looking for a good retort/response

Naps,

Is it possible that the people who are asking are genuinely concerned? I like to try to see the good in people so without sounding like a pollyanna, I just think they really are worried and want reassurances or want to let you know they're concerned and that they're thinking of you.

The above posters comment is actually perfect if you wish to engage them. I might even shorten your reply to I'm doing and feeling great, then leave it at that.

Good luck at the wedding.

Amy

Yeah, I feel you after navigating a family funeral recently and getting mildly grilled a few times. "i am feeling great. What's new with you?" worked for the most part. When repeatedly pushed by someone who is a relative, but not one I am close to or see with any regularity, I was meaner. "I hate 'medical shop talk'. So often when people push for info, they are either concerned about their own health or just being nosy, so I just don't go there. Suffice it to say that I am happy about where things are heading for me. How is your son doing?"

Sometimes people ask because they genuinely care; sometimes people ask because they are dipping a toe for knowledge that they fear they may face (or know someone they love facing it) and want an example of success.

If you are genuinely offended by an inquiry, you have every right not to answer or defer the question.

Here are a few ideas:

1. Cancer is a crapshoot, there's no way to know how anyone will do.

2. When I die from something else, we will know I was a success story.

3. Anyone can get cancer and no one knows who will beat it or not.

4. I have a great team, the rest is up to the universe.

5. Clueless and not gonna think about the ugly till/if I need to.

I have a snoopy neighbor who does care inside but does say some stuff we'd consider wtf. Nothing terrible but you know. Because I know she really does care and isn't just a snoop or just fishing to hope I'm getting worse I educate her. I know she has issues with memory and let's face it, if we aren't going through the same thing we're likely not going to remember what was said to us before. So I answer nicely basically repeating what I know I've told her before. I like to take the route that someone cares v someone is just being ignorant or mean.

I personally don't mind talking about it even if it's on repeat. It's educating. Anyone can get cancer so why not give the lowdown in hopes that you could be saving that person in case it happens to her as well, rather than a buzz off type response. After all these txs my memory stinks so I repeat a lot of stuff. Thankfully those listening to me aren't looking at me like wtf. I certainly don't want someone else to feel that way from what I say.

Now at something like a wedding/event then no, I won't address anything there and would let the parties know that it's not an appropriate place to talk about this.

If there is anyone who has a real reason to know 'anything private/personal' - they would already know. Those 'nosey busybodies' are not worth wasting your time on or,giving them any info they will turn into unsubstantiated rumors.

If someone honestly asks, a simple " Doing great." is all that's called for as an answer. For those 'nosey nasties' persist - be prepared to turn it right back on them. "How's your heart (or any other health issue you know they have) doing?" or "How's your 'relative' doing with rehab?", etc.. In other words - turn it back on them.

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Unless you know the person really doesn't care about you, I don't get the snarky responses.

I see it differently. If the person asking my prognosis really loves me I know he/she is concerned- and is not being a snoop or doesn't mean it other than concern. When my friend's sis was dx'd with cancer I asked her that. It wasn't good (pancreatic cancer) so knowing that time was for sure short we all spent more time together which helped her psyche. To me it depends on who's asking. My bro asked me when I broke the news. Wasn't sure definitely not on the day of dx but told him everything I knew and kept him updated. He and I are close. So it depends, imo.

You can always tell your friend you don't like these type of responses. If she says why just say because I don't, can't explain it. It she's your real friend she'll stop with it. If she doesn't stop and it irritates you so then cut down on seeing her. You can't change a person if that's just the way they are and have always been that way. If they are consciously doing this due to your bc stuff then that's where you may want to step back if it's that annoying.

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In rereading this past post I realize it was a bit harsh…sorry! It was not toward any of you sweet sisters dealing with the rudeness of others! This is a very painful topic for me as I had it go both ways….some who ask too much ( especially in front of my four kids) and others who I thought would be there with thoughtful support walked away without asking once how are you doing! It's your story as its your life…you decide what will be told and to whom!

hopefour - I agree with everything you said. And, feel the same way. I don't think your post was harsh. I've told a few people at work - who ended up - telling people - that I don't even know that well. Then - I've gotten advice (and, questions) from these people that I normally don't have very many interactions with. Its hard. I'm kind-of a private person - already. (- except for on here...)