5 years out -- how do you feel?

Just reached 5 years recently. I was 55 at diagnosis and felt like I went to 90. Slowly it went back down to more like my real age.

I am self-employed and do work full-time, but I have to pace myself. I'm grateful I work from home so I can take breaks. Still, I find myself going to bed 2 hours before sleep time to just lay and watch television. I get fatigued by 8:30 pm - never used to as always was a night person staying up until 1 am before BC. I do not have the energy for outside activities like I once did like gardening and yard work. My gardens have become smaller.

But all things considered, I've learned not to compare this reality to my old reality. It took a long time to get to that point. I don't get so mad at lymphedema and one breast gone. I've learned to wear high cut tops and finally got rid of all the old ones. Just last week I got rid of everything in my closet that reminded me of breast cancer!

Occasionally, I still have chemo flashbacks, but they are less than they were. I still have what I call "cancer of the week" fears about some mets or new cancer, but I don't get so crazy. I've learned to live with the fears like an unwanted guest that never leaves.

I am actually 14 years out and still feel some of what you talk about. I felt 10 years aged since the treatment and always felt so discouraged about that. I went through a divorce within 14 months of diagonisis and had to start a full time job (after being a stay at home mom) to care for my family. I worked for 7 years and it sucked the life out of me. Those years were very diffucult. I did remarry and eventually had to quit before the stress and exhaustion killed me. The last couple of years I have found new energy with a new direction I've taken in my life with personal development, thought management, etc..

This has been a great blessing to me and raised my energy and finally seeing a bright new future for myself.