Mastectomy with expanders.. Look like a freak

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Grammieshell
Grammieshell Member Posts: 56
edited April 2017 in Surgery - Before, During, and After

I had a skin sparing bilateral mastectomy Tuesday, the pain has been tolerable with meds on board and I thought I was handling this pretty well, until I saw myself.

I look like a circus freak, I'm so deformed it's shocking, please tell me this will get better. I just want to hide and cry, I can't even stand to look at myself.

Yes, I'm happy the cancer is gone, but I'm not glad it took so much with it, my shape, my dignity, my sense of feeling like a woman.


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  • bella237
    bella237 Member Posts: 13
    edited April 2017

    Yes, it will get better. The wrinkled, puckered scars will smooth out with fills, they are sewn to look that way so they easily expand. The expansion period was just awkward, I learned to love drapey tops that hid the oddness of the expanders.

    What makes you a woman and beautiful is not the placement of flesh on your body, it is all of the things that make you who you are. I miss my natural breasts, but I am glad to be alive. It does get better, and once you have exchange surgery you will start to feel a little less like a circus freak. Hang in there.

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  • MTwoman
    MTwoman Member Posts: 2,704
    edited April 2017

    Oh my goodness, it does get better! I didn't look at my post mx chest for a couple of days and really just about passed out from looking at the multi-colored bruises. Now, 14 years later, it's all normal skin tone and reconstructed breast. Please try not to focus on the current state of your breast. Have you ever been through home renovations? or bought an old house to fix up? It is the same concept - things get a bit more torn up before they can become beautiful again. You will get through this!!

    ((gentle hugs))

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  • Molls32
    Molls32 Member Posts: 3
    edited April 2017

    I had my bilateral mastectomy about 6 weeks ago and I remember feeling the same way when I first saw (and touched) my "breasts". I almost burst into tears every time I looked in the mirror. I will say, that although I HATE having expanders in (they're uncomfortable and unnatural), my reaction to my new look has changed from anguish to curiosity. And I know that this is temporary.

    You just had a MAJOR surgery and need some time to heal physically and emotionally. It will be rough, but it does get better.

    Best of luck!

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  • Artista928
    Artista928 Member Posts: 2,753
    edited April 2017

    Tissue expanders are not the end result. Once you are recovered enough, they will start the fills. The TEs may be uneven as mine were but they are there just to keep the skin expanded until you finish txs. And when you get the implants in, it can take 6 mo for them to settle before you can judge if you like it or not. I had mine put in Dec and the right is lower than the left. So at some point this year I'll be having him fix the symmetry. Focus on healing and staying healthy.

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  • MinusTwo
    MinusTwo Member Posts: 16,634
    edited April 2017

    Montana - check out the Exchange thread. Everyone is shocked at first. Yes - TE's are not pretty. The most important thing is to step away from the mirror. That is true even after your final exhange to implants. It can take up to 6 months for everything to settle. So I know it's hard, but even cover you mirrors if you can't resist.

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  • littleblueflowers
    littleblueflowers Member Posts: 2,000
    edited April 2017

    Yes. It will get so much better. Just breathe through this phase. Where in MT are you? Who was your PS? If You ever want to chat with another MT local, feel free to PM me! I'm almost done with recon, and to be honest, I don't hate them. This is so hard, I know. Xoxo

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  • MTwoman
    MTwoman Member Posts: 2,704
    edited April 2017

    Yes, Grammieshell, where? there are a few of us on these forums :)

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  • Grammieshell
    Grammieshell Member Posts: 56
    edited April 2017

    I'm from Lewistown MT

    Doctor in Great Falls.

    Dr ploplys is my PS, she's amazing and did tell me that they'd look strange for awhile, but I had to clue that they'd be this strange.

    A big shocker for sure


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  • MTwoman
    MTwoman Member Posts: 2,704
    edited April 2017

    Oh, that area is lovely! Floated the Smith a time or two as well as the scenic stretch of the Missouri.

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  • Herculesmulligan
    Herculesmulligan Member Posts: 175
    edited April 2017

    oh grammieshell my heart breaks for you. It definitely gets better but you're right......this whole thing is so unnatural it IS freaky. But we're all in the freak show with you if that makes you feel better.

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