INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours

There's something else I wanted to add to my rant above.

Some of you may remember my mentioning my friend and mentor, Retha. She had BC years ago, and every Tuesday morning I went to visit her for a couple of hours. I'd usually swing by Sam's and pick up a bunch of roses for her, and sometimes when she was going through a rough patch, we'd sit and not say a word, or she would nap, but knew I was there. I watched how her husband cared for her, made sure she had everything she needed, put his business on hold for her sake. I wondered if I could ever trust DH to do that for me. I thought at the time that if I were ever in that position, I would forego treatment and let the disease run its course. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. Obviously the initial slash/poison/burn didn't rid my body of the cancer, if anything, it made me weak to resist the progression. I'd still have my hair, my teeth, my eyesight. I could still eat a sandwich without cutting it into little bites, or tear meat off of a rib bone with my teeth instead of a knife. Maybe I could drive myself to lunch with a friend.

Maybe I'd already be gone, but I wouldn't have wasted almost 3 years getting there.

Adjusting attitude again

Mags, I am so, so sorry. You have more than enough on your plate.

I respectfully suggest that DH is in charge of his behaviour and you are in charge of yours.

You are not responsible for his drinking.

He is not responsible for your DX.

With the greatest respect and concern for your well-being I suggest it sounds unsafe to make DH responsible for whether or not you continue to accept treatment.

Truly this horribly hard, tough decision is your decision. Certainly as your husband he has input and counsel and opinion, but in the end it is you who are dealing with the cancer and you who are dealing with treatment, the SE's, the appointments, the works.

Please get the very best information you can possibly get about your choices. You are always in a better position to make good decisions if you have good information.

It's your decision but that doesn't mean you are alone. You are taking in information and support from lots of sources to help you make good choices.

Hopefully DH will support you in whatever it is that you decide.

You know there is always love and support on here.

Love Susanna

Mags sorry to hear what you are going through. This must be putting a lot of extra stress on you,wishing the best for you and your husband.

Mags ~ Here's a (((hug)) and and kiss for your forehead. I'm so sorry for all the chit. Feeling as bad as you feel now, you don't need to be worrying about anyone else but YOU.

Your husband has made his choice. It is a stupid and selfish choice. You are worried about being able to care of yourself if something happens to him. Girl, you are already taking care of yourself and have been for a long time! . You made the arrangements for the nurse and caregivers coming to tour home. You are in charge of your doctors and treatments.You are probably the main decision maker in the household already. Your cousin is there for you and helps you. You have great friends nearby. What does your husband do for you now that you would be missing if he were gone? Hopefully you have your own income from SSD or a pension or both. Remember, the surviving spouse is entitled to the other's benefits too. SO....If the man is foolish enough to kill himself with drink, you'll be ok. It sounds like his liver has a good head start on your cancer. You could throw in the towel and he'd still most likely pass before you. By then you would have lost any gains you've made while on your treatment plan. There is no logic in your proposed decision.

I know you are sick and tired and frustrated. You are angry too. Who would't be? Use that anger to power some positive decisions and make whatever positive changes you can - big or small.

YOU ARE IMPORTANT. Do what is best for you and all who love you.

Adding my shoulder to wall of support 💜

Oh dear Mags, your burden is great. It hurts to see the ones you love not caring for their health. Then the hurt turns into anger because we have this fear of what would happen to them if they continue in the path of self destruction. Why would anyone in the right mind want to do such thing? Maybe that is how they cope. Maybe they don't know how to or have the tools to deal with their giant/monster themselves. From what I have read over the two years I have been on this thread, your DH sounds like he loves you very much and you are his strength. I still remember what Rosevalley wrote about this thief that we all here are fighting against. ...it robs us of our innocent, our relationships, our sense of peace, and our joy. This thief not only affects us, but our love ones too. If our spouses or partners all get together to talk about their struggles with our diagnoses, I am sure they have plenty to discuss/share. I feel for you both and I am sorry you have this heavy burden to carry, but you don't have to do it by yourself. Let Him carry it for you. Lay it at the cross. I find that mine is lighter when I don't carry it by myself. We don't have the power to successfully change another person's heart. I am not in your shoes, but I do understand why you want to stop treatment when you don't see the purpose in continuing. Please don't make decision based on your frustration. You both are hurting. I am sorry. Hugs

You gals are so good..... I love all the suggestions and ideas.... and you are right.... It's all up to just one person.... yourself..... No matter how much we want things to change, it ain't gonna happen. That's why my Mom always thought "Let go and let God.." And the serenity prayer..... But I kept waiting for those prayers and thoughts to help her!

She was just stuck.... and she gave up... and she quit taking care of her health.... So we lost her first......... Then Dad sort of gave up drinking so much, because he found out SHE was his life! He missed her terribly!

He was so sorry, he told me over and over how their lives went so fast, and how he "could have been better"..... It was really after Mom died, that I started caring for my Dad... He was an alcoholic all my life.... and didn't care! But seeing him so empty.... and sad, and remorseful.... I got to really know my Dad.... I even loved him again! He depended on me, even though I was in a different State....

We talked about twice a day... Him telling me how he put his arm over her pillow.... but she wasn't there.... and I cried with him....

If only................ but I'm sure they were happy in their own way.... It's kind of sweet remembering my folks..... Take care..........

Isn't the dog sweet? What a gift! The owner is blessed.

MamaJ, I love the Creation Calls video! I don't think I told you that the last time you shared it.

WildT, dad is improving slowly every week. Tomorrow will be 5 weeks since the incident. Anything related to the nerve is tricky. He still has hyperesthesia, but I am glad he is making progress. A light touch on his right deltoid muscle does not trigger the same degree of pain compared to when he was first injured. I hope eventually it will go away. Sleeping has been difficult and he is exhausted in the morning. I told him a few days ago to try sleeping at night without the neck brace to see how it goes. He will see the neurologist on the 10th of February. Curious to see what the doc has planned for him.

How was your night out yesterday? Hope it was not too taxing to your body. Are they still planning to remove DS's tonsils?

Simplicity, how are you? Have not seen you for ages. Kids behaving for you?

Hello Enerva! Always enjoyed seeing your crochet work. Hope life is treating you well.

Peppy, will try to jump into your pocket on the 9th.

Ms. S, yay to drain removal soon.

Now where is Susan?

Is Spookie sporting a new do in your avatar Spookiesmom?

Lover, i loved that video. So glad that dog found her calling in life. She has sooo much love to offer.

Enerva, I was just going to ask if you were still crocheting. You do wonderful work. Love the roses you did for your grandma.

Poppy, Even though you said the 2/9 surgery is minor, it's still taxing on your body. Especially with so many surgeries in such a short period of time! My thoughts are with you, and I will join Loverly in your pocket.

Loverly, I'm sorry the healing for your dad is slow and sleep difficult. I hope the Neurologist provides good information! I did have a little more energy for my night out Sat, and it was a nice time. I was home by 12:30, but I definitely needed extra rest yesterday! We have a follow up appointment for DS's tonsils in a few weeks. It's going to be with a different ENT, but same office. The first ENT he saw was the one I could get in to first, but in the meantime DD had surgery with another and I like the one DD saw better, so switching DS to him. I just told them that I like having the same provider for both kids. So, we'll be getting a fresh look/second opinion.

just a different, old pic. She always has long hair. Much more than me😜

Hah! Sort of Veronica Lake?

Spookie, Chevy are we showing our age? 😉

I'm only 41, but when i was a kid- i wanted to be Veronica Lake so bad! that hair!

Chevy, you don't know how to stay out of mischief

You got that right J. 😂😂.