Suffering and want to give up

I looked through some of your other posts so wanted to add that from what I know as told to my sister, her plastic surgeon preferred to do the implant surgery before radiation because radiation could impact the skin and make the reconstruction more difficult later, but it was possible either way. There was a chance that reconstruction before could end up impacting the size or shape or something of her breast so they would then have to fix that later. That did happen, my sister had reconstruction before rads and one of her breasts now needs a bit of fixing up, so she's doing that soon. The point though is that much as they think they are and we'd like them to be surgeons aren't god, that's why a 2nd opinion is a good idea sometimes too. Can you do that? And in the meantime talk to a doctor about some pain meds? Hang out with an old friend, or call a live breast cancer support group and go for coffee with one of them? Or phone a help line? I've felt pretty crummy myself in the past, not just over BC, and just a little bit of hope can get you through. We are all here for you I see that pretty clearly in other posts. Take care my friend, try to believe in any precious little moments that come where you can just be and not be in such pain.

Elise - why do you have zero quality of life already?

Ignore people lacking in compassion and empathy...........cáncer affects everyone differently, I am still awaiting reconstruction and being given the run around so much that even my psychologist is super angry and frustrated........cancer cost me a lot emotionally and continues to do so but I do feel happy SOME of the time most days..........you sound really lonely, lack of support is way too common but cáncer is a deeply lonely process, please use this site for support as we do get it....

Boy, you are right there Lily, cancer is a deeply lonely process.....

Such a sad comment. I wish I had words of encouragement for you. There are many many wonderful ladies here in all stages of treatment and perhaps one of them can lead you out of your dark place.

My wife's BC history. My wife refuses to use the internet, well except for Amazon and Ebay.

Progression with two spots on spine as of this October 2016. Maybe Cyber-knife, not sure. Dr on vacation so everything stops until he gets back.

My wife, back in Dec of 2012 was diagnosed with Stage 4 ER+ PR+ HER2-breast cancer. One node and a small spot on the spine. After 3 infusions of AC she was clean except for the 6 cm tumor in her breast. The oncologist said since the cancer was responding well to estrogen blocker (aromasin) it was best to leave it be. Ops forgot to mention in the midst of all this cancer stuff she had to have removed a grapefruit sized and very painful non-cancerous ovarian cyst.

A little over a year later, Nov 2014, the cancer morphed and went crazy. She had a radical mastectomy and breast removal. A biopsy showed it to be ER+ and the oncologist prescribed tamoxifen. 19 lymph nodes were removed and 9 of the 19 had triple negative Metaplastic keratinized squamous carcinoma. A PET scan done after the surgery showed some cancer still in her armpit, probably spill over from the nodes. She has two cancers, one ER+ PR+ HER2- and another triple negative. She went back on A-C (lifetime amount), no Taxol as she almost died from it earlier. Almost died from NeuLasta too. Also 7 weeks of radiation.

After all that she had to have major surgery to remove a tumor from her kidney. Eighty five percent were cancerous but hers was benign.

Treatment does stink, and yes you feel miserable, but you have to find a way to remain positive through it all. Do something that make you feel good. Watch that favorite movie, or go see something new. Try new make-up, or put on a pretty sweater. If you have a cat, or dog spend some play time with them. Animals can be really theraputic. Phone a friend or family member and have a get together. Push through and fight! Please don't ever give up because your life is worth fighting for. Big hugs to everyone fighting through this. Don't ever hesitate to reach out for help. It's okay! It really is.

I haven't been here for a long time. My new oncologist talked me into taking Arimidex, 18 months ago I read every word about Arimidex and decided it wasn't for me but I've felt so lousy lately I thought it couldn't be worse, why not. I'm clear of Cancer but I have an 8 year old adopted son I need to live for. I need to make a decision about Arimidex, accept it and get on with it. I'm 71 with bad arthritisand I don't need this upset. It's very hard, I don't want to feel I didn't try but I can't see throwing QOL down the toilet.

This discussion board is great, people are sharing their real feelings and pain in a nonjudgmental environment. 2nd20, I was an AI fail. I tried 3 different times but went into a deep depression each time and fast. It just was not for me. I am normally a very optimistic person and the drug just did not work for me. I can't say what the medical literature has reported on this, but quality of life is important and I do know that several RN's who were on my case told me that "it is not certain that this will help anyway." It may help and that would be great, but your body may not be able to tolerate it. If you can ask for something to help with the pain and it works, that may be a solution. I think there is a discussion board about AI's that you could look at. I personally know several people that had no issues with AI's at all, but that was not me. It was hard to say no to something that might help, but the drug changed me completely and I think that was my body saying this is not for you.

Elise, I am sad about you wrote. I can feel your pain deeply. This is a lonely hurt we all have here. I am glad to be a PM buddy with you if you want to chat. It has helped me tremendously to rely on some close friends who will listen to me and just be there. They check in daily with a funny text or email. It means everything to be connected to the outside world. I do hope that in a year, this will be behind you and you will feel differently. You are so young to be going through this, my heart aches to see that. Some day this disease will be eradicated and no other person will need to fall victim to breast cancer. A lot of people wrote to you about enjoying the small things. That is such great advice. I just got back from an awesome yoga class (with strangers yea, no pitying looks!) and felt great afterwards for going out and doing something good for myself. Treat yourself right, do things nice for yourself, everyday something nice. Women in general tend to be the givers. We BC ladies need to take now. You have to ask for things and help though - not everyone knows that you need something so you have to tell them that you do. "Train your friends" to treat you right. And you will do the same for them when they need you.

What a lovely group on this board, thank you ladies, it was a much needed lift today to see such a warm community supporting each other.

Anne

Sounds good farmerlucy. Since you are both er and pr positive tamoxifen is probably just as good as AI.

elise, it sounds like you might be suffering from severe PTSD, which can be brought on by a bc dx and tx. If you haven't already, please get some expert help in sorting out what's going on -- especially with your pain, which may be making it impossible for you to even think straight. I see you're in LA. I don't know where you're being treated, but UCLA has wonderful pain docs and psychological counselors connected to their breast cancer program. It's very important if and when you do see a psychologist to be sure it's one who deals with breast cancer day in and day out. General psychologists don't have nearly as much understanding of the effects our txs and meds have on us. If you get in touch with the Revlon Breast Center @ UCLA (it's in the main medical center complex adjacent to the UCLA campus in Westwood, just off the 405 @ Wilshire), tell them what's going on, and ask to be seen for both your pain and some psychological counseling. As top notch as they are, UCLA is also a county funded hospital, so hopefully they will take whatever insurance you have. Feel free to PM me if I can give you any additional direction or information. Hugs, and hang in there. If you can get some help for your pain, things may not look nearly as hopeless. Deanna