Life does not end with a stage IV diagnosis (really!)

DGHoff that makes me smile tonight! Caryn, that picture of miles is priceless!

I hope everyone is doing well. DG, that pic is awesome. I hope everyone is enjoying the moment. Wanted to share a pic of my little man. Harper is now 12 weeks old and so adorable.

Love his outfit and little shoes too!

Harper is so cute, Kandy! I wonder what he's thinking in that photo! He looks like he's definitely got an opinion or wants to tell you something! And he's so big already!

Great photo, DG! Very inspiring! I'd love to see more photos of your trip if you feel like sharing them.

And I still laugh every time I see that photo of Miles licking his bowl, Caryn! So cute!

I've said this before but someone, many years ago, told me that God gave us grandchildren as a gift for not killing our own children and sometimes I think it's true. I have 6 now, all under the age of 7 and each one has their own personality that makes me giggle with delight. My DD with 4 children moved closer to us so in 5 minutes I can run over, help them with baths, read a story or two and tuck them in bed. I like to do this especially if I'm having a tough day. There's nothing like the love, hugs, snuggles and kisses of those sweet innocent little darlings.

A dear friend of mine lost her husband very unexpectedly last week so I went to the memorial service yesterday. As we were singing, her 7 year old grandson left his parents and ran over to my friend, his grandmother, sobbing uncontrollably. He was so very close to his grandfather and was deeply stricken with grief. His sadness made me melt into a puddle of tears as I watched my friend try to comfort that precious boy. Then all of a sudden I was hit with similar grief thinking my grandchildren, especially my oldest, the 7 year old, might very well do the same thing at my funeral. I was really shaken as I could see him doing the same thing. I don't know why I feel compelled to share this right now except to say this was a very real "reality" which I've never given so much thought to, but yesterday brought to life what probably will happen one day and I guess it was too close to home.

On that note I'll wish you all a good weekend.

Amy

Amy, condolences on the passing of your friend's husband.

Love the pics of grandchildren - can't wait (but I can wait - my kids are 23 and 18 - they are so not ready)   Hope I am here when the time comes.  In the meantime enjoying life   At the Cape for the weekend took a ride to Provincetown for the day yesterday.  PTown is a great funky little town.  This was the sunset as we were leaving.

Amy,

I, of course, as the primary caregiver for my wife, KD, have quite a different perspective than all of you, but I do want to point out the obvious difference in your friend's situation and that of most of the ladies on this forum. Your friend lost her husband "very unexpectedly", whereas it will most likely be a very different circumstance for you, my wife, and all the ladies here.

We have two boys, ages 12 and 9, and "how they might handle that issue" has been one our big concerns. Well, this summer, we had the opportunity to experience this somewhat. KD's dad, "Papa", was diagnosed with a recurrence of sarcoma cancer at the same time KD was diagnosed with MBC in February of this year. We thought this was a lot for our boys to handle at the same time. (It sure was a lot for us to handle)

Well, in June, my step-dad of 25 years, "Da", contracted hospital-induced Pnemonia to go along with his existing Congestive Heart Failure. He and his doctor agreed that it was severe enough that they would not be able to turn it around, so he chose to be removed from the ventilator that was keeping him going. He had two full days from a Sunday afternoon to a Tuesday afternoon to tell everyone in his life "goodbye", including my two boys, and my boys got to tell him goodbye as well. They took him off the ventilator that Tuesday afternoon, and he passed peacefully in his sleep 12 hours later. It was a beautifully orchestrated transition.

Immediately after his funeral the following Monday, KD's dad was admitted to hospice as he had suddenly declined. Once again, our boys got to visit another grandfather to tell him goodbye. Papa passed very peacefully approximately 24 hours later.

I share this to emphasize that the important factor in our experience was the opportunity for our boys to tell their grandfathers goodbye, which is what most often doesn't happen when someone passes "very unexpectedly". Honestly, we were amazed at how well our boys handled losing both of the grandfathers in a matter of 6 days (one to cancer), and experiencing their first two funerals 11 days apart. I truly believe that our children respond in a lot of ways according to how "we" respond. I would guess that your friend's grandson was influenced to a great degree by the intense shock being felt by many of the adults in his life due to the circumstances.

This, of course, kind of transitions to the topic of "how much we should share with our children", of which there are numerous threads on BCO. We have certainly experienced that open communication at the proper time makes all the difference in the world.

I am in no way minimizing the reality of the grief that everyone experiences, but just pointing out that the "shock" of a very unexpected passing makes for a very difficult beginning to the whole grief process.

Prayers for your friend's family.

Louis

Oh, and Kandy, give Harper a lunchbox and a hard hat. He looks like he is ready head out to the factory for work. :-)

Delvzy, I'm so sorry about your mets dx. From my own experience, if you have having a hard time walking (as I was for several months shortly after my re-dx, with a lot of leg pain), be sure to have your medical team check for pathological fractures. It's not uncommon to have them with mets, but I didn't know that and limped around for several months until mine reached a crisis point that required emergency surgery to fix femur and pelvis fractures I didn't even know I had, mistakenly assuming the pain was par for mets. So that would be my first suggestion. If everything checks out good, as I hope it will, then a referral for physical therapy -- someone who is highly experienced with mets patients -- might be your next option. Also, try not to beat yourself up about going from running to preferring the couch. I think sometimes when we've been very athletic, we fail to adjust our expectations to what we can do at the moment. If all you can do is walk 1/4 of a mile, for example -- assuming you don't have any fractures, pat yourself on the back for doing that. Hopefully you'll be able to do more in the future when you get on those meds and they really kick in. Deanna

I had to travel for labs yesterday, but the sun was shining, it was warm for mid November, so Clyde (the car) needed a run. Out to one of favourite spots for lunch, with my favourite man taking my pic with our favourite car. Days like that it's hard to believe I am stage IV. Good to be alive. hugs to all, cheers, dee

Dee - how much fun! Thanks for sharing...

Amy

Kandy, He is so sweet. What a blessing for your family.

Kandy, he is so cute and looks so happy

baby therapy is the best.