December 2016 Surgeries

Okay gals, here goes.

I am finally in bed after a nice (complete!) date with my sweetheart. Eight hours from now i'll be in surgery. Did the special sponge soap shower, and have my alarm set for 4:30am so i can do the second one, and wash my hair one last time before the five-day no-shower festival of healing.

Not really worried, but one can't help but have a few existential glances at a time like this. It was hard saying goodbye to my son when his dad picked him up today for a week.

I should be sleeping. Wierd not having water beside my bed, but rules are rules.

I'll post again tomorrow as i get the chance.

I feel like the first runner in a relay race

Thinking of and praying for Tunegrrl today!

Not sure how I posted about thinking of you, Tunegrrl, without first seeing your posts. You are the first in the relay and soon you'll be passing the torch on to us! Thanks for setting the stage and letting us know that the radioactive injection didn't hurt that bad because I've been a tad concerned about that. Hate pain...but who likes it, right? I know all will go well and we're looking forward to your next update whenever you're able!

Best of luck to you...You are in my prayers...Tunegrrl

I had my sentinel node removed already and did not find the injections hurt too bad...

MyJourneys yes I'm have reconstruction...my cancer is on the right side.

Thanks to everyone for all the good information on here. I still need to shop,

Hi Tunegrrl - Thinking about you as well and hoping that you are able to keep the nerves at bay and rest. I wish I had caught this earlier. I have so many questions about the sentinel node mapping the evening before. No one has explained anything to me about the procedure, and would like to hear about what to expect. Anyone else going through this the night before?

Wishing you a safe and easy surgery and good healing on the other side. Please keep us posted. We are all in this to win this and we have your back!

Thinking of you 4 ladies that are having surgery tomorrow. May you all have a quick and speedy recovery to move to the next step in this journey.

We'll be on the road at 3:30 AM tomorrow. Hoping to get some sleep tonight, but my nerves still have me up. Thanks for all the well wishes and I'll post when I can.

Can we talk about emotions here a bit? We all talk about what our procedures are going to be like and how to prepare, but I am really struggling mentally. Normally I am a really strong person, and I have been through cancer and chemo before, but this is so different for me. When I got diagnosed they told me it was extensive enough to be prepared to have surgery within 2 weeks. Then I find out that the OR is so backlogged at the hospital that I would be lucky to get in within 4-5 weeks...which is exactly what happened. So the first two weeks after that I was kinda bummed but still okay. But my mentality is taking a consistent nose dive since. I am off my hormones completely now so I am in full blown menopause, meaning I am not sleeping much at all, and I am in pain with the BC, and I am tired from the stress of all this, plus having a slight identity crisis about starting life anew with no boobs when I have a lovely hunk of a man in my life that I want to keep around. I am not getting anything in my life done, and I feel like an absolute disaster of a human much of the time. I make myself get out of the house at least once a day - especially either to the gym or yoga, but beyond that I am wallowing. Am I the only one that can't concentrate on life at all? I know I am entitled to feel all this stuff, but I guess I wanna know if anyone else is in the same boat, or if you are finding other ways to deal with it that doesn't involve me taking some kind of pill.

thekeensheep, I just posted a long post about my situation, and in it I say things that parallel with what you are describing. It is hard to be at the mercy of scheduling and medical timing. We are just in such a vulnerable place. You are not the only one who cannot concentrate. I have been in my pajamas for days. I can't get anything done. I took a leave of absence so that I could focus on the surgery that now is not happening till January 5. Very disappointed. I was diagnosed on Dec 3, and since then, I feel I had a great and patient attitude. But after the surgery date change, I realized that I was putting lots of energy into being calm. Knowing I have to start all over again is discouraging. But, I am on it again. This time, it will be five weeks, so I plan to get all the information I can so that I can feel in some control about this whole process. Emotionally, I feel like I am either managing things very well or I am in denial. Maybe a little bit of both. I dread the surgery day only because i know I am going to lose it, especially when I see my children hurting and have to watch them soak in the very vulnerable place we are all in. For my children, cancer has been about a disease that cannot be cured. Today, I focus on helping my family learn more about my cancer so that they can see that there is hope for me. All of this takes a lot of energy for the sake of not losing it.

My emotions are all over the place. I feel sorry for the people close to me, my mother and brothers...Yes, I am not normal at all and get irritated on small and large things. My temper exploding at times. It is the nerves but one of my brothers does not understand so he gets angry as well....and yet not on the mood altering hormon treatment that is planned...just wondering what I will turn into..:) A spitting snake..:)

I went to my final petscan, mammogram yesterday and the tumor size still has not yet changed. I know they will know more after the surgery about my cancer but still this makes me so worried. I have made up my mind to not put in an expander at this point and will meet the surgeon on the 8 th Dec to ask for another alternativ. I just do not want the extra stress with the expander maybe causing problems in the next few months as I continue with treatment as I know so little at this point.

I tolerate my cats..:) so my new motto is if you are not a cat - stay away for your own safety...:)

thekeensheep, You are dealing with ALOT right now. The sleep deprivation alone w/hormones fluctuating is enough to make anyone feel despondent and in need of comfort & peace. Certainly for me prayers from others have been palpable and have given me great peace through this undesirable blip on my life's timeline. I know not everyone here believes or has faith in God, but I'd say don't turn down anyone's offer to pray for you...for me prayers have been powerful. :-)

Also, for me it has been helpful to schedule things that I look forward to, i.e. a pedicure tomorrow, lunch w/a group of women I adore Monday before surgery Tuesday. Helps to keep my mind focused on the fact that there are still good things to come! :-) Lastly, while I admit I haven't done it so much lately, I know in the past it has GREATLY helped when I've been emotionally bankrupt to do something for someone else. That may be the last thing you really want to do now, but I trust if you give of yourself (not suggesting you don't already) like cleaning out closets and taking clothes to a homeless shelter, for instance, it will give you a boost...not to mention get you more organized before surgery/recovery when you won't feel like doing much. It really does help to pull our thoughts away from ourselves and current troubles to see there are others in desperate situations and that we can be a conduit of generosity & grace...even in the midst of our own struggles & pain. These are just some thoughts.

Hugs ~ Kim

Thank you grandma3X that's wonderful encouragement indeed! Thank you for sharing. Love hearing from those who say the surgery/recovery they dreaded wasn't all that bad.

After my best friend posted this video on her FB today, it woke me up a bit. As long as I remember that I cannot control this...that I can only control how I deal with it on the other side, I am okay. A week or so ago, when I was having an identity crisis with my boyfriend and proclaiming how he wouldn't want me anymore, blah blah blah, he took the time to remind me that my boobs are not what makes me sexy or even attractive; it is how I carry myself and how I am as a person that projects sexiness. We are not our boobs. We are amazing. We don't have control of this, but we can control what we do with ourselves on the other side. To remind myself, I have begun to put sticky notes all over the house - both randomly and in areas that I tend to contemplate - with reminders that this is beyond my control and its okay. I cannot change this, but I can own it. I am sure I will still struggle but at least these help my mind snap back to reality. Stay active. Get out of the house. Schedule things - fun things - to keep your mind busy and make the time pass. We will get through this. We are bigger than this.