Mental attitude about chemo

How do you feel about cancer taking over your body? That's how I dealt with treatment. I did not have chemo, but if it had been recommended I would have done it in a New York minute. I have a wonderful husband, and children and grandchildren I love. I want to be here for them a long, long time.

Upheld, I get it. I was sick to my stomach when my breast surgeon said I will probably need it. Haven't met with the oncologist yet. I have had some time to wrap my brain around it. It is amazing what we can learn to accept as our new normal. I am trying to think of it as a evil necessary. If the oncologist says I need it I have to do it since I have two young boys ages 10 and 12.

Upheld, it is simple: there is no reasonable alternative to chemo at stage 3. The only alternative is to wait when it becomes stage 4 which might take a year or two.
Speaking of neuropathy I would recommend working closely with the medical team and describing symptoms if they become worrisome. They can reduce dosage and stop if necessary (I assume you will get taxotere or taxol)
As for chemo brain I didn't get any. I think stress from cancer diagnosis, emotional turmoil, some drugs that we need to take during treatment are contributing more to so-called chemo brain than chemo itself. The best you can do is stay active during treatment - both physically and mentally. I continued working full-time during 6+ months my chemo took and that was a good distration.
Best of luck to you!

I'm healthy single 36 years old who just got a dream job before diagnosed as triple negative bc. Chemo is the choice that I have.

I was thinking chemo as the poison before started the treatment. However, chemo isn't that bad. It is doable. I am now thinking chemo therapy as a cell detox. It helps clear bad cell away from our body

I am a child of the 80s, and I think my chemo visualization reflects that. I'm picturing my body as a big game of Pac Man, with the chemo drugs (Pac Man) running around a gobbling up any stray cancer cells ( ghosts). It's silly, but it makes me feel better.

"How do you feel about cancer taking over your body?"

This was pretty much how I looked at it.  NOBODY wants chemo. There's not one single person on these boards who dreamed they would grow up to have breast cancer and need chemo. But we do have breast cancer and some of us WILL need chemo. The alternative is to risk advancement or recurrence of our cancer, potentially decreasing our quality of life or shortening our lives. My cancer is early, stage 1, but it was 1.9cm and ER+, PR-, considered to be a more aggressive cancer similar to triple negative.  My research showed me that chemo was going to be my best chance at killing this thing. 

I'm 60, but my mother is almost 83, so I could potentially live another 25 years.  I hope that chemo will  give me my best chance at living a fulfilled, active life free from cancer.  It really *was* mind over matter for me.  I'd rather risk chemo side effects than risk death by cancer.  For the record, I did lose my hair and I have had some issues with concentration and short term memory. But, obviously, my brain has not turned to mush. I read. I have deep conversations, write healthcare papers, and work as a nurse (40 years!) I do not have any neuropathy, but if I did I would be working closely with my MO and a neurologist to mitigate those symptoms.

Whether you have chemo or not is a personal decision. You and you alone will live with the consequences of your decision. 

I remember being very discouraged when first diagnosed. First it was Cancer, then Stage 2, then HER2 + so starting with chemo. It was like I couldn't catch a break. And I was very nervous about chemo and the potential long term effects - so much so that I had a very serious conversation with my MO about stopping after the third round.

But ... it works. Having HER2 + cancer means you have access to these amazing monoclonals in addition to the chemo drugs. I could no longer feel the lump after the first round! According to imaging, I've had a complete response. I just had surgery last week and should get my path results tomorrow.

I never really had unbearable SE's with chemo, but it did suck. I have very slight neuropathy in my fingertips and my GI system is still unpredictable at times. I'll be on Herceptin for the rest of the year.

I'm glad I made it through chemo. I'm glad it was a useful thing for me. And I hope to never have to do it again!

I thought of the chemo drugs as Navy Seals, hardened fighters working FOR me, hunting down the terrorist cancer cells who would kill me, for sure, if they got the chance. Remember that chemo is NOT the enemy, cancer is. I'm a Lord of the Rings fan, so I also envisioned the fight between good and evil as characterized in those movies/books.

It may be helpful to focus on all the healthful things you can do for your body and spirit to balance the chemo.

It's very disheartening to see DCIS with no node involvement advance in stage a few years later or less. You don't know if any leaked out via the circulatory system. It doesn't have to be via lymph.

"It may be helpful to focus on all the healthful things you can do for your body and spirit to balance the chemo"

Ksusan, this is so true. I have finally arrived at this after almost six months of fighting, not cancer so much, as treatment. I've resumed doing things that make me happy, things that make me feel good physically, letting go of everything possible that results in stress. Chemo gives me a free pass on all of it

Upheld,

Everyone here is literally fighting for their life. Otherwise we would not be talking about chemo.

It's a shocking thing to have to go through but IT IS doable and given what you wrote on your profile - I think if you saw ten oncologists they would all they chemo is needed.

We are getting better at managing side effects so speak up about them and get the drugs needed to help you through - you will not need to take them past the chemo part in most cases. Chemo anxiety is REAL first cycle as well as sometimes later on - get a sedative like Ativan if you need to. Whatever it takes - this is a time to treat yourself very very gently.

For myself - I totally agree with Bareclaws that focusing on keeping stressfree and healthy during treatment and after as you recover is essential.

Specifically - chemo brain - hard to untangle for the stress of the whole thing initially, lots of women do not get it badly, some do - everyone is different - so much goes on at this time - you will be less organised and sometimes too tired to read but you will get that back. And the oncs are pretty vigilant when it comes to neuropathy so they will be dose changes if required. With neuropathy - you may get some tingling on taxanes but it can recover - you will not know until the drugs are cycled so focus on what you do know.

You can do this!!

Keep coming back to BCO as you need to

Upheld-

I felt similarly to you. I wish I had not had chemo and only used the Herceptin targeted therapy for my cancer. Hindsight is always 20/20. I now realize that the statistics they gave me were skewed. I am a Nurse, not a Math major, so my understanding was not appreciative of "relative risk".

Example: If I tell you that I will share 50% of my winnings with you, that sounds awesome, correct? Yay, 50% of Cari's winnings ! This sounds great until you realize that 50% is actual 2.50$. 50% sounds like a LOT, so does 60%, but when the TOTAL is only 5$ then it does not really make much difference in your life.

I quit chemotherapy after 4 rounds, and D/C herpcetin shortly thereafter. It was not worth the side effects. I admit that I will not treat a recurrence with hard core chemo. I believe I would do hospice since it took my body 2 years to fully recover after I stopped chemo. That was after only 4 rounds, and I was only 32, so my body was healthy. That % they gave me ended up not being worth the chemo, honestly.

I realized in my heart that I would have more regrets if I did *everything* and the cancer returned then if I did nothing but the bilateral MX+Herceptin and it recurred. I would feel as if I wasted valuable good quality of life.

I do not know what my future holds, could it recur? Sure, but that could happen no matter what I did. I have no regrets. I am a 3 year survivor, 3 years from DX, and only regret having chemo in the first place.

VioletKali, what Wildplaces said is really important. The absolute risk of recurrence is very, very different at stage IIIc than Ia, and thus the abolute risk benefit via chemotherapy - even if relative risk stayed absolutely the same - is much more. Example:

**These numbers of risk are purely hypothetical**

Imagine chemo gives a relative risk reduction of 30%

If your risk for recurrence is only 3%, then the absolute risk reduction is only 1%, or, put in another way, you'd have to treat 100 people to save the life of 1.

If your risk for recurrence is 75%, then the absolute risk reduction is 22.5%, you'd have to treat roughly 5 people to save the life of 1.

It's not quite as simple as this, but I just want to illustrate how we have to be really careful not to place the decision framework for early cancer on locally advanced cancer.