Is this normal?

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CA-Sunshine
CA-Sunshine Member Posts: 28
edited June 2017 in Just Diagnosed

Hello everyone,

I am trying to come to terms with this  BC dx. I am a married 45 yo with a 3yo daughter and is in fight mode. When I was 10 yrs old my mother was dx with BC and passed away 2 yrs later when I was 12. On 6/12/17, I was given the news that my biopsy results were positive for BC so here I am 33 yrs later preparing to personally attempt to slay the ugly BC monster. Here is what I know so far left breast with 2 sites: Site A. ER/PR +  HER2 - 1 cm, ki -67 is 30%(poorly differentiated invasive ductal carcinoma, high grade ductal carcinoma in-situ with focal necrosis and calcification) Site B ER/PR + HER2 - ki -67 35% 1.1 cm(poorly differentiated invasive ductal carcinoma)  From US report there is no lymph node involvement so I am stage 1 is what the nurse navigator stated. . Genetics test shows  BRCA 2 detected heterozygous uncertain variant.  I am in California is having all of my records sent to City of Hope National Cancer Hospital for a second opinion and treatment. No I have not had a breast MRI order yet but think when I go to COH next week they will order that next.

I am scheduled to see BS on 6/28 to discuss my options. I have spent the last week researching information now I am ready to have a BMX, I do not really want to have chemo but if I have to I will do it then  start  radiation and get back to some type of normalcy. I thought I had truly beat the odds when I turned 36 and 38 yrs old and was BC free  because these were the ages when my mom was dx and lost her battle with BC. This cancer monster has WREAKED  HAVOC on my life for the last 33 years  my mother with BC in 1982, my older brother in 2002 non-Hodgkin's lymphoma( NED 13 years after a stem cell transplant). I am so ready to fight for my life. When I look at my daughter all I can do is cry because I DO NOT EVER want her to experience what I experienced growing up without a mother. To me that was the worst thing any child could experience, I would not wish that pain on anyone, because no matter what NO ONE  in my opinion will love you like your own mother.  When my mother finally told me of her dx she promised she would be around to see me turn 18 sadly it never happened, so I am determined to see my beautiful baby girl become a beautiful young lady and the thought of anything preventing that from happening just makes me eager to go to war in  this battle against the BC monster.   I have already started planning surgery. hoping I can have it done after returning from vacation , so around the week of July 18th looks good to me. Prayerfully my ONCOtype is low so I will not have to do chemo but the core biopsy reading states I have a Nottingham grade of 3 which from research looks as if chemo is a strong possibility. Whatever the recommendations are I will do. But if the oncotype comes back suggesting chemo and if doing chemo  only changes RS by a few percentages I am not going to do chemo. Are there any moms out there with young children who did not go with the chemo recommendation? I just want things to mirror as close to normal for my daughter as possible. I don't want her to see me sick and hairless as a result of chemo if it is not going to make a big difference.  

I am ready to fight ,and  I am so afraid at the same time but  it is nice to know I am not alone.   Is this normal for me to feel this way?    


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  • Lula73
    Lula73 Member Posts: 1,824
    edited June 2017

    welcome to the group no one wants to join. Yes what you're feeling is normal. It's really tough when you have young children (I have a 12 year old son and a granddaughter that's almost 2). Your mind automatically goes there. I opted for BMX with immediate natural tissue reconstruction (called DIEP flap). It allowed me to avoid chemo and rads when nodes came back negative. (Let me know if you have questions about this type of recon.) The really good news is you're catching it early and it's responsive to anti-hormone therapy. I find that keeping those thoughts front and center help keep the darker thoughts at bay. Sending you hugs and happy thoughts

    *Note: having BMX does not always mean being able to avoid chemo and/or rads. I was fortunate that in my case it did. Each case is different and it's a question worth asking (i.e. What are the expected post-surgery cancer treatment differences I can expect if I did BMX vs LX?

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  • kira1234
    kira1234 Member Posts: 3,091
    edited June 2017

    Having a BMX doesn't mean you won't need chemo. If your tumor is small most likely you'll avoid radiation. My breast surgeon wasn't even willing to guarantee I'd avoid that. It truly is decided by the oncotype test. Mine was in the gray area chemo was strongly recommended.

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  • CA-Sunshine
    CA-Sunshine Member Posts: 28
    edited June 2017

    Thank you both Lula and Kira for your reply, yes I am aware that BMX does not excluded me from either chemo or radiation. Especially being that I am grade 3 in the prelim biopsy path report, I do not think there will be a big difference in the oncotype results but I am praying there will be and I will not need either one chemo or radiation. At This point I am just anxiously awaiting to see the BS on Wednesday, having surgery and moving forward in this battle. It is the not knowing what's next  that is killing me.  Also knowing everyday I have cancer inside my body and potentially growing and  spreading is driving me nuts. For some strange reason now I will not even lay down on the left side because I think it will aggravate the left breast and the cancer cell will spread to other areas. Am I being silly for thinking that?  

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  • gb2115
    gb2115 Member Posts: 1,894
    edited June 2017

    I felt like that too, drove me crazy to have the tumor in me for an entire month before surgery.

    I'm a little younger than you, but have a 4 year old daughter who has witnessed this process. I did not get chemo because of a low risk mammaprint. Did lumpectomy plus 32 rads. Rads was particularly hard because I became allergic to most things touching my skin (not the norm don't worry).. I was systemically sick from allergic dermatitis for weeks. She knew something was up but we just referred to it as mommy's boo-boo. I think she was worried. But we got through it and she is a normal 4 year old. My point is even if you need to do chemo, your little one is so young she will be resilient. She may not even remember... how much do you really remember from that age?

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  • kira1234
    kira1234 Member Posts: 3,091
    edited June 2017

    I know I felt the desire to get the cancer out as quickly as possible as well. You'll know immediately about radiation it's chemo you'll need to wait to know.

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