways what was the 'worst' to me was when I got DX was to tell Hubby as he had lost his Mom to Uterine Cancer when he was 9, that I had a IBC DX. That was almost 8 yrs ago. He has his strengths and is there for me, I have my strengths and am there for him.

Each of us is unique as are loved ones. There is no one 'right or wrong' way to handle/deal with any of the journey for us individually or our loved one.

Absolutely let them help. My friends did a meal the day of chemo and then every other night for abt 3 more meals. By that point I would be feeling better and could cook. If they ask what your family likes - be honest. It isn't helpful if it is food your family doesn't like. I typically didn't feel like eating much the first few days, but my husband and children enjoyed. Many gave us gift cards which was really nice as well. I also have a friend who has been sending someone to clean my house. It is hard to accept help, but people really do want to do something.

It is hard and difficult to accept help, but it was one of the lessons of cancer for me.  Say yes to help!

The three  biggest areas I had difficulty with was (1) Getting groceries - friends volunteered and I either let

them take me to grocery store and help me shop or get items I needed on their own.  Going to the Grocery Store

was really difficult for me.

(2)  Cleaning my house - my sister cleaned for me on several occasions and then as I started to get better,

she cleaned with me.  It was such a HUGE help!

(3)  My garden - my cousins came over and planted my entire flower garden!  I could not do it and it meant so

much to me.  Five years later, it still brings tears to my eyes.

Yes, accept their offers! People who care about you really DO want to help, and it makes them feel good too when they can actually do something useful (and you can return the favor later, because you will know how meaningful it is for all involved). I was teaching when I was doing chemo, and teachers organized a 'meal tree' and brought us dinner a couple times a week. This was HUGE for me because tastes, smells etc. made me queasy and I had a husband and big eating teenage son still at home who needed to eat. People always brought enough so that there was enough for leftovers. (Since the food was there, it made me eat try to eat something other mashed potatoes!). I also did radiation, which meant a daily 100 mile drive to the cancer center, luckily that was in the summer, and when people asked what else they could do, I'd pull out a calendar I say they could drive me to my treatment, I never had to drive once!). I kept the name of people and how they helped me out and at the end sent out hearfelt Thank You cards to each one of them.