newly diagnosed sister-TND

AnnieO64 · March 2017

Hello everyone. I need your help. My 56-yo sister has been recently tentatively diagnosed with stage 1 TNBC. I say tentatively because she has not yet had surgery and the doctor is confident that it has not spread to the nodes. However, that can all change with the surgery and if anything is found then. Nonetheless, I am very surprised with her comment to me that she is going to wait for surgery and chemo until her son's wedding, which is in September. While I understand that she is making some emotional decisions, this just floored me. I told her that I think it's a risk that she should not take. Let me give some background...we lost our mother to ovarian and multiple myeloma and my oldest sister to inflammatory breast cancer at age 42. We have some hinky gene mutation (we are both BRCA1 & 2 negative) that needs further testing. BUT I think the first step is 1. surgery and 2. consult. What do you all think? Can you let me know YOUR experiences with this particular cancer so I can share with her? Many thanks--

Icietla · March 2017

Hi AnnieO64, and welcome to BCO. We are so sorry about your having lost family members to cancer and about your sister now having been diagnosed. Your shock and worry are understandable. You have come to a great place for information, understanding, and support about breast cancer concerns.

Our discussion boards here on BCO generally do not have so much activity on the weekends. I am sure some TNBC members will be along to share with you their treatment plans and experience.

Is she aware that TNBC is one of the more aggressive breast cancer types?

Is there any reason to think that she may be angry or resentful about her son's wedding or about his getting married? What is she thinking -- why would she make this connection of her son's wedding and the start of her breast cancer treatment?

aterry · March 2017

Annie064, When did you sister first learn the news? The first 2 weeks after my diagnosis were very confusing and scary. She may be in turmoil due to the family history. I was getting conflicting suggestions from friends about where to get treatment. I got a second opinion which clarified things for me and set the plan of action. How does the Dr know that the lymph nodes are clear? Is he a Medical Oncologist or Breast Surgeon? Maybe she's worried that she won't feel well for the wedding and activities leading up to it but the earlier she starts the better her chances are of being past the disruptions. You might want to read through some of the threads on TNBC. I often visit " "Calling All TNs" which is pretty active. You could get a sense of how others have handled their treatment choices.

anotherNYCGirl · March 2017

Hi Annie,

Sorry you needed to find us, but you have come to a good place!

Your sister still has unanswered questions, and will have a better idea of a plan once she has more information. As she, I wanted to wait to start chemo until after my daughter's wedding, but the oncologist would not go along with that. I had surgery and started chemo, and was ok at the wedding. I lost my hair about 10 days before the wedding, but had a nice wig and good make-up and looked fine. My oncologist worked with my schedule and did allow me to postpone a Friday treatment to the following Monday so that I would feel ok, which was a big help.

I'm sorry that your family has been through so much. No doubt your sister's surgeon and oncologist will steer her in the right direction, - but the triple negative boards here are a wealth of information!

Hugs to you and your sister!

AnnieO64 · March 2017

Hi everyone--thank you so much for responding. This gives me the feels--for real! My sister was just recently dx days ago. I totally understand the emotional tornado she is in and I'm trying very hard to listen and not judge her for what she is thinking or wanting to question her surgical oncologist. I want to be reasonable so that she knows that she can talk to me without being shut down. I do think she realizes that this is an aggressive cancer but hasn't completely processed it yet. Although my oldest sister has been gone for now close to 20 years, the memory of her dx, the treatment, her fears...still remain very vivid. She was dx with stage IV IBC. It was unreal. So the wedding thing...I think is a "mom" thing. She doesn't want ppl to see her sick (she will be at the end of her chemo cycle) and thinks she will have this forever memory in photos. I told her that her son would rather have these photos of her in whatever state and have her around for a long time after rather than having her postpone. If you can give me or her advice, I would sincerely appreciate it. Love to all you badass survivors.

Icietla · March 2017

Your sister is very fortunate to have you to support her through this awful time.

Yes, listening without judgment is very important support. Often, no responses needed unless that is asked or suggested. The loan of another's ear, so to speak, is a wonderful gift. It is one example of the very best of gifts, the gift/s of one's time -- priceless because it is irreplaceable.

The diagnosis delivery is stunning. Even when it is expected, it is stunning. If much more information is given in connection with it, it can all be way too much to absorb. Many people remember fairly little of what they hear (or are told -- it seems they hear fairly little) at those times. Your sister may need some reminding (or reviewing) from someone who was more focused on what was said at that time. [There may not be such a person, other than the Doctor who gave her the news. Sometimes the accompanying support person has a foggier perception/memory than has the diagnosed person of the whole event.]

Part of the feeling of grief for Loved Ones is the feeling of closeness. The sense of closeness in that grief can be very strong, as if it might be (or might as well be) of closeness in the proximity/spatial sense too. Of course there is more than one possible explanation for that feeling. Contemplate on your own.

Her treatment will have to be on her own decision, of course. But yes, great, in case it might help/nudge her along to readiness, appeal to her motherhood, appeal to her prospects for grandmotherhood, appeal to any and all of her fondest attachments in Life.

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Prompt treatment gives breast cancer patients their best prospects for survival.

https://sciencebasedmedicine.org/you-have-breast-cancer-how-soon-do-you-need-treatment/

This quoted material following is from an article about all the difference it can make to reject conventional treatment. In its third section there is this discussion of some study findings with regard to women breast cancer patients -- on average, Stage II at diagnosis -- who had surgery but refused or delayed further conventional treatment.

"In patients that accepted surgery but rejected adjuvant therapy (chemotherapy/radiation), the initial 10-year relapse-free survival was estimated at 59.2%, which would have been 74.3% had the patients accepted these treatments. Actual outcomes were much worse than predicted. The actual observed relapse-free survival was only 13.8%. Some subsequently elected to take palliative chemotherapy and radiation to control their disease. From this study we can conclude that refusing or delaying conventional cancer care is associated with much worse outcomes."

Source:

https://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/rejecting-cancer-treatment-what-are-the-consequences/

Please bear in mind that with the usual distributions of breast cancer types, the statistical findings to which these articles refer -- except for the parts pertaining specifically to the cases of more aggressive cancers -- would be significantly skewed/weighted by all the difference that the degree of tumor aggression would make in outcomes. We can fairly surmise that the outcomes would be appreciably worse in the cases of more aggressive tumor types.

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The Purple Hat__

http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Im-Getting-Older/3194620

Love and Peace to you too. (((Hugs)))

newly diagnosed sister-TND

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