Just Not Into My Job Anymore

I worked all through active treatment, with only a few days off during chemo, so it wasn't really a question of going back to work...but something changed for me too. At some point, my priorities changed and work no longer held joy for me. I would have moments when I felt inspired, but it became more and more of a slog...so, given my age (early sixties) and nice retirement benefits offered by my employer, I decided to retire. Last day before retirement: June 30th. Some days I feel stressed about all I have to do between now and then (it will never get done) but honestly, I can't wait!

I'd say if retirement is not an option for you, it might be worth considering whether a change of jobs could reengage.

hugs!

Octogirl

Congrats to octogirl on retirement! That is the option I chose after returning for 18 months. I wanted to travel and did not have enough vacation time so was able to quit. There is now more opportunity for fitness, new hobbies such as genealogy in addition toold favorites like playing violin and Bible study.

My clinic did a neuropysch cognitive test prior to chemo. I asked for a follow-up wondering whether my brain was still functional and actually did better once treatment was behind me and I knew what to expect during the exam which involved a memory quiz, number/letter sequences, etc.

I agree with gracie about the change in perspective and hope everyone reading this finds the situation that works for them. Since a cancer 'survivor' has been through more than most people (health wise, at least) realizing what is important to you is key.

you are not alone.  I have continued to work, 5+ years, I was dx with stage 4 in 2013.    It has been a struggle.  I have days where I am fully engaged and working on all burners and more days when I am not. Fortunately before cancer dx, I could be super efficient.  Since dx I work more slowly, but I still get plenty done. Just no enthusiasm.  I will be 63 in July, also retiring June 30th.  Downsizing, thinking the next chapter.   I have decided to go sooner rather than later, who knows what life holds and I want to enjoy my time. 

Since I retired from law practice back in 2012, my “job" has been as a touring performing songwriter, both solo and in a duo. But I've gotten less and less into my music, starting when my husband had his near-fatal “colonoscopy accident" and especially now that I've had breast cancer. I think it's more of a realization that because life is short and tomorrow isn't a given, some things are far more important than professional & artistic success. At 66, I'm not going to play any more prestigious gigs than I did before, nor will my music reach a wider audience. (And the new model of the music industry practically guarantees that only stars will make much of a living from selling recordings either hard-copy or digital; and there are more things—many if not most of them free—that compete for audiences' time and entertainment dollar, so it's getting harder to draw well at concerts and coffeehouses). I can no longer spend 10 days at a time away from my family, drive 10 hrs. a day, or even 6 or 7 on a day I must perform. I'm tired of living out of a suitcase in motels, or even alone in nice hotels. My husband isn't getting any younger and is still working long and late hours—I'm tired of our being like ships that pass in the night; of scheduling my trips away to coincide with his on-duty weekends only to have him switch call with other doctors at the last minute so that I am away when he is off work.

I also realize our family income doesn't depend to any degree on my music revenue—in fact, because of hotel & meal expenses I'm running a net loss. My singing partner, though, needs to make money from music because his wife's disability income and art/craft sales don't meet their expenses—so he has been taking gigs at sr. centers that prefer men over women entertainers (given the demographic, that we tend to outlive men, it's logical) and have dwindling budgets that can barely pay one performer; and even so, he has begun taking temp day jobs in construction and custodial work again. (And he's not much younger than I am).

Bob is getting more and more fed up with his commute (given Chicago's insistence on having only two seasons—construction and Snow Day) down to the southwest suburbs, especially now that long drives are impacting his knees and hamstrings. We have no desire to move to those suburbs—in fact, the thought of packing again gives us hives. He is seriously considering retiring while we're both still healthy enough to enjoy retirement. We're realizing that we want to spend the rest of our lives actually (rather than technically) together.

Wumberlog~

I can really relate to those conflicts over "minuscule" issues. That kind of thing just zaps me. In my job, folks will go round and round over things and never move forward.

The commuting also. I have driven 1.5 hours RT to work for over 20 years. Done with that!

In your quest for structure, have you considered volunteering for an organization that reflects your social beliefs? You can still work, but let it be on your terms..

Chi~ I've read your posts across many threads, and have appreciated your perspective on many levels. I love how you say that you and your husband will "actually" be together if you make this choice.

You are both at an acceptable retirement age. At 55, I am not. Once I have regained stamina and strength, with neuropathy and chemo brain just a memory, I will need to find work.

I envision something that does not consume me, as my teaching career has. Ready for a simpler life, but do not know if I can afford it!

I can so relate to everyone. My work is not soul fulfilling. We have had tons of changes at work and wait, I know you will be shocked, but none of them good for the employees. I would give anything to not have to work but financially I havent come to a solution. Poodles I am thinking along your lines of remodeling the house and moving on but I have a son in college with a chronic expensive disease and I have an expensive disease so it will still have to be three or more years. I hope to make a plan that involves remodeling the house and finding a place I would like to move to that would be cheaper to live. I have no plan for health insurance however. At 56 I am no where near medicare and not sure what is happening with healthcare availabilty in this country.

In short, I am overwhelmed thinking about my future. What are you early retirees doing for health insurance?

TwoHobbies,

I am on disability right now, and I may quit my job altogether. If and when I do that, I will pay a percentage of my health care insurance costs.

I believe we are all eligible for that; it's just a matter of how much we contribute.

I am only 55, too young for retirement. If I have to go back to work, I envision something much more simple than my career path. I need a job that does not consume me..

I love the idea of down sizing. I am getting roommates to supplement my income, perhaps will do Airbnb.

Reba-I did not know that SSDI was taxed.. I have been forced to apply for SSDI by my private insurer.

My private disability payments are not being taxed right now. Even though it only pays 65% of my income, I am getting as much as I was when I was working because I had been paying so much in taxes!!!

ToyStory~ Congrats! Great news. I feel better!

I retired at 61. Had planned on staying till 65, but it was getting to the point of me calling off at least a half day a week, sometimes a full day, weekly. Totally burned out. And this was before cancer.

My employer allowed me to keep the insurance I had from them, at full price. This wasn't COBRA. At $600 a month for just me, it was rather expensive.

Money was really scarce, the trade off, mentally I felt so much better. Was worth all the struggles. Then I got other serious issues, never worked again.

I've been NED 5 years now. Have no desire to work. Am doing exactly what I want, when I want, how I want. Most retirees I know say they don't know how they worked, they are so busy now.

A part time job, or volunteer somewhere are good ideas.

Love north Ga mountains! Helen is a neat little town, and tiny houses are great❤️ Wish I could get one.

Thanks for the reply Gardengypsy. I do have private disability insurance that will kick in after 1 year. I would be able to collect my work disability until then. Why do I feel guilty about leaving my job? My husband and family are supportive. I feel like I am leaving my employer at a bad time, but whose life is it? I am just struggling. I see my symptom management doctor in 2 weeks and I am going to discuss going back out on disability with him. After being back to work for a year and a half it is getting harder, not easier!

Joy

Two Hobbies...I am 57 and was so ready to retire after this school year...but sadly, I need to have 20 years or be 60 years of age to get the health benefit for myself...this will happen simultaneously on my 60th birthday so I am in it for 3 more years.

Thinking about retiring has been an eye opener in regards to financial stress it would put on me. Carrying husband and daughters on my medical insurance, and knowing that my salary would be severely cut, gives me no choice but to continue, even though it is exhausting. I plan on meeting with a financial advisor and see what the future looks like without my salary!! There is no way I could stay until 65...it's pushing it to stay 3 more years! But like most of us on here, the medical insurance is our biggest concern. Even though I don't think of my cancer much...it will always play a role in our lives one way or another. Sucks. Rosie

~rosiesgirl~

Don't feel guilty about leaving your job and your employer at a bad time! This about you. Take care of yourself. I felt guilty about taking time off (14 weeks) when I had my surgery and radiation, too. I worked in the Children's department of our public library. It can get really crazy with people and programs during the summer, so I went back after my radiation was over to help out. Big mistake! I was still sore, tired and just not with it. The noise and hectic summer pace was too much for me. I had intended to stay through the entire summer, but only lasted through the last public program. I was tired everyday and cried a lot out of pain, frustration and sheer exhaustion. I finally went to my manager and told her I had to take my retirement. I couldn't do another day! There were also issues with people who knew I would retire eventually and resented me coming back when I did. So, if you can retire or collect disability and don't need your job's income to support yourself or pay bills, I would wave a heartfelt goodbye and leave. I was able to concentrate on taking care of me-physically, emotionally and spiritually. Good luck.

I wasn't a teacher, was school bus driver. In the state pension plan. Retired at almost 24 years. I get the health subsidy, but not 100% because I didn't stay 30 years. It helps. Check with your pension plan people to see how yours works. No work is worth tears.

Let me add my 2 cents worth about our jobs. It's unanimous it seems BC changes you and your lifestyle in so many ways.

I was working for FedEx Freight when I was DX in 2011. My hours were night hours, the drive was long, I worked in a not so safe part of town and the job was very stressful. On the plus side the pay and benefits were excellent but I couldn't concentrate and I started making too many mistakes. I couldn't focus on the job. Not good especially working in shipping/billing or any job for that matter.

I didn't go back. I had already taken early retirement from FedEx International. They are 2 separate companies within Federal Express.

I don't regret it for a second. My DH and I did the math, factored in gasoline, wear and tear on the car, taxes, etc and determined financially we would be okay.

I am busy all the time. I wonder now how I did what I do and work too. There are so many things that need to be done at home plus I'm babysitting my 20 month old twin grandsons pretty regularly now.

I admire you ladies who worked during treatment and I hope those of you who want to call it quits can do so sooner rather than later.