Any moms out there with young kids?

Mine were 8 and 12 and I was very forthright with them. They are both very scientifically curious, so I asked them how much information they wanted. My oldest wanted very little detail and many assurances and my youngest wanted all the gory details. She also wasn't grossed out later on with my incision sites and drains the way my older one was.

They both went to stay with my mother for the first week after my BMX, then they came home for a weekend and then went to Girl Scout camp, then home for a weekend and then on vacation with my husband for a week with extended family. I would have been fine seeing them anytime after the first week but

I had my surgery last year and did tell my 8 and 4 year old that I had something called cancer in my breast that the doctor needed to take out. They did not come to the hospital. They went to school and my mom stayed with them at my huse so they could keep up their normal routines.

I did tell both of their teachers so they could look out for any issues they had at school.

They were both a little scared and worried and nervous when I came home since I was in rough shape. But things quickly got back to normal for them and they made it through great

My son was 2 1/2 almost 3 at first diagnosis. He was a little concerned about my hair but I told him not to worry, it would grow back. I wasn't in the hospital much thank goodness! 2 nights total!

Recurrence when he was 6 1/2. Scary but doable. I cold capped (for myself more than him - kept 75 % of hair though he did notice and we talked about medicine and side effects). Thankfully I never slowed down, bike riding, practice, sports for him.

I tried to explain some but since my father passed away suddenly right after first go around, he is convinced everyone gets to live til they are 100 (and he's so good at math) he subtracts our age and reminds us (me) I have 55 years to go. It upset him a bit when I told him I probably wont live that long. He was scared his heart was going to stop beating the other day because he ate his pancakes too fast (lol) and he didn't want to die like "papa John". I explained best I could and reinforce healthy eating, exercise etc. Also reminding him that I love him and want to be him, but in the things I love, that he now loves (bike riding, going to the park, riding roller coasters) - as long as he does these things, it will be like a part of me always being with him (I'll be damned if I live long enough and can't help mold my kid into someone who is not crippled by the death of a parent!)

While certainly not ideal, I think kids can and should have to face as much of the reality of the situation as they can handle without over-stressing them. After all, there are parents who die in war, crime, auto accidents. I used my recurrence experience to make sure we took our son to a funeral last year for his cousin's other grandpa. I certainly don't want to be his first experience with a funeral, and since the man was 85+ I figured it was a good introduction. He wanted to touch him, wake him up etc.

Older kids it may be more upsetting because they may have seen, heard of or already lost someone and realize the finiteness (is that a word?) of death. We believe in heaven, but we all know that being around for our kids, to comfort them, wipe boogers, deal with their teenage tantrums is still more preferable for our motherly instincts. It's a tough tough situation. But if handled with love, realism, and a brave face...I'm telling myself when I look back in 10, 20 yrs - how I'll still be here (or not) and what a great time we had and how strong, and understanding my kid came out of this ....crappy shitty disease.

God bless...

hi loveandlightinLA,

Yes, I would tell your little one's teacher that you wanted to share something that is going on with you so that the teacher can keep an extra eye out for any concerns. And exactly what u said above, to please be extra compassionate right now and that this is how you explained it to your child (boo boo) and that you Are avoiding using the word cancer (and surgery etc) because of her age. Since it is January already, the teacher should know your little one well enough to see changes and let u know, or just give little reassurances as needed

And I just reread my original message to u and realized auto correct made it say my 9 year old teacher wasn't wonderful. She was. She was so so wonderful. I hate autocorrect. My sons teacher shared that her mom was a breast cancer survivor but has since passed (not from cancer but 20 years later) , so his teacher was compassionate from personal experience also!!

❤to you!!!

Good suggestion about the teachers. I too let my sons teachers know. His current teacher's son had leukemia last year and totally gets the fragility of life! We found out another classmate has a sibling with Downs and several classmates going through divorces, remarriage and nasty custody fights. Most teachers will be extra gentle and compassionate, all of them have respected my privacy (though I swear I get preferential treatment when it comes to volunteering opportunities so work that aspect for all it's worth!)

It really is so hard ,LoveandlightinLA, but it gets better. I am 5 months post-mastectomy and life is starting to normalize again.

Hi ladies, I have a daughter that just turned 4 in December. I've tried to be as honest and forthright with her as possible and help her understand what I'm going through and let her know she can ask any questions. Before my surgery, I told her I had a bad lump making me sick and the doctor had to cut it out. She stayed with my mom and dad for the day of and day after my surgery. I was only in the hospital one night and only had my husband with me. I was not up for visitors at all.

She was so sweet and caring during my recovery. She would 'help' with my drains and be my little nurse when I needed water or something. And gave tons of kisses and hugs. She also asked to see my incisions a lot, but I would show her and tell her if they hurt or not. I just didn't want it to be scary for her. She was sooo happy when I could pick her up and carry her again .

Now I'm going through chemo and a friend of mine who is an oncology nurse sent us some age appropriate books and a coloring/workbook about cancer treatment and hair falling out and all that. Reading it in a book made it less strange, I think. We call it 'treatment' and my daughter asks about my treatment and when I'll have my next one. We talked about my hair falling out before it happened. When I buzzed my head, she laughed and thought it was funny .

My prognosis is good, so haven't talked about any mortality issues and hopefully won't have to anytime soon. She is in preschool and I haven't specifically said anything to the teachers, but I know my daughter has told them I'm doing treatment and they can see I lost my hair and wear hats when I drop off/pick up, so I'm sure they've somewhfigured out what's going on.

I am mom to a 9 and 5 year old and had BMX two weeks ago. I told the kiddos teachers and guidance councilor by email two weeks before my surgery. They were very kind and I agree it helps them do their job when they know things are "different" at home.

We explained the doctor had found some cancer cells and I needed the surgery to make sure I stayed healthy. Our 5 yo didn't really understand other than I would have to be in the hospital for a few days. Our 9 yo grasped more so there were more questions to answer from him. I was in the hospital 3 days total so we chose to have them come see me in the hospital the 2nd day so they could see that I was well taken care of and doing OK. If it had only been a day we might have skipped the visit.

We've tried to keep the normal routine of karate and lego club as much as possible. A good book is "let my colors out" to explain that the things they are feeling are ok and good to help talk at their level about good and bad days.

my son was 8 and my daughter was almost 3 when I was diagnosed. I told them both that my body was made of cells, and that some of my cells had broken. I told them that you can't let broken cells to stay in your body, so the doctor has to take them out. Then I said that I needed medicine (chemo) to keep the broken cells from coming back.

I made light of losing my hair "it's so crazy...mommy's medicine has to make her sick in order to make her better...isn't that just a hoot!"...it was hard, but I always made light of it.

My son is ten now. He told me recently "I was ok because you seemed ok."

My daughter had a harder time. She was more impacted and had fewer words. She now equates short hair with being sick, and refuses to have her hair cut...

Trust your instincts on what to tell her. Each kid is different.

Hugs...

Loveandlightinla,

So glad you got a loving response from your little one's teacher!!

To all the other mama's,

Wishing you good days ahead