INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours
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Her feet show it.... they're Longfellow's! Hah!
We will think of you MamaRay.... Don't let it get you down..... Honest! It will get better.... with this New Year, we are all still together.... Something else,,,, Sometimes Mama, you just gotta take a break from a sad thread.... get your mo-jo back, then you can go back another day...!
Sheps! That was great! Hah! Yes Spookers is ALWAYS in the warmth of Florida.... It has gotten cold here... 30 degrees.... Now Spooks will run in and take off her flip-flops and put on socks & boots....
Janie is coming to get me tomorrow, and we will go to lunch at our favorite place....! I am so thankful she lives close to us! About 6 miles away....
Supposed to snow Wednesday & Thursday..... Stay warm girls! xoxo
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Shep, great peom/song. Thank you for including the pic!! Hope you feel better.
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MamaRay take care of yourself, surrounding you with love.
WIldtulip it is perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed, you have a lot on your plate and you handle it with grace and loving kindness
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Shep - Who knew you had such talent. Excellent poem.
WildT - One thing I have become aware of is that those who have not personally (physically) experienced cancer don't have a clue what cancer patients experience physically, emotionally, spiritually on this journey. I read and excellent article on FB last evening, a letter from an oncology nurse apologizing to all the cancer patients she had cared for over the years because even though she was an oncology nurse, she did not truly understand what this cancer journey does to the people it attacks. The fear, anxiety, pain, google searches for info, vigilance, hanging on every word of their providers trying to figure out if there is something they're not telling them, all the questions, etc.
Then this nurse was Dx'd with cancer herself. Then she truly understood. Hence the letter. It is such a complex journey as you all know. There are days when I ask myself if being tired all the time, struggling with low blood counts, the all-over aching, etc is all worth it. It also troubles me when some patients have progression no matter what they do and die sooner, but others live in a state of chronic illness & treatment for years. But I believe it is. I know that I am very fortunate in that I am 27 mos. out from Dx and I have been stable so far. I am being blessed with the gift of Kirby as well.
As Susan said, we need to seize the day. An article I read a few days ago in Guidepost's about living intentionally, written by a husband & wife who were Dx'd one month apart w/ Ovarian (her) and Brain (him) cancer. They were each given 2 years to live and initially during treatment they were tempted to give up and curl up on the couch, then they intentionally decided to keep actively living as their conditions allowed. Now 11 years later they are both stable, doing well and living on purpose. None of us are promised tomorrow, so we need to make each day count.
Now onto something funny.
The breeder sent me a video a bit ago of Kirby jumping at his Mom, trying to get her to play with him. He is definitely displaying the teenage antics. Mom had had enough of his nonsense and let him know it, but after a short respite he started in again. That boy is gonna need to learn some manners & boundaries. Ugggh! Teenagers!
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What are these things called socks?
I saw that nurses letter too. Now, she gets it. Don't know if I posted it here, a BIL was dx'd with it in his tonsils right before Christmas. He starts chemo soon. It's everywhere.
I took a break from here for an entirely different non Ca reason. I may again if necessary.
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MammaRay- I am totally with you about the cancer stuff. It is everywhere. My sister and I had it at the same time. About ever six months, there is someone in my community who is diagnosed with cancer. Most recently, a cousin on my father's side of the family just got diagnosed with bc. It goes on and on and on. And then the sisters here who have lost their battle too. I rant with you. Cancer sucks.
JunieB- you are very right about others not understanding cancer who have not been there. I have lost some friendships since my diagnosis four plus years ago. Some with people who just could not deal with anything, others who I just needed to let go of because they were so unkind during all of it.
That article about the nurse having her own experience with cancer after being an oncology nurse is eye opening. I think the best support people are those who have either had it or helped someone else through it. That is why BCO rocks, a place where women can and do help one another.
Wildtulip- your cousins were being pretty insensitive about talking about the details of your aunt's cancer and ending. But this goes to the point above, people don't get it. It is not appropriate discussion at a holiday gathering, never mind in front of two people who have or are being treated for cancer. Some of the people I don't talk to anymore droned on about everybody else's cancer to the point I had to get away from them. Not sure what they expected me to do or say?
There is no need to apologize for self preservation in the face of these comments. I would limit my time around those cousins if you can. At least for the time being. Hugs sister, you take care of you, okay?
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shep, love your poem.
Chevy, DGD will be in Denver tomorrow night, staying with DGD and Evie. She's worried about freezing! Slim chance of getting snow here in next couple days. Rare to get cold enough and rain.
Spookie, WildT and Mamma, sorry about all that's going on, cancer sucks.
Junie, you be careful and have fun with your pup. He sounds like he's going to be a handful until he grows up a little. How big will he get?
3 of us are having lunch on Friday, hoping that Lover can make it too. She got back last week.
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are you going miss me for lunch smaarty? Can't believe that was a month ago already. Wow dose time fly!
About cancer....most people I know just say to me...." I know you are going to be fine". Oh well, not sure what they don't understand about stage IV , but I think it's easier for everyone. I just smile and think all kinds of thoughts in my head...ha ha. Most don't understand the life we live, I hope they never have to. Since it's been a long journey, thank God, a long journey so far, I am numb to most comments. I understand my life and am very ok with the circumstances. This has actually made me appreciate and love everything more fuller than I could have imagined. As I have said before......in the fire, there is so much pain, and so much beauty..when I focus on the beauty my days are great. Wish I could stay there. But alas I am only human.
Hugs to all
Sweet dreams gals:
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So much on my mind and I really don't know where to begin. I have been wanting to write. It is almost 12:00 am.
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Hey Y'all ~ Many thoughts on today's "topic". I need to organize 'em all and come back in the morning.
So many beautiful, kind and thoughtful responses to MammaRay and WildT.
JunieB is off on a grand adventure.
Loverly has returned.
Somebody needs to explain socks to Spooky.
Much love to all 💕
Goodnight!
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Forgive me for not addressing everyone. It is late and memory is not too reliable.
WildT, big gentle hug to you.
I didn't get to see you, MammaRay in a wig
You made a good Santa though. How exciting for your little guy. MammaRay, hugs. Take the time you need to rest.
And Shep, nice new avatar. Love your poem. Two thumbs up. Oh, dad was petting the turtle while he was snorkeling. Ha! The guy loves animals and nature. He didn't know he was not supposed to touch the turtles
JunieB, I can't believe they let you walked 4 miles in the cold weather in the condition you were in! I have given a few people a ride to either the light rail station or another pharmacy/clinic in cold or rainy weather. DH doesn't like it. I told him I can read people (most of the times). You are leaving tomorrow to bring your baby home, right? Hope you feel better soon. You need the energy for little Kirby. My goodness, he sounds like a busy boy.
Ms. S, when is your surgery?
Teka, nice to see you dropped in. Ahh I saw that ShepK was giving you a hard time. Haha
Ms. Spookie, you guys got some cold weather there. We were supposed to hit high 20's this week, but the weather decided to change and we will be getting rain instead. Usually, it does not get as cold when it's wet.
Susan, we are going to miss you at lunch this Friday.
WARNING: Rambling sentiments ahead.
WildT, it's funny how we think somewhat alike. I didn't want to come here sooner to share of my thoughts and feelings about what happened to dad the day after Christmas while he was boogie board surfing with the grandkids, for concern that somehow the emotions would affect the sisters here negatively. I am sorry, Ms. Chevy, that I ran to you during my distress.
Dad was hit in the back of the neck by another person's board when the wave crashed. It hit him hard enough at the pressure point to temporarily paralyzed his arms and legs. He went down in the water and took in significant amount of fluid in his lungs. Thank God there was a strong young man bodyboarding nearby who saw Dad floating and immediately tried to help. When I saw my dad flaccid body being pulled out of the water, my heart just sank. It was only a few minutes prior I witnessed him smiling and enjoying the activity with the kids and other bodyboarders. It brought joy to my heart to see him so happy and enjoying himself. It was a 180* switch in my emotions. My first thoughts of denial was that could not be my dad! They had to fly him to Oahu as the Big Island hospital does not have specialists and is not equipped to treat trauma patients. We almost lost him. It was surreal.
Thanks be to God he is not paralyzed, but he suffers from nerve pain in both his arms from a herniated disc at c6-7 and bruising in the neck ligaments and tissues. He was in the ICU for one day and stayed an extra day for observation because of his age (76). He has to wear a neck brace for the next six weeks. Waiting for a referral to see a spine doc. He has new pain in his right leg . I am hoping it is just the stress from the trauma. I am so grateful he is still here with us, but sad to see my once active Dad in pain and has to have help with daily activity. Wish I could turn back time to tell him not to go in the water. I know it was an accident, but somehow I feel responsible.
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loverly, so sorry about your dad's injury. I can only imagine how scary it was. I popped in to say "Happy New Year" and saw your post. I want to share that I too had a herniated disc in C6 and 7, and had a fusion there with donor tissue and a titanium plate....and it fixed me right up. Sharing this to give hope that if surgery is necessary, he can be restored to his active self. I realize his age makes every surgery scary, and hopefully he will continue to heal and improve without it, but it is a successful surgery in many cases, hoping for him too if necessary. So very sorry for this, sending you and him my best wishes.
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Had a rough night's sleep. Woke up in the middle of the night with the leg muscles in left leg so stiff that it was unbearable. Didn't want to wake up my hubby with my misery from the stiffness so I had no choice but to go sleep on the couch to try and stretch the muscles to get relief. Didn't wake up until the dog came down and planted his cold nose on my cheek so I could take him out.
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Loverly, I'm so sorry for the trauma you and your family experienced, and your father's pain. Big gentle hugs back at you!! Keep us updated on his status.
Susan, Wishing you many days of beauty.
Forward, Smaarty, thank you for your kindness.
Chevy, Have a great time at lunch with Janie.
Junie, Yes..we do need to live intentionally. I need to remember that. May you and Kirby have a smooth trip!!
Jazzy, I actually think it was my mom who brought up her sister to my cousins. My mom has had her ashes all these years, but has wanted to pass on to my cousins. My mom actually asked me ahead of time if I thought it would be tacky to bring them on Christmas. Obviously my mom is not an emotionally connected person. One of my cousins did apologize to me later. Her 28 yr old daughter, also at the table, is the one person that noticed my reaction and pointed it out to her mom.
Meadow, good to see you.
Mommy, Sorry for your pain.
Shep, What was that meme that you posted a while back..with Happy Dust. I think we need that again.
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I Love that we can share our hearts and thoughts here, but sometimes a person needs to laugh, so here you go!
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Now dangit Loverly! Who ya gonna run to, if not MamaJ??? I WONdered where you were! I just knew something was wrong.... I just had a feeling that your Dad was having more problems.... I'm so sorry.... And don't go feeling bad, thinking it was your fault.... it wasn't! Things just happen.... you know?
Just be there for your Dad... help him through whatever he needs.... and don't forget to post here, even when you are feeling down.... okay?
Now Spookie.... I know.... I understand.... but for now, we are all okay. YOU in the warm beautiful weather, and me, sittin' here, waiting for another storm. Yes, it's today Janie is picking me up for lunch at our favorite place....
SHE has problems with her hand/arm... pinched nerves in her neck/shoulder area.... Going to another neurologist to see what they have to say... So many years of lifting heaving boxes, etc. in her floral department... It gets to you!
Tulip.... I LOVE video's like that! Hah! So many of them on Face Book!
Meadow! I had back surgery many years ago! The Ls4 & 5.... Herniated disks/coagulation/ and pressing on the sciatic nerve... but this was in 1985... And no problems now! They didn't fuse anything.... said it would fuse itself, and evidently it did... This "nerve" business is the worst...! Just takes forever to get working right again. I'm just so lucky.
Sheps... she KNOWS what socks are.... She probably sneaks them on when the temp drops below 72.... she is such a panty-waist! She is like my little sister.... I just have to toughen her up. She needs direction and probably a cup of coffee with cinnamon schnapps...Ha! I think it's called a Hot Damn!
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Wildtulip- well, now I understand better. I expect your mom may have just seen it as an opportunity to have the conversation about the ashes, if you don't see those cousins all that often. But I still think holidays are not the time to bring up heavy stuff.
Susan- I agree with you about the comments, pretty numb to them these days too. I pretty much don't talk about my health with a few folks anymore, just the ladies here, my sister, and a couple friends who can be present with the whole concept of cancer. People want to say something positive, but it often feels dismissive. I can only imagine the things you hear with being Stage IV.
Mommy- it sounds like you got leg cramps last night. Sometimes a sign of a potassium or other mineral deficiency. I used to get them a lot in my youth, more recently again. It is a reminder to me to keep up with my daily vitamins and also eat bananas. Worth a try?
Loverly- welcome back
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HI I hardly post anymore but just wanted to wish you all health, love for 2017.
I just wanted to say to Mammaray that she can private msg any of us if she needs to. I too understand I lost a sister and a brother to c. And often wonder why did I survived? And for how long ?
Just sending you hugs and strength .
The only things we can really offer these days
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Lover - Best wishes for your Dad's healing and return to health. May he be romping with the grandkids soon.
MammaRay
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Think it was more of a case of the dog having curled into the way I was laying in bed that might have done it. I get them occasionally when he does this but last night was terrible. At least he made up for it this morning with how he woke me up.
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Have a good day ladies
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Oooooh! It's Sam.....! Did you see THAT Spookers? Get your clothes on.... we gotta go lookin' for him!
That joke is like.... "I can still wear the same ear-rings I wore in High School"....!
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Loverly sorry about your dad, hope things go well for him. How scary that must of been for you and your family.
Spookie love the flip flop cartoon.
We went to Costco today for a few items😬, that apparently is one of the busiest stores in North America, At least that is what the staff tell us. After Costco we went to our favourite Vietnamese restaurant and had lunch.
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FLIP FLOPS Chevy. See?
Sam????
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Hi E- thinking of you today and wishing you a good year. You know you can PM me anytime too!
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But what's his name? I thought it was Sam! It's Sam Elliott, right?
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Loverly, when you stopped posting during vacation, we were worried. Now we know you must be so scared to even think about us. Glad your dad turned out o.k. At his age if he could be discharged from hospital in two days, he must be a very tough person, in good health before the incident. Now, don't look back, celebrate the good fortune of protection from Buddha (from your mom's belief) and from God (in your belief). Your dad must be banged very hard, help him with rehab in the next 30 days, so he can return to be a dragon..( I think he is a dragon, right?)
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Here it is again, for those who missed it the first time around.
Well Owlettes, it has been a crazy couple of weeks. Don't know when I last posted, but at least I've kept up with y'all's news. Not that I can remember a dad gum thing, but that's par for the course. I have a huge long story about what's been going on, I may have to do it in segments.
Let's go back to the Sunday before Christmas. My back was giving me fits, like a spasm on steroids, so I took one of those little bitty morphine tablets my doc gave me for breakthrough pain. Now, I'm not saying that was the cause of the insanity of the next few days, but since that was the only thing different, and everything that happened is a listed possible se, however rare, I'm thinking that was it.
What was the insanity, you may ask? Well, hallucinations, dizziness, falling, did I forget anything? When you look at what you know is a perfectly blank wall and you see something that looks like Greek writing all over it, but you can't read it (even if you read Greek) because it changes as your eyes move; or it's covered with writing in an alphabet you don't recognize, or it's covered with what looks like New Yorker cartoons, and you know there's really nothing there; or you look at the floor beside the bed and there's a man in a green shirt, and you know that can't be, so you look away and look back and he's still there; or your sister is standing beside the bed talking to you and you know she's not there...
When you head to the kitchen for something to drink and you have to stop and sit 3 different times just so you won't fall – and then you stand up and your legs give out and your cane goes clattering across the tile and your phone screen cracks, and it's 2 in the morning and everyone thinks Olivia has pulled the curtains down again (but come running anyway).
This went on from Tuesday before Christmas to Christmas Adam. Then it stopped as abruptly as it began.
So last Thursday I went to have my CT scan and threw what I thought was an unopened bottle of water and my phone with a cracked screen and my iPad mini in a bag and headed to the clinic. While I'm waiting to be called, I reach in my bag for my phone and the bag has an inch of water in it. My phone fried, iPad gone.
Well the good news is that my lung mets show a 23% reduction! Bad news, I've been without a phone. Good news, it's insured; bad news it has taken us forever to gather the stuff we need for them to replace it. DH has just brought me the last info I need, so I'm going to go take care of that. Probably check in later with the rest of the story..
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uh, happy new year? And the good news is.............reduction
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