Sadness, anger & fear after BMX

I didn't have BMX, but I know what you mean about being "the one who had breast cancer." It's been almost three years since my diagnosis, and I still have people come up and ask me, "How are you feeling?" with a knowing look in their eyes. OY. But, it gets better. It takes some time. I don't know whether you plan to be "flat and fabulous" or get reconstruction. Either way, I'd hope that you'd take the opportunity to experiment with some new looks and think about how you want to get to a "new normal." Sometimes, we can't recover our pre-BC selves and have to forge a new identity. By the way, there's no shame in seeking counselling or taking an anti-depressant if you feel like you're in a deep funk and don't know how to get out of it. ((Hugs))

Grammieshell - I totally get where you are right now. I was there too for quite a while. I am 6-1/2 years post BMX and I can tell you that it does get better. Time heals, as they say. I still miss my "before" breasts but I do know I made the right decision. It really does take some time to adjust and begin to accept the new normal. Hugs to you

Kathy

Hey Lady! I totally get how you feel. I was flat for 2 years while I decided what to do. There was no plastic surgeon in Helena, where I did treatment, so I interviewed ones in Great Falls, Kalispell and Missoula, before deciding to go ahead, because I was tired of being cancer girl. Here's the thing- people don't notice if you are flat. Seriously. And I wore some tight dresses and tops lol. Anyway, hugs from Helena, and if you do decide to do recon, there are some good plastic surgeons in MT. Just take your time. As everyone said, it does get better. Xoxoxxo

Emotionaly, I feel so much better after reconstruction.

Hey I know just where you're coming from. I've just been there but there is light at the end of the tunnel you know. I had a bilateral MX with TE placement just under three months ago. I initially wanted to stay flat, but colleagues talked me into the recon. So we're in the same boat! It was painful to look at myself in the mirror. They changed the dressings in hospital just before I left. Drains came out that day. I work in health care and believe me  I could not get myself to look. I've seen plenty of other people's incisions and scars... but mine no I couldn't go there. Then my dressing was changed again 6 days later. Was meant to have done it myself at home, but was relieved when the PS nurse called me and said I could go over and have her do it for me. So I only actually had the courage to look at myself some 10 days later! Wasn't a great sight but liveable  I guess! Still there were times, when I would look in a mirror and want to flee from myself if I could. And yes there were days when I cried. But tears are healing in their own way.

Started to feel better with the expansions. But yes the expanders look and feel weird. If you look up my posts, you'll find me ranting about my uncomfortable turtle shells somewhere on these pages. Yes they look high up. Yes they're rock hard. No they're not the real thing. On the positive side they get better as they expand and your brain adjusts to them.

I've now done with expansions and am up to 680cc on each side. I don't need any soft wadding to feel good. I'm wearing summer tops and light blouses with or without light scarves. Costume jewellery. Makeup. People say I look good and I feel good! Oh and I've bought a new bra and a new bathing suit. Down to a B cup from a CtoD cup. But I wanted to come down on the cup size. Now two things left... Need to get the waist down and do the exchange. 

Hope you feel better about yourself too soon. If you look up the forum TE A Beginner's Primer, I found a lot of help from that forum.

Take care and sending you so many hugs. If I can help in anyway, let me know. 

Hi Grammieshell, glad you're feeling better! I had to wear this awful corsetty post op bra with tight strap post op and I hated it. Finally stopped wearing it and I spend most of the time without a bra now.

I agree with the layered or distracting design. Also I've chosen some long chains with largish pendants, and I find that creates a distraction away from my breasts.

Also a haircut, makeup and lipstick have done wonders for my morale! Have you read the book "I wore lipstick to my mastectomy" by Geralyn Lucas? It's great reading and there's also the movie based on the book. I thoroughly recommend.