13 years out from stage 3a BC. Its back other side

Wendy - so sorry you have to do this again. I had a double mastectomy the first time and supposedly didn't need any chemo or rads. But did have a recurrence to my lymph nodes by my collar bone two years later. Hopefully the scan is just seeing changes in the tissue. I'm sure someone else will post that has a closer diagnosis. Hang in there girl.

Yes, I've been NED now for two years and hope to remain so. Please let us know how after you get the biopsy results. We'll be keeping you in our thoughts.

Sorry girls I had to delete as I posted on wrong thread. Dang

Without biopsy, they really can't tell too well if it is a recurrence or a new primary; either way it sucks. Hate that you are dealing with this again. Keep us posted

Hi wallan, so sorry you are dealing with this again. I had a new ILC in same breast as before about 12 years on. The emotional punch was different, worse in some ways, a little better in others as my kids are older now and when they were young I found it very difficult. When I found this website soon after the second diagnosis in 2015, it really improved things for me because I didn't feel so 'alone' anymore. I have learnt so much on these discussion boards and gained strength from others. I've also become immensely more knowledgeable about my type of BC which for me is beneficial. Sending you best wishes for your treatment and recovery. A lot has improved in the last 13 years.

wallan, I'm pretty good now. It wasn't easy 18 months ago with the second diagnosis (4cm ILC tumour missed for years on annual mammograms and ultrasounds). I'm on letrozole now which I'm tolerating. I'm doing six monthly surveillance with MRI alternating with mammo/US, due for mammo in Feb. I'm now planning to do the Color Genomics genetic testing and if positive for a mutation, I will have a prophylactic mastectomy of right breast. None of this is easy as you know.

Another big difference the second time was that I told far fewer friends and family because I found the first time that many people are highly insensitive and ignorant about breast cancer! Have not regretted this yet. Hope your biopsy results are going to be as good as possible.

KBee - agreed. It's easier to go forward physically and get the treatment started or completed since we've been there. It's harder to move forward emotionally again since as you say, the shoe has dropped. And now we know it can drop - and drop on us. What are the chances of it not dropping a third time? I still find it hard to make long term plans since my recurrence and two years after active treatment. Even things like planning a vacation in several months is a pain in the neck. One day at a time works for me - or at lease one time commitments. So today I will ignore the dust & not vacuum either.

Wallen - thinking of you.

Wallan, Feel free to PM me ANYTIME. I do truly understand. I had a few friends that took me out to distract me shortly after I was diagnosed the second time and they were so well meaning and I do so appreciate their effort, but I was a bit down that night and they were like "What's wrong? You can do this!!" There was no doubt I could, but while they were all talking about their plans for spring break, etc, I was thinking about how my kids were going to miss out on that because of my diagnosis. I was thinking about surgery, chemo, etc and what my next year entailed. It was overwhelming. It was very, very hard and it was really hard to explain to people. 3 of us from my Sept 2013 chemo group had recurrences at the same time, and we spent many hours messaging back and forth. They absolutely saved my sanity. I tried to shied my kids my feelings, so when I was down, I went for really long walks. They really helped. I took extra long showers too...great place to cry undetected. I still take my long walks or long showers when I just need me time to gather my thoughts. I can say that once I was in the midst of treatment, it was MUCH better than the time between diagnosis and treatment. I think you're in the hardest phase right now. I also found it much easier to "chunk" things. Other than right beofre treatment, I never looked way ahead at the long picture. I focused on my surgery, then on AC, then on Taxol, then on radiation. I just chunked it and conquered one chunk at a time. This was SO much easier to do and WAY less overwhelming once I knew my whole treatment plan.

I did also set other goals for my self. I am an avid runner, so I decided I would run and/or walk (or crawl) a few races, I decided on a few craft projects, and I had a couple gardening projects. We also had set up a few weekend trips. Focusing on these allowed me to plan some things and they were fun distractions. It was much more fun researching fun things to do for a weekend away than it was to focus on the other things I was facing.

Wallan.....wow....so sorry about this.....thinking about you. I really do hope you get the best news possible.

I know you know this.....but once you get your plan in place things will hopefully get better. Altho no one wants to do this a second time.... I get it.

Hang in there.

Jacqueline

Wallan I am also a recurrence and understand completely how you feel. I think your radiologists advise to go to a bigger center is good advise because they have more experience and are up on the latest, but dont read too much into his terms. I have had a couple of scenarios where radiologists scared me to death and they were wrong. Hold onto hope that it is contained in the breast- right now you only know you have one small tumor.

When I would get really down or a lot of anxiety I would go to youtube and look for "healing meditations". They sounded a little corny but it really helped calm me down. The other thing I did is note what you are doing when you feel bad an stop doing it. If you catch a moment when you are feeling OK, note that and do more of that.

Kbeee is totally right on "chunking it out". What do you have to do the next few weeks, then onto the next step.

Wallan I am doing well. I had a scare last summer with an enlarged lymph node under the other opposite arm. It looked scary on ultrasound but was negative. I focus on exercising, eating healthy and trying to be happy and stress free each day, although the stress free part is by no means accomplished yet! I may never feel out of the woods completly but slightly optomistic!