Tired of having breast cancer

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catlady01
catlady01 Member Posts: 1
edited April 2017 in Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY

I was diagnosed in December 2016 as stage 4 triple positive with mets to the lungs, liver and bones. It was such a shock. I'm currently on taxotare, perjeta, and herceptin every 3 weeks. I've been really lucky so far. My cancer is stable or shrinking depending on where it is. My only side effect of chemo is fatigue and it isn't that bad. My problem is that I'm just tired of having cancer. I'm single with no family and I hate having to ask for help. I just feel like I'm so needy and am bothering people. I want my life back. Am I the only one who feels like this? I know my life will never be the same, it just gets so hard sometimes.

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  • Cure-ious
    Cure-ious Member Posts: 2,626
    edited April 2017

    CatLady! You nailed it! The worry, that comes when you have the luxury of being stable and not in perpetual terror, is that this is as good as it gets, right?!

    The only way I found out of this, and I did truly get out of it with a bit of time, was to assume that cancer will be truly effectively treated in just a few years, and that I really should treat this, as they suggest, as just another chronic condition. And so, then, if you can, go back to your regular sometimes boring but often delightful life, as much and as often as possible. You cannot control this, but you can drive yourself crazy..

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  • Cure-ious
    Cure-ious Member Posts: 2,626
    edited April 2017

    Other tips are reflect and live more in the moment, exercise, pamper yourself, spend like a drunken sailor, take up new craft or hobby, read more, and see a therapist (though I personally don't have time for the last one right now)..

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  • singlemom1
    singlemom1 Member Posts: 434
    edited April 2017

    Cat, I understand how you feel. I am also single with very minimal family. I usually have to ask friends when I need help. This too is very hard for me.

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  • artistatheart
    artistatheart Member Posts: 2,176
    edited April 2017

    I am tired of having cancer and I am really tired of being known for having cancer. It changes everything. But i do try all those things cure-ious suggested. I would hate this even more (is that possible?) if I just lay down and died in a ball of terror and depression.

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  • susan3
    susan3 Member Posts: 3,728
    edited April 2017

    it is a rollercoaster ride. Some days I just don't want to do it anymore and the next day the world is a wonderful place. Go figure. I think we become bipolar after our diagnosis

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  • Micmel
    Micmel Member Posts: 9,450
    edited April 2017

    I feel all those same things. It's terrible to have to worry alll the time about any ache or pain. To worry about scans which I have next week. It terrible to see the look in people's eyes of pity or fear, like they could freaking catch it. I'm sick of feeling tired and tired of feeling sick. I still donot understand why. You ladies are not alone So I will continue to pray for us all here on these boards for a day soon to where we can be cured of this shit. ~M

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  • Fitztwins
    Fitztwins Member Posts: 7,969
    edited April 2017

    Amen. Its gets old.

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  • tonyaberryman
    tonyaberryman Member Posts: 85
    edited April 2017

    I just found out on 3/20/2017 that I have BC and I'm already so over it................over the worrying, crying, fear. Why are people so nice all of a sudden? I'm nice to everybody all the time, not just "sick people"...........get out of here! I HATE every other MONDAY, absolutely HATE them, it's chemo Monday and time to feel like I'm on death's door for the next 5 days! UGH!!

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  • Micmel
    Micmel Member Posts: 9,450
    edited April 2017

    tonya~ I am right there with you and you are not alone in all of the anger and frustration! Everyday I get so mad, people who murder, rape, you name it live until they are 90 and I have to worry about seeing 50? Gee thanks a lot. It is the most annoying unfair disease that I can even imagine anyone going through. All of a sudden they care , but I learned that once the hoopla dies down they all seem to disappear and it is like it always was! Family changes, either they are great or they suck, and all of a sudden it's about them. It's unreal. Just know in your heart you're not alone in this shit soup!! I went from stage two to stage four In two weeks, I know how the shock feels and the anger that comes along with it! I'm sorry you're having to be here also

    ~M~

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  • tonyaberryman
    tonyaberryman Member Posts: 85
    edited April 2017

    I KNOW RIGHT????!!!! How can God allow these people to keep walking the earth and then turn around and make us "walk through this nightmare"!? I know God has a plan & purpose for every single one of us, but goodness can you give me some other test paleese!? My poor Mother is 69 years old and runs a restaurant and never gets a break, has to take care of her 48 year old daughter every other week....like really? My kids live in Florida, my boyfriend lives 45 minutes away, works a swing job and has a 13 year old daughter practically full time, NOBODY has time for this, LOL!!!

    I'm halfway through my first (4) treatments (#3 on Monday of the red devil) and then onto (12) more treatments once a week for 12 weeks, then a double mastectomy........just ready to be finished with this life stealer!


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  • Micmel
    Micmel Member Posts: 9,450
    edited April 2017

    tonya~ I live with one boob and it's a very odd feeling. I'm not going to lie and tell you it doesn't hurt,because no it does. Just remember to make sure you get two mastectomy pillows, they were vital to me to sleep. Without them I would have killed someone, my hubby and I made like 30 of them and donated them to the hospital,for other women to have because they really help with the raw nerve endings that are under the arm area. Let me know if you can't get them I'll mail you two homemade pillows! The red devil sucked ass, it was awful and I had a port put into my chest, if you have a choice get one. They help tremendously! My veins were trashed!! I also had abraxane folllowing the red devil. Watch closely for neuropathy and talk to your doctor about any side effects you don't like. I will pray for your swift recovery. I just got my feeling back in my feet, and am able to finally jog. It makes me so sad because i was always so athletic and ran 6.5 miles the day I was diagnosed. Like no! it blows out the ass and there is no other way to Put it! Hugs ~M~

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  • tonyaberryman
    tonyaberryman Member Posts: 85
    edited April 2017

    Yes, I had my port placed already and started chemo on 4/3 of the red devil and another cancer fighting poison..........I can't believe there's such thing as a mastectomy pillow!!!! lol!! Feeling back in your feet? What is this from? I'm really clueless to all this..........

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  • Micmel
    Micmel Member Posts: 9,450
    edited April 2017

    tonya~ neuropathy over time it can feel like your feet and toes tingle and lose feeling. Finger tips also. Watch for that closely, I had to stop at nine abraxane because mine was getting so bad. I take Meds to help it and it has cleared up. Just pay attention to your body and communicate with your doctor. Ask anything here in this forum and someone's usually got the answer! Always praying for us all! ~M~

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  • Nel138281
    Nel138281 Member Posts: 2,124
    edited April 2017

    I was dx 9/11 with stage 3, 8/13 with stage 4   Almost 6 years. Grateful to be doing well. fatigue is the biggest issue and have been NED for some time - but I am so over it all. Don't want to go to the clinic every three weeks, don't want to think about scan, just don't want to do it anymore.   But alas I get up and do it again every day -I am not fond of the alternative!!


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  • artistatheart
    artistatheart Member Posts: 2,176
    edited April 2017

    But Fitz! Just seeing your cute little pic there always makes my day! So go on we must. Although I have not been through as much as many of you YET, as Nel said it's better than the alternative....

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  • tonyaberryman
    tonyaberryman Member Posts: 85
    edited April 2017

    Micmel

    Thank you so much for that info., I'll definitely keep my eyes on that. Not having a good day today, haven't left the house much less get off couch, chemo Monday is right around the corner and I'm dreading it something awful. I've cried a lot today and won't even allow my boyfriend to come over and pick me up and take me to his house, bones and joints are bothersome today......I still have such a long journey, when will this feeling of hopelessness leave me? Why can't I be thankful I'm not terminal and this too shall pass?

    Praying constantly

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  • Micmel
    Micmel Member Posts: 9,450
    edited April 2017

    tonya~ everyone is terrified and has to grieve on their own terms. I have been there. I went from stage two to stage four in two weeks. It was devastating. I am happily married and have three kids. It was the worst day of my life. I continue to battle and have been lucky here and there with some aggressive approaches from some great doctors. But every day I get , is another day of loving my family and seeing the sky bluer than ever. Just take one day at a time, I hope you receive the most effective treatment and my prayers are your prayers ! ~M~

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  • tonyaberryman
    tonyaberryman Member Posts: 85
    edited April 2017

    Thank you for your words of encouragement , my kids are grown and live in Florida, I don't get to see them much. On the upside, the small surrounding towns are having a benefit for me next Saturday and all of my kids and grand babies are coming up, so I'm definitely looking forward to that. I'm just fixated on counting down the days until chemo is completely over and I can go back to my normal life, I'm truly blessed, but just having a hard time of dealing. Thank you for the prayers, as you willl be placed on my prayer list .

    Tonya

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  • Micmel
    Micmel Member Posts: 9,450
    edited April 2017

    tonya~ a benefit is a wonderful gift. I just had my community hold one for my family as well. I was greatly touched. Just reach out here to your BC sisters and you will be fine. Hugs and prayers always. ~M~

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