My "Girlie Parts" are Broken = "Intimacy" Problems

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dyanbrooks
dyanbrooks Member Posts: 21
edited April 2017 in Life After Breast Cancer

Maybe there is a thread out there on this already, but with over 3000 to go through, I gave up looking.

I know this is a sensitive issue, but i have nowhere else to get information from real life people. I went through breast cancer chemo and radiation, and now on anti-hormone pills. The anti-hormone pills are not the problem, i had this issue before I started taking them. It was the chemo. It started during my first set of treatments.

Everything "down south" ...shrunk up and it is so painful, not just from size but inflamed and feels like there are actual sores in there, that sex is off the table. Heck, the doctor had to lidocaine me just to do his pap test. Sex actually feels like someone rubbing sand paper over a open wound.

I laugh now when doctors give me material on positions and hand me trials of lubricant, like I haven't tried all that already. This is waayyyyy past that. When my Ob finally was able to see I guess it is red but no actual sores or infections. I just have the girlie parts of an 80 years old woman, I guess. I have a wonderful man that is trying to understand but there are still times that he thinks it's because I'm not attracted to him or never in the mood.... the furthest thing from the truth. That might be the hardest part, I do get in the mood but can't do anything about it. Like any woman, I worry that there might come a day he will just decide he needs more from a relationship - intimacy. I mean we had an amazing sex life before the cancer.

I am not looking for advice on intimacy or other things you can do (which by the way we try but naturally he, and I, end up wanting it to go further, and I try, and I end up in pain, and he is frustrated, and I am frustrated, and I hide in bathroom crying...) but ideas for things that others have tried to get things back to normal. My Ob mentioned using methods that have worked for women that had cervical cancer, since their girlie parts have been through hell and back; but I'm not sure what those methods are; and it isn't apparently something that is a huge topic online since I can find very little information on it.

Right now, I am taking Vitamin E and he even had me try squirting a gel pill up there once a day, tried taking a low dose blood thinner with the idea of getting more blood flow to the area, but we gave up on that, I have lidocaine cream but it stings a lot to use until it numbs then I am out of the mood from the stinging and it numbed him up once, and every lubricant on the market.

HELP!!!!

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  • Molly50
    Molly50 Member Posts: 3,773
    edited April 2017

    is your doctor willing to let you use some vaginal estrogen?

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  • dyanbrooks
    dyanbrooks Member Posts: 21
    edited April 2017

    Oops. One item I forgot to mention. My breast cancer was estrogen receptive, so no. No, estrogen creams.

    Good call tho. Normally that would be a good option for me.

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  • Luckynumber47
    Luckynumber47 Member Posts: 397
    edited April 2017

    The best thread here is : "I want my mojo back". It covers everything imaginable. Be sure to read the first page. It's a good summary of ideas.

    I swear by my coconut oil popsicles. I pour melted coconut oil into little ice cube trays made for water bottles and refrigerate. I insert about a third of one each night. It provides the moisture my own tissues lack. We also use a small amount for lube

    https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/150/topics/69566?page=1

    What we won't do to try to get back to normal

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  • kcat2013
    kcat2013 Member Posts: 391
    edited April 2017

    I don't have any real advice other than to mention that my gynecologist suggested Mona Lisa Touch as one of my options. It is a series of laser treatments, supposedly fairly painless. She also told me another procedure but I can't remember what it's called. I think there is a thread on this forum on the the Mona Lisa. I think it's worth talking more to your doctor about, or talk to another gyn. if you think your current one isn't listening to your problems well

    I know you said you've tried all kinds of lubricants, but one that helped me was Creme Femme.



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  • NotVeryBrave
    NotVeryBrave Member Posts: 1,287
    edited April 2017

    I second the coconut oil. My OB/GYN had recommended it for general lubrication before all of the BC misery. Chemo has done a number on me. Between the normal tissue problems from it and the fast track to menopause - yes, definite problems in comfort even without sex.

    I just apply about a pea-sized amount to the skin after showering each day. It's slippery but not too greasy. It started to help with discomfort within days.

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  • Mona7800
    Mona7800 Member Posts: 2
    edited April 2017

    Try vaginal dilators. They seem to be helping me keep things elastic down there. And yea, try the mojo thread!

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  • LAKM1109
    LAKM1109 Member Posts: 2
    edited April 2017

    I also had intimacy issues and was hormone positive.

    My GYN and I settled on using Osphena because I had a total hysterectomy so I felt okay using Osphena.

    I have now learned of a treatment called "Mona Lisa Touch" which is a laser that works on tissue and stimulates a collagen response and reduces inflammation.

    I hope this helps!

    Lisa

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