My Aunt Told Me She Cannot Be A Support For Me

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  • wallan
    wallan Member Posts: 1,275
    edited May 2017

    Hi Artista:

    So you get it too. Only telling what you need to tell and to safe people. I just love these boards and chatting with women like you. We get it and are not alone.

    I hope your visit with your anxious mother is not too much of a strain on you and can have some good times regardless.

    Hugs to you

    wallan

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  • yhendrix
    yhendrix Member Posts: 20
    edited May 2017

    Thank you Wallen. My second surgery is schedule for Thursday, May 11.

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  • wallan
    wallan Member Posts: 1,275
    edited May 2017

    Hi yhendrix:

    What is your second surgery for specifically?

    You are in my thoughts and prayers. Feel free to PM me if you like.

    HUGS to you.

    wallan

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  • yhendrix
    yhendrix Member Posts: 20
    edited May 2017

    Thank you Wallen. I just sent you a PM.

    Amapola36 Maybe one day I will "admire" my Aunt again but for right now I just want to yell and scream at her for abandoning me and for being so self centered and selfish. These are not admirable traits. The lesson I am learning from my Aunt is that I don't want to be like her. Ever. I thank you for you input. My anger and frustration is in no way directed at you. Emotions are just raw right now.

    Up until that day nearly one month ago I sung my Aunt's praises. She was my hero. I was so happy she beat BC and proud to have her by my side. NOW I am too embarrassed and horrified to tell any of my friends what she has done to me.

    My Aunt never had children. She always said I was the daughter she couldn't have.

    The thing that pisses me off the most is that if I wanted to I could still have a relationship with her BUT ON HER TERMS. That I would have to sit an listen to her go on and on about her diabetes and to be supportive of her while keeping silent about what I am going through is just the most cruel thing anyone could ask. Is this a kind, caring, admirable way to treat someone you say you love? Not admirable traits in my book.

    To love someone is to love them in sickness and in health. In good times and in bad times. Maybe it would do my Aunt some good to get a little dose of her own medicine.

    Thank you all for creating a safe space to share and to vent. Sorry for the rant, but I do feel a little better letting it out.

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  • Artista928
    Artista928 Member Posts: 2,753
    edited May 2017

    Wallan- Mother's not the anxious one, well she is, but the major anxious refers to me as she drives me to the edge.

    Not seeing momma this trip. Need to get my foobs situation fixed before can mentally deal with seeing her after so long and hiding this from her when we do go to a lunch or dinner- probably at xmas barring anything medically happens to me again. Back in Dec 2014 it was a 2 hour visit. She knows the fam (and her) are part of my major anxiety prob so no one insists on seeing me thankfully. The 2014 2 hour visit was pre cancer so I didn't need to hide my breasts. I've gone from DD/DDD to small-med C. Very obvious esp since I'm obese, and mom has eyes and ears sharp as a tack.

    Yhendrix- Anger is very normal. I was PISSED at not only them but at life for a long long while. Even when I thought I got over it I was still pissed that they could downplay mental illness like that. It's not like 20 years ago. Nowadays it's all over the media about how serious this is. I was locked up against my will. Thinking positive, diet, exercise are NOT the solution for a clinically diagnosed major depressed person with generalized anxiety who is unable to work or socialize in many situations. They say they've had it.... no they haven't. Garden variety or seasonal affect issues are not the same as a clinical severe dx. Ah! So I slowly starting pulling away until in Jan 2014 happy new year no more seeing or talking to me. Text/emails cards are welcome and I will respond with love but have to survive myself and have to do what's necessary or I'll wind up locked up again.

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  • wallan
    wallan Member Posts: 1,275
    edited May 2017

    Hi Artista:

    I am so sorry to hear you have gone thru so much. Family can be such a letdown when it comes to support. I admire how you have put boundaries up and protect yourself from their crap. Its inspirational.

    I can understand how your mother would trigger your anxiety - I feel for ya. I too suffer from anxiety and have just started having panic attacks which are not fun. I have not had as severe as what you have been thru though. I cannot even imagine the pain of that. My anxiety is debilitiating enough. I just want relief from it. So I can't imagine being as ill as you were. Hugs to you!

    And having lost your breast size can cause grief too. I can imagine your mother would notice. Its a big change. Again, I admire how you handle it.

    wallan

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  • Artista928
    Artista928 Member Posts: 2,753
    edited May 2017

    Thank you Wallan. I admire you too. Anyone who can get through such such difficulties on top of fighting something like bc is highly regarded in my book. You should feel proud. After I go through my meltdowns from time to time I think to myself, wow. I've done this on my own and have held my ground (and sanity for the most part). When my friend points that out or my medical team it makes me feel better. So thank you and back at you. Bravo on getting yourself on the right track. No one can help us but ourselves, and we can't help anyone else if we can't help ourselves.

    Many hugs and best wishes for you, yhendrix, and everyone else having to face such tough issues on top of bc. It's tough even though I like my choice. I still wish I had a different family but it's not going to happen. What can you do except adjust your own life to it. :)

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  • Jojo0529
    Jojo0529 Member Posts: 193
    edited September 2017

    not sure what this post is about.. but I'm a Catholic Jew.

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  • Jojo0529
    Jojo0529 Member Posts: 193
    edited September 2017

    I'm sorry vh . Your Aunt 😡 I have no words other than c selfish! we are here for you! Seriously though Satan using you to get to her? Needs to get over herself

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  • Herculesmulligan
    Herculesmulligan Member Posts: 175
    edited September 2017

    like most of you I've been surprised by the lack of support, or even interest, from some close family members. If there is a silver lining to it, it's that I've been able to define some boundaries for myself with little to no guilt that I might not have been able to define before. As one of you so eloquently put it , you've got to protect your heart when dealing with those people who have chosen not to back you up. So when I get a last minute request to stay at our house, or asked to change my plans for someone coming into town unexpectedly I can with a clear conscience say no, that doesn't suit me. Whereas before I understood their true colors, I would have moved heaven and earth to accommodate them, now I can act from a place of considering my own needs.

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