Struggling with my diagnosis

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Anonymous
Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
edited April 2017 in Surgery - Before, During, and After
Struggling with my diagnosis
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  • Molls32
    Molls32 Member Posts: 3
    edited April 2017

    All things considered I am very lucky. I found out I have the BRCA 1 mutation last July and immediately started screenings. By February I was diagnosed with breast cancer. The cancer didn't spread and was stage 1A. But I am struggling emotionally every day.

    I feel like I'm still in shock - everything happened so quickly. I had a double mastectomy with expanders put in, and while I was healing from surgery I started medications for IVF so my husband and I could plan for a family. In a couple of weeks I'll do another round of egg extractions and then immediately after that I'll have 5 months of chemo and reconstructive surgery after that.

    Even with my good prognosis, I feel totally cheated out of a happy life. My husband and I were trying for our first baby when I found out I had breast cancer. The hardest thing is knowing that I have to put our family on hold for another couple of years. On top of that there is the constant discomfort of my expanders, the anxiety of chemo and the fear that this thing might come back and kill me. I'm simplifying it - my mind goes to all sorts of dark places.

    I know that having a positive attitude is essential to healing, but I can't do it. I'm too affected by this emotionally and I'm resentful that my friends are moving on with their lives while I'm struggling. I'm ashamed to admit that I resent my healthy and happy friends. This is the lowest I've ever felt. And I don't know how to get out of it.

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  • Tpralph
    Tpralph Member Posts: 487
    edited April 2017

    totally understandable what you are feeling. I think most of us feel the same way - that we think that we may not have a future or that our futures are grim. Don't worry about staying positive all the time. I have read a few research articles that say positivity does not affect outcome or survival!  That made me feel better as I thought I was worsening my chances by having "bad days".  Now we could say that many people in the world have to live with chronic illnesses and some / many at young ages that may affect their quality of life, but THIS DOES NOT HELP US FEEL BETTER! Others tell me that over time you will think less and less about  it.

    I'm told over and over again that things will get better.  Perhaps seeing a counsellor or your primary care provider may help with your feelings.

    Many women on this site have done that and say that it has helped. Especially when you are young, you  have a long life ahead of you and you want to be happy.

    take care

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  • MinusTwo
    MinusTwo Member Posts: 16,634
    edited April 2017

    I did answer on one of your other threads. So even thought it will get better, Tpralph is right - venting is a good thing.

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  • gardengypsy
    gardengypsy Member Posts: 769
    edited April 2017

    Molls,

    I see a psychotherapist who specializes in oncology. She was a huge part of my team during treatment and has been important in my aftercare. Her contribution to my happiness and well being has been invaluable.

    When treatment was over, I decided to take control of my life in any way I could. As much as possible, I want my survivorship plan to include anything and everything that contributes to my well being. If I need to rest, I rest. If I can afford the supplements, I take them. I have joined exercise groups and see alternative healers.

    I am not saying you should do these things. You get to choose what you need to get through this. It takes a lot of soul searching and active processing. That's really what positive psychology is all about.

    May there be much love and courage in your path..

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