Lasting Memories

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Southernsurvivor
Southernsurvivor Member Posts: 632
edited February 2017 in Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY
I would love to hear suggestions of memories that Stage IV women have created to leave to their family members. I am not a particularly creative person (i.e. will not be scrapbooking or knitting) and would like to hear what others have done. It would be nice to have some suggestions that are small yet meaningful, as it may not seem so overwhelming to me. I have a DH and 2 sons (will be 17 and 21 this year.) It seems that some possessions that are sentimental to me would not be sentimental to them!

I really want to start thinking about this. One idea that a friend of mine who owns a funeral home had, was to write a letter to each of them and include shared family memories, thoughts of what makes them special, etc., written in my handwriting.

Thank you all in advance!
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  • ScienceGirl
    ScienceGirl Member Posts: 207
    edited January 2017

    Hi! I think about this a lot since I lost my mother years ago and don't have any possessions to remember her by / pass down. My mother in-law was an amazing cook and it wasn't a holiday or get together without certain of her special dishes. When she passed a lot of those recipes were lost. I'm thinking of making a cookbook for my daughter of family recipes. I think she would appreciate that, maybe not now at 19, but when she's older. I don't know if your sons like to cook, but wouldn't that be awesome if in the future they or their wives could serve Mom's special dish.

    I'm also thinking about doing one of those recording books for my future grandchildren, ha ha hopefully I will have some!

    I think handwritten letters are a wonderful idea.

    This is a good topic, I look forward to others ideas.

    Kim

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  • DivineMrsM
    DivineMrsM Member Posts: 9,620
    edited January 2017

    Southern, I have a son in his 20s who was 18 when I was dx. At the time, I bought a notebook and wrote some things down a little at a time, what I hoped for his future, words of wisdom. I would write when things popped into my head. Not a lot of pages, no more than ten. A year or so ago, I added things specific to him that I liked, loved and admired. How he is independent. How he is a loyal friend to his buddies. How I always enjoy our conversations while riding in the car. His creativity.......

    I do not do this from a place of sadness or depression. I don't want the process of creating keepsakes to bring me down.

    Scrapbooking would be tedious for me. When I do things, go places with dh and ds, I take a few photos. I post them on Facebook. You can select someone to "inherit" your FB page when you pass, so I chose my son. It is called something like a legacy person. He will always have access to all those photos that way.

    I also have a book called "All about Me" that asks many many questions for the owner of the book to answer. Favorite color. What was childhood like. Fav vacations. Poitical affiliation. Pages and pages of this. I have filled out some of it. Things maybe my son wouldn't think to ask or I wouldn't think to mention but after I am gone, he might wonder how I feel. I should pull the book out and fil more of it out. You can find these kinds of books on Amazon.

    I am also trying to get my vhs tapes converted to cd's. Its a bit of a pain because I want to edit them to take out unnecessary crap like ten minutes of fireworks or endless vacation scenery.

    The past few months, I've sorted through my printed photos since being married and pulled out ones that have my husband in the picture. I also got recent photos with him printed. I put them all in one photo box, sort of in order from when we first met and married. One section has vacation pics. One has fishing photos. One with him doing different home remodeling projects. One section is all the extended family photos of gathering over the years, ect. We're married over 25 years. His birthday is this week and I'm giving him the box as a gift. I enjoyed this project and did it a little at a time. I am thinking he's gonna have a moment when he starts looking at his married life in pictures.


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  • DivineMrsM
    DivineMrsM Member Posts: 9,620
    edited January 2017

    Science Girl, the recipe book is a great idea. My mom was also a good cook and I wish I had her recipes. I didn't really cook much till I was in my 30s, so I think your daughter would eventually love having your recipes. I've copied some of mine and put them in a one inch three ring binder

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  • kayrnic
    kayrnic Member Posts: 1,708
    edited January 2017

    I was going through my boxes of cards/letters people had written me over the years. I wondered what I should do with them. So I made an envelope for each person (friends, husband, son) and put cards and letters that THEY had given to ME in the envelope. When I die, my husband has strict instructions to make sure each person gets his/her envelope. I also wrote each person a letter and included pictures of me and the person together on various occasions. I hope the envelope full of memories will serve as a meaningful attempt to tell them what they mean to me and thank them for being in my life.

    I also scrapbook. My son will receive those.

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  • Southernsurvivor
    Southernsurvivor Member Posts: 632
    edited January 2017

    Wow - thank you all for some awesome thoughts!

    ScienceGirl - I do have a few recipes that I probably am "known" for in my family. Really good idea!

    Divine - you really have put a lot of effort into this - I'm sure your son and husband will be so appreciative.

    Kayrnic - I really like this suggestion although unfortunately I haven't kept many notes or letters since I was originally diagnosed almost 10 years ago. I always thought it was meaningful just to me, but is so thoughtful of you and will mean so much to your recipients. Now I may just need to go back and see what I have actually kept!

    Look forward to future posts - very creative ideas!
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  • Zillsnot4me
    Zillsnot4me Member Posts: 2,687
    edited January 2017

    I'd like the idea of scrap booking but haven't done it. The cookbook and all about me are wonderful ideas. I did do the recorded books but they are children's fairy tales.

    I'd like to do a digital pix frame for each one or have a folder in the cloud for each child to have their pic.

    A therapist suggested a necklace with your real thumb print on it. I have the info somewhere but in the process of moving. Not sure if my boy would ever wear it.

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  • mirryp
    mirryp Member Posts: 41
    edited January 2017

    I do books. I've picked out favorite memories and found the old photos that go with them and put them together into a book for each child. Don't know if it's allowed to use a brand, but I use bookemon.com. Very user friendly and has templates and clip art included. Upload your own photos and add text. If you wanted it in your handwriting you could scan what you write. There are many samples to view for ideas if needed. I also write and illustrate children's stories for mygrandkids. Search Goofy Gramma as the author if you like. The ones for my own kids are still works in progress as I am still blessed to continue to add memories. I'll print them when there are no longer options for me.

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  • Kjones13
    Kjones13 Member Posts: 1,520
    edited January 2017

    I have boxes for each kid. Mine are younger, but I have put things like school and sports accomplishments. Pictures. My kids have different father's so my son has one of his dad's shirts I used to wear, cards his dad wrote to me, pictures of our wedding. I also had done some journaling when he was a baby, so that is in there as well.

    One idea is to record yourself having a conversation to that child. Maybe your husband could prompt you with some questions...about your childhood, family memories, anything really. I tried this and it was too raw and new to me, so I didn't do a good job.

    My neighbor gave me a journal and I'm going to do as divine said and write when the thoughts come to me...it's unfortunately usually when I'm driving.

    I got the recordable books. The ones I read to them as a baby. That went well. And I also have the original book to give to them too. Hopefully they can use them with their children. Baby blankets too.

    I haven't done this, but I have heard of people writing letters to their children for milestones. A certain birthday, engagement, wedding, first child, etc. seems very overwhelming to me.

    My husbands father passed about 12 years ago. So he would have been almost 30. My dh loves to wear his dad's class ring. He has a fishing hat and some rods that were his dad's.

    This is a real struggle for me. My mind tends to go in bad places so I have just procrastinated.

    Interested to read what others are doing/thinking about doing.

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  • rgc77
    rgc77 Member Posts: 52
    edited January 2017

    When I was a kid, my mother put together photograph albums for each of us with candid shots, but making sure there were pictures of all the important people in our lives at various periods. As we reached teenage, she gave them to us and gave us pictures to put in them. We all treasure them.

    Now, my kids' pictures are all digital and we don't print them out, but I want to make photo books for them. My husband made a beautiful one for his parents several years ago. There are lots of places you can get something like that printed. We did it at Costco. I will use that as a basis, and make the books as personal as possible. My older son is 17, so it really will cover his whole childhood. I also have more pictures. The younger one is 13 and suffers from being the second kid when it comes to the volume of pictures that exist. I'm into family history, so I want them to reflect their lives, but also their heritage. Maybe I'll do the family history thing separately so that they have those pictures as well. Our family is Chinese on their dad's side and English and German on mine. Makes for lots of fun.

    I also have certificates of achievement, recital and concert programs that will go in a folder. It's something I learned from my mom - a great woman for keeping things organized.

    When life becomes a little less frenetic (maybe), I am going to write some short family history stories. There are wonderful stories in every family, and sometimes we get insights into who we are and why we do things the way we do when we know the stories. I still remember the stories I heard as a child (Grandma lived with us), but someone needs to put them in permanent form.

    I still have a counted cross stitch birth sampler that I made for my younger son (coordinated with the one I made his brother). It still needs the name and date added, so I can frame it. That is one of my soon to do projects since I found it again after all these years.

    I like this thread. Keep the ideas coming.

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  • hansaim
    hansaim Member Posts: 278
    edited February 2017

    Have you heard about http://www.recordmenow.org/? It has an app for an iPhone. I heard about it from my doctor this week but I have not been able to set it up yet since I don't have the right kind of phone. It can also be installed on your computer. I hope to get it going soon and will let you know about how it is. My son is 11 yrs and there are a lot I want to say but just do not know how to begin.

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