I can't get my act together and I don't know why

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  • newvickie
    newvickie Member Posts: 3,939
    edited January 2007

    Actually in a hundred years who will even know what our houses looked like...or care?

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  • gsg
    gsg Member Posts: 3,386
    edited January 2007
    Quote:

    OMG, Patrice - had I known! I don't come to the boards often any more, and I'm so sorry I didn't know you were "wiggin' out" for a while. We absolutely must get together, okay??? PM me and let me know what's up with your schedule. With the Senate back, are you working all week?

    I was so where you have been after my surgery last year. I felt like - who cares if my house is cleaned or not? (I still feel that way, I must be honest!)

    In the grand scheme of things - houses matter not. But how you feel about it does! Don't fret!



    thanks for the phone call, billie. you are sooo sweet! AND i actually managed to get my dishwasher unloaded and loaded while we spoke. you should call me for an hour each day and i'll work while we talk...so this time next year, it should be decluttered enough to call in the Maid Brigade!
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  • gsg
    gsg Member Posts: 3,386
    edited January 2007
    Quote:

    oops...heres the actual link
    http://community.breastcancer.org/ubbthr...true#Post477781



    thanks for the link, vicki. and you're right...100 years from now nobody will care about what our houses looked like.
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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited January 2007
    I really should be in bed. Stayed up much to late last night..actually this morning. But I sit here and laugh at all of you.

    Shirlann, you summed it up.

    Maybe tomorrow I'll unpack my clothes and that I used over Christmas.
    Shirley
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  • dazedandconfused
    dazedandconfused Member Posts: 44
    edited January 2007

    OK.......I felt just like you a few years back. I infact joined flylady and yes it was fun. It all sounds so simple but it gives you some direction. I think I may have to join it again!!!!!!!!!

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  • sherloc
    sherloc Member Posts: 1,047
    edited January 2007
    Ladies you have made my morning. Thank you so much. I thought I was the only one. I am 2.5 years post treatment. I didn't have chemo. Surgery, rads, surgery, tamox, surgery, arimidex, tamox. I feel like I should be all better. And I am except at home. Here I sit and mope. I spend hours on this box cause I have no desire to do anything else. Only reason my house isn't in the "to be condemned" catagory is I used to be a flylady groupie. Uncluttered long before bc. Well sorta kinda, it's all in the basement and I don't go down there cause thats where the bats live. But o my gosh, the spiders and dust bunnies have taken over and I don't care. I tried effexor for a week. Put me in zombie land. Everyone says try another till you find one that works. But I don't want to. I'm not depressed, I just don't really give a bats behind anymore. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of being in pain. Doctors don't give a squat. Can't tell you how many times I've heard "Thats not related to your cancer Mrs Larson." I say Bullshit. EVERYTHING is related to my cancer.
    However on a cheerier note. I have discovered spending money is quite the rush. I used to be the ultimate cheapskate. Now I can spend hours shopping. And never have a moments guilt. Ain't that grand.
    Another tip from the Flylady....Have nothing in your house that doesn't make you smile.
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  • auntgina
    auntgina Member Posts: 58
    edited January 2007

    My sntiments exactly. Finished rads 11/20 and can't get any energy. Going back to work 1/17. No idea how I'm going to do it. Virginia

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  • roseg
    roseg Member Posts: 3,133
    edited January 2007
    I'm all for calling in the Maid Brigade now!

    I find that someone come regularly gets me on a schedule. Instead of spending my time washing the floor and bathrooms I can sort and prioritize stuff.
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  • Shirlann
    Shirlann Member Posts: 3,302
    edited January 2007
    Hey Shirley, I really believe you, a "Bats behind?" hahhaa,

    Hang in there sweetie, you will be fine. It just so much longer than we are used to for illness' and stuff. But it is so typical and knowing this really does help.

    Hugs and kisses and I wish I could come and help with the house.

    We need a roaming team of BC.Org gals to go around the country like the guys with the big check, and instead, we could bring brooms and mops!

    Love you all, you are my sisters.

    Shirlann
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  • BJAlexandria
    BJAlexandria Member Posts: 96
    edited January 2007
    "apologies if I repeat myself . . . can't remember Jack."

    Hmmmm - I remember Jack alright - it's DHs #1, #2 and #3 that are fuzzy.

    Glad your dishes got done last night - now how about those clothes?!
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  • myrnaincabc
    myrnaincabc Member Posts: 76
    edited January 2007
    you guys are great and I love you! I am on the fence a lot in between crying at everything, taking pain pills , and coming home early from work to nap/hide to: exercise, listen to music, and dance. Yep one minute Im ready to jump off a cliff/ the next Im dancing with my I pod going/ Maby its the exercise I think Im getting some sort of high from it and it is addictive ( maby have to give up the pills). Heck I dont know but at this monent Im OK= cant believe I just said that but its true/ tomorrow maby be back to crying but OK right now. You all really have helped me just to have a place to come to, and feel free to say how I feel, maby there really are good days ahead ( or at least monents)One thing for sure is I wouldnt have made it this far without fellow sisters like all of you, thanks for listening
    Myrna
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  • KarenEW
    KarenEW Member Posts: 1
    edited January 2007
    I finished RT early August 06 and I can certainly relate to all of the above. Normally a very optimistic person, I found I no longer cared about much of anything. Not known for my housekeeping skills anyway, and working for the local public health dept, I found I was getting increasingly curious how far I could push it before I could get slapped with a violation. ;-)

    You know that Lance Armstrong commercial where he says “Cancer, you made me who I am today”? I would scream at that commercial. I didn’t like who cancer was making me. I didn’t want to give cancer that much credit or control. I wanted to be able to say, “Cancer, I am who I am today IN SPITE of you!”

    I found that I was slipping into depression. I couldn’t get on with life because the fear of ‘the other shoe dropping’ was beginning to paralyze me. It was time to see a therapist. She suggested 2 things: anti-depressants and a technique called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). I held off on the former, but agreed to try the latter but somewhat skeptically. Afterwards I felt incredibly better! It was scary. I almost felt that I had been reprogrammed.

    I’m not all the way back, yet. I still cry quickly. I still have moments. But I’m starting to like myself again.

    The other thing I did was give myself the best gift I have ever given myself: paid housekeepers. Like Rose, I can spend my time sorting thru things and making forward progress rather than cleaning the floors. I don’t have the energy or the time to do both. Yes, it took an effort to clean up the clutter. There are rooms that I put off limits for them to clean until I can get to them. But I’m trying to form new habits of keeping the clutter down. And it’s sooooo nice to come home from work to a clean house.

    I know I’m fortunate to be able to afford these solutions. But I encourage each of you to find solutions that will work for you. We can’t let this thing win – physically, emotionally, or mentally.

    Karen
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  • gsg
    gsg Member Posts: 3,386
    edited January 2007

    I'm at work and cleaned out a couple drawers in my desk, hoping that might motivate me to do the same thing at home.

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  • NOLONGERREADINGORPOSTING
    NOLONGERREADINGORPOSTING Member Posts: 778
    edited January 2007
    Hello Patrice,

    I haven't read all the responses you got, so I hope I am not repeating anything you've already heard.

    I'm at a much earlier stage than you are in BC, but the way you feel reminds me of how I felt when my father died. As long as I was out of the house, teaching, hanging out with fellow students, in meetings, or riding my bike I was OK. But I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to be alone with myself.

    I think you are grieving the loss of your old identity. You've just gone through a year or more of life that went backwards instead of forwards, which must be very hard for a creative person like you. You don't have recent experiences to draw on to inspire or propel, to push you forward. You are kind of in a funk and you need a little boost to get yourself going again.

    I think an anti-depressant is a great idea. You really don't need to think of it as giving in in any way, because it isn't. The new SRIs (serotegenic reuptake inhibitors) are extremely effective and not habit forming; they use your own body chemistry to give you a little boost. But they are not all exactly alike. Prozac is a great one, and I've been able to lose weight on it. Some women here like Paxel but I personally don't know anybody who has had a good experience with it.

    Anyway, you deserve it. Give yourself a break. In a month you'll feel like a new person!!!

    Good luck and stay in touch!!!

    Linda
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  • miamimama
    miamimama Member Posts: 77
    edited January 2007

    This topic needs to be kicked back to the top. I am 10 days past my final taxol treatment and I can barely move. I have been dropping things, forgetting everything and snapping at perfect strangers. (The poor cable guy made the mistake of wringing my doorbell while I was watching the View and I almost took his head off. Food still tastes crappy. Since I am done with treatment I feel like a terrible person for complaining.

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  • ravdeb
    ravdeb Member Posts: 3,116
    edited January 2007
    I have nothing to complain about. I'm 7 months out of treatments and I feel fine 'cept for fatigue. And well..it's the fatigue that is making me nuts! I am chairperson of a brand new committee in our congregation which means I need to lead it, get it off the ground, delegrate jobs, run the meetings..I've done this kind of thing many times but last night was my first meeting with this group and I was at a loss! Mind was one big fog, couldn't deal with any of it. I really do want my brain back!
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  • althea
    althea Member Posts: 1,595
    edited January 2007
    I had a meltdown yesterday over stamps of all things. Somehow I ended up with express mail stamps when I asked for priority mail stamps. There's a huge difference -- $14 vs $4. When I tried to exchange them, they refused! I was so stunned. I was completely taken by surprise, not even imagining that exchanging the stamps would not be allowed!

    I expressed my surprise, and asked who else could I talk to about this. Then I could feel the meltdown coming. The desk clerk was very courteous, offered to ask the supervisor. The supervisor was on the phone but the clerk insisted the supervisor would talk to me about the stamps. I got a bit huffy and said I'd deal with the matter at another time and stomped out. I was in tears by the time I got home. How pathetic is that?
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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited January 2007
    $10.00 worth of pathetic! LOL You shoulda made them feel sorry for you and told them that you had been a cancer patient and on and on and on...LOL

    Seriously, the smallest things seem to really bother us. It's okay. It's not "pathetic." We ARE human, afterall. Look what we've been through.
    Shirley
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  • althea
    althea Member Posts: 1,595
    edited January 2007

    That's what I would've done, but my composure was making a hasty exit. I got to thinking how I got those stamps in the first place. Initially, I thought chemo brain was responsible for me not noticing that they were seriously overcharging me for my stamps that day. I must've been very distracted to not notice a price that was $40+ too high. So I reviewed my receipts.... Turns out I got a $40+ windfall in postage! I don't think I paid $14/ea for those stamps! I think I paid for priority mail and received express mail stamps instead. Every cloud has a silver lining. heh heh, I'd like to see them stick to their stupid policy about exchanging stamps if they knew I got the wrong ones! LOL

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  • susanmary
    susanmary Member Posts: 137
    edited January 2007
    Hi. Hang in there and time does heal - believe it or not! You are in the same position that 99.9% of us have been. Do not feel that you need to pull the wool over peoples' eyes as they are there to offer you support which they can't do if they do not know how you really feel. Rant, rave and to hell with the house for now. Sure you will pull through soon as you are at least willing to talk to the "club". Talk to your family and friends the same way and you will be A for away! God bless and take care
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  • myrnaincabc
    myrnaincabc Member Posts: 76
    edited January 2007
    Mia it will get better really. I finished chemo 11- 07 and finishing rads in a few days. My muscles are sore and Im tired as hell some times but it has gotten better with each day. I thought YEAAAAA done with chemo back to my self/ but that isnt how it happens for most of us. Heck we had chemo for several months it takes a few to get it cleared out. Just reast when you can drink lots and eat well. If you can take short walks every day it helps too. Take care of yourself
    myrna
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  • gsg
    gsg Member Posts: 3,386
    edited January 2007

    following is a list of what i got done on my house today:

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  • Smudge
    Smudge Member Posts: 3
    edited January 2007

    Oh sweetie, please give yourself a break. We are WAY too hard on oursleves and I think we just expected everything would be 'back to normal'too soon. WELL, I don't know what 'normal' is anymore! YOU have been thru a H*ll of a lot! As my Mother always tells me "It will still be there" right now, take care of YOU! be a bit selfish and do whatever it is YOU feel you need to do...even if it is ignoring everything and taking a NAP!! hang in there!

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  • OnAQuest
    OnAQuest Member Posts: 20
    edited January 2007

    Dear gsg and All: I know exactly what you mean about clutter and not being able to get it all together. In fact, I've had housekeepers for years because I work so much. One day recently, at Christmas time, so much stuff was scattered all over the house, and I know he didn't mean it to sound this way, but my husband paused before he left for work, surveying the clutter, and said "Wow, I don't know how they'll even be able to clean this place." (meaning around all the clutter) I almost brained him then, but he is wonderful and helpful otherwise, that I restrained myself. And I feel no guilt now about having the housekeepers clean around whatever clutter I leave. It took me years to get to this place mentally. I work fulltime, have a two hour (roundtrip) daily commute, and do volunteer work (not limited to, but including dog rescue, which is a daily task). plus trying to recover from all my b/c issues and treatment/cures : /. Hire someone to come in, tell them your health problems, and I guarantee you will get sympathy and slack no matter how bad your house might be. : ) P.S. Love your posts - you have a great sense of humor...

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  • PattyMN
    PattyMN Member Posts: 40
    edited January 2007

    I got obsessed with my bedroom closet while I was on chemo and was so upset because I imagined myself dying WITH A MESSY CLOSET...Somehow I couldn't feel at peace (and I was no where NEAR dying.. just going through chemo and feeling crappy) until the closet was straightened up.. my sweet husband picked the junk up off the floor and generally straightened up in there and I felt better.. now, 3 months after the end of radiation, 7 months after the end of chemo, I actually feel energetic at times...breast cancer treatment is a crazy world

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited January 2007
    Quote:

    following is a list of what i got done on my house today:



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  • gsg
    gsg Member Posts: 3,386
    edited January 2007

    i'm seriously going to try today to at least start on getting my clothes together. that's my goal. it would be so awesome to know where my underwear is.

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  • ChicoTrish
    ChicoTrish Member Posts: 39
    edited January 2007
    What a relief to read that I'm not the only one who had no energy for Christmas this year. I've been feeling guilty for weeks about the Christmas cards that remain in the box. We had no tree, no nothing in the house. I just couldn't bring myself to do it all, though because my significant other was not well on Christmas Eve and Christmas day I ended up being solely responsible for the big dinner -- with his parents and brother in attendance. I was glad to go back to work the day after Christmas! Felt like I completely lost a three day weekend to the needs/wants of others.

    That, though, has been a lesson learned. I've had a hard time giving myself permission to FEEL what I feel. I no longer want to be completely responsible for meeting others' expectations about the holidays, my housekeeping, or the way I choose to spend my time away from work. Like most women, I've spent the majority of my adult life taking care of the needs of others, putting myself last.

    My New Year's Resolutions: I'm setting firm boundaries about what I'm willing to do for others. If I want to take an entire day and read a good novel, I'm taking it. The house is a wreck? So what? I'm not going to look back from my death bed (hopefully at age 90 or so) and wish my house had been cleaner. That said, I've spent the last two days trying to get my house in order and it's getting there. Today, however, I'm taking the day to do the fun things I want to do. I have that good book and I may just stay on the couch and enjoy it -- the Thank You notes for Christmas gifts may or may not get written before June.

    Trish
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  • gsg
    gsg Member Posts: 3,386
    edited January 2007
    Trish:

    Enjoy your book! it IS reassuring to know others are going through the same thing. I actually told someone this year that Christmas felt like an imposition...and one that I resented.

    As far as my house, even though I'm embarrassed by it, i mostly would like it sparkling clean for myself. I always feel mentally better when things are in order. In a way, my house right now seems to be a direct reflection of my scattered, unfocused chemobrain mind.

    i'm also avoiding responding to e-mails that i get and they're piling up like my laundry.
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  • gsg
    gsg Member Posts: 3,386
    edited January 2007

    if things don't improve around here soon, i'm moving into Doc's clean house.

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