Don't think about a white bear....or a golf ball in your boob

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JLS_76
JLS_76 Member Posts: 6
edited January 2017 in Waiting for Test Results

Before you read on, take a few seconds and DON'T THINK ABOUT A WHITE BEAR!

Could you do it? Nope, and you weren't even thinking about a white bear until I told you not to think about one!

Ok.... go on...

I've been lurking here for a few days in the "I'm not really waiting for anything yet, because all I'm waiting for is my appointments with GP and regular mammogram" status. Well, I've come out of lurking status because I'm waiting for real now.

A quick about me: 40 year old woman, married to beautiful wife for 5 years, 21 year old stepson, 14 year old daughter, 8 year old golden retriever, 6 month old chi-weenie, 3 year old mischievous Bombay cat. Working full time, full time student working on Masters degree. Spend my summers camping and kayaking. Health stuff was not on my schedule this year.

I had an exam with my GP this morning, and she validated the concerns I have about the intruder hanging about on my chest. I was initially ok with that, because it was better than a response of, "nope, nothing there... nothing to address." If that were the case I'd have had some real questions about how in the world I'm carrying around one of Willy Wonka's everlasing gobstoppers in my boob if there was nothing there. And I didn't get the response from her of, "Oh, wow. That's bad. That's really bad. Why didn't you come in sooner? Your affairs are all in order, right?" That was a bit of a relief.

After her initial reaction on feeling it (Oh, wow, there it is. Yup, that's a lump. That is definitely a lump.) I got the validating, yet still unsettling, "Can't really tell how big it is. Definitely bigger than 1 cm. Seems deep, but that could be your large breasts." (Thanks for the compliment, doc! I'm rather attached to them, myself.) "Seems like it moves around a little, doesn't seem to be attached to the chest wall, that could be a good sign. Does seem solid. Could be nothing. Could be cancer. Good thing you got in at that really good clinic right away next week." All very positive and cheery.

And so we wait. And we don't think about white bears. Or golf balls. Just carry on as if nothing is different from what it was just a few weeks ago. Yeah right.

Next appointment: Jan 10. Mammogram changed from screening to diagnostic, with ultrasound. Biopsy same visit as directed by clinician on site.


JLS

Laugh Every Day

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited January 2017

    I love your humor! I do believe laughter is needed daily!! Don't worry about the term "diagnostic", those were my "regular" mammogram appts every year- just tied an ultrasound to it. Great they're getting both done, and will direct if that biopsy is truly needed for you at the same time. Hang in there- seems like a wait, which is always the hardest!!! Wishing you only white bears and golf balls!!

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  • JLS_76
    JLS_76 Member Posts: 6
    edited January 2017

    Humor is the only way to go sometimes. When I spoke with the clinic about the appointment, I was told something about being scheduled with a clinician. I've not been there before, so I'm not sure what the difference would be - maybe they have technicians run the screening appointments?

    Eh. Either way, I'll get poked, prodded, squished, felt up... alternative is sitting in meetings all morning.


    JLS

    Laugh Every Day

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  • wonderwoman101
    wonderwoman101 Member Posts: 55
    edited January 2017

    There's always a silver lining in everything right? Perhaps yours is that you already have Mammo, US and potential Biopsy scheduled all on the same day! I had to wait 6 weeks to have all of those things done and then another 4 weeks for my excisional biopsy and it's been 1 week and still no results (hopefully will receive them at my post-op tomorrow, but they said no promises).

    Not comparing by any means as I understand that waiting even overnight seems like an eternity!!! Just saying, we are all here with you and have had to wait. Bottom line....it sucks.

    If you're up for it, find distraction in your family, your pets, exercise, outings, binge watching netflix...really anything that helps bring a smile to your face and forget (even if only for a few moments) about the upcoming appointment. Also, even though it's not necessary, feel free to ask your wife or a friend to come along to the appointment with you. Might help calm you, even if just a little.

    Keep in touch and keep us posted! xo

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  • Sjacobs146
    Sjacobs146 Member Posts: 770
    edited January 2017

    sorry that you find yourself worrying about this. It is good that all diagnostics are scheduled for same day. I had mammo scheduled, then they surprised me with ultrasound. Whie on the table for ultrasound doc asked if I wanted to do biopsy now, or schedule time later. Of course I had it done right then and there. Hopefully this will turn out to be nothing, the odds are in your favor.

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  • Pammac47
    Pammac47 Member Posts: 128
    edited January 2017

    JLS 76

    I read this earlier and you started my day off with a smile and humor. I just want you to know while you are going through this you actually touched someone else. Thank you. Sometimes even when we need strength and compassion here, like you, hand back gifts. I am hoping all is for not and you don't have bc. The wait is the worst and in case you are worried the biopsy if you need is tolerable. Keep us posted you have so much spirit.



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  • JLS_76
    JLS_76 Member Posts: 6
    edited January 2017

    Thanks all for the responses. I am not talking much to anyone else about what is going on. My wife, of course, and my mom knows, but she is in another state. I've mentioned to my boss that, "There may be something coming up," because I've already missed time in the office, and I spoke to a good friend at work who is also a peer, because we pick up each others' supervisory duties when the other is out, and a couple of the people who work for me have clinical certifications coming up soon- they kind of need a supervisor available to guide them through that. Besides, we're close enough (my wife calls him my work husband) that one look at me and he knew something was up. It is nice to be able to get some of the chatter out in a forum other than with my wife - this doesn't need to be the focus of our life right now. We have other stuff to worry about - like the 14 year old daughter, freshman in high school, who has recently discovered boys, who just happen to be 17 year old car driving seniors. Lord help me! Couldn't they at least be looking at universities out of town instead of the local one???

    Anyway, I usually am too busy to think, working way more than I should, then coming home and unintentionally working some more as my phone keeps ringing with the on-call workers filling me in on the calls that are coming in. This showed up at a time when I had way too much time to think. I worked so much last year that I ended up with 5 days of use-or-lose at the end of the year, then took an extra one just for shits and giggles when my back decided it wanted to lay on the couch and binge on netflix for two days instead of doing anything productive. This week was back to the grind, as of noon yesterday, and I was kind of dreading today. Two different trainings happening in my hub today, meaning that there would be at least 15-20 extra people there in the morning and probably 10 in the afternoon. But it wasn't quite as bad as I anticipated, although it is hard to be nonchalant in a room full of mental health workers...they're too damn intuitive. We did way too good of a job hiring some of them!

    I was able to toss myself back into my work, and I have some things that I need to hyper focus on there to get in shape for someone else to be able to see through, just in case I end up missing a couple days here and there.

    Then when I got home we went down to the gym and did some exercising. I took a sipper of whisky with me. Yes. Between sets on the total gym I sipped my whisky. I decided I can exercise however the hell I want for the next few days. I'll start following the rules again next week.

    Wonder Woman- (love your handle, btw!) I didn't ask my wife, I told her. And I scheduled her for a screening mammogram at the same time. Figured it was about time she followed doctors orders and got the squish too.

    Pammac- thanks for the bit about the biopsy. I am a little concerned about that. I'm salaried, so as long as I make it to work for a few hours, I don't have to use a sick day, and I'd kind of like to save them up. I'm glad I was able to make you smile today.

    Siacobs- you made me think of the hunger games.... May the odds be ever in our favor!

    Have a lovely night, everyone!

    JLS

    Laugh Every Day

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  • cive
    cive Member Posts: 709
    edited January 2017

    Impossible not to think of the white bear!  Don't know if you saw the same TV news piece that I did where a hockey team was doing a promotional video with their mascot and a white bear.  Unfortunately for the white bear, he/she was not able to remain standing on the ice.  What ever is wrong/right, I have no doubt you'll deal with it with that sense of humor.


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