Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?

Hi Sandra - Mike is certainly going through a very tough time now but you might be in an even harder position.  Being a care-giver is not easy. You did the right thing to keep Mike safe.  You can't take care of him now without it affecting your health and you can't be there for him if you're not getting what you need. It sounds like he's making great strides in recovering from this.  In the rehab facility, he'll have the care he needs to keep getting better and will be home where he wants to be sooner. 

Wishing you peace of mind and strength -

Vicki

Sandra, you have no reason to feel guilty. Mike is no condition to be reasonable. Hugs for you both.

Sandra, a new day for you and I hope you can use it to get some good rest for yourself. Of course you are not to blame for any of this, but the stress you have been under for quite some time is rearing up a bit. Mike will GET the VERY necessary help he needs to get strength restored, and you will get some decent rest so you can renew your love and care without the recriminations you may be feeling right now. No man is an island --- both you and Mike need different kinds of help at different times.

Give yourself the healing and breathing room YOU need while Mike is being taken care of with a staff that knows just what he needs and how to direct it to him. Hopefully --- even he will soon be aware of GOOD progress and his spirits will get better.

Thanks for the support. You are right...I am making the best decision under the circumstances. (I must keep telling myself that for a couple of days, because I'm unsure.) Last night when I left the rehab hospital I thought they would be able to help Mike. This morning when I got there, he was sitting in his bed, looking like he had shrunk 2 sizes overnight, with tears running down his face. Very softly he said, "I want to go home." My broken heart broke even more. His bed alarm wasn't on. He could have fallen if he got confused during the night and tried to get up. He was in a hospital gown because he had called in the night for some help to go to the bathroom, but they were too slow and he had an accident. He has had some sharp back pain for a few months and got pain drugs just before he was transported to rehab (4:30 p.m.) He was due for more later in the night, but didn't get any. He said he just sat in the dark in pain for hours. He asked for it again with the morning shift but it had been an hour and hadn't gotten any. The people at the nurses station said they had paged their doctor but he hadn't answered and they couldn't go by what Mike had been receiving from another doctor. I just broke down! With tears of my own, I tried to tell them what needed to happen but got nowhere. I'm not proud of it, but I had to pitch a bit of a fit. Everything was blamed on the fact that he got there late on Friday and they are not as fully staffed on the weekend. I told them that things better improve or I would pull Mike out of there and make sure our hospital stopped referring patients there. I'll do it too. The charge nurse was called and she was wonderful. She was angry at what had happened and asked for a chance to fix it. Things started to happen. The doctor showed up. Mike got some pain medication. Physical therapy and occupational therapy showed up and each were very good. The PT worked on his back and in less than 1/2 hour, he was pain free. OT did an evaluation and is sure she will be able to help. Mike's attitude improved a little when he realized that rehab might be good for him after all. People were nice and all apologized for the previous night. It's still not as good as I'd hoped so we'll see how it goes tomorrow.

Sandra, I am a FIRM believer that things happen for a reason. Why all of the things you have just described --- I'm not sure, but because of most of them you were able to have a melt-down at just the right time I believe ---- and there is going to be ( at least that is what I feel I'm seeing ) much attention to GETTINGTHIS ONE RIGHT.

Just meaning that there is a level and standard and what YOU did made it go on front page notice that it perhaps has not been happening. Though within reason -- a transfer etc. may have a bit of a time lag --- this was so much more. I do think you and Mike in that fashion were the needed catalyst to make better things happen -- first for you and Mike -- and second for others coming along. So I think ( hopefully ) both you and Mike will be noticing good things happening from here on out. You may not know why each of you had to "suffer" but if it brings much better for you and others -- then that reason was to get the sun and light out for EVERYONE. Sending you lots of hugs and love and healing harmonious energies to help you on this path.

Jackie

Hi Everyone,

I'm back in FL and realizing I am completely exhausted. It certainly didn't help that I had t get up at 4:30am Sat to get to the airport. I was home by 11, took a shower, then napped for 1 1/2 hrs. I stayed on my bed all day, watching some shows on the DVR that I didn't get to see while in NY. It was my grandson's 14th birthday and he had friends here for a sleepover.

My sister is doing well physically. She is off the oxygen, and making good progress with walking. They even have her walking up and down stairs because she lives on the second floor. Sandra- she was not happy going to rehab either, but in her case, she couldn't go home because of the stairs. I was not very pleased with the place the first night. The rehab is old (my cousin's MIL was one of the first residents there in 1985). They also don't have private rooms. They woke my sister at 4:30am to give her a sponge bath. Her roommate complained about the noise from her oxygen machine. But by the next afternoon, everything had calmed down. The staff is very caring and helpful. Margie has gotten to know most of them by name.

She is what I call a sandpaper person, especially with family. She has a paranoid tendency to think "we" (the family) are always talking behind her back, and plotting to control her. I used her car while I was there, and it was dirty. So I decided to surprise her by having the inside detailed. My brother and cousin didn't realize it was a surprise, so they talked about drop off and pickup in front of Margie. The first time we were alone after that, she lit into me about "everybody" making decisions behind her back, and she might have waited too long to go to the Dr but she is very capable of making her own decisions, including whether or not she will stop smoking. When she finally stopped yelling, I said I didn't realize that having her car cleaned was taking over her life, and for me it was the thought of how nice it would be, if, the first time she gets into her car again- if she ever does- it would be a nice and clean surprise for her. I also told her that I cleaned it out, and put every thing in it in a bag, even what was obviously garbage because I didn't want to pry. Then she said the same thing to my brother. He gave back as good as he got. First, he asked her when the car was being done- Saturday. Then he asked when she had found out it was being done- Thurs. He said how she could even call it "behind her back" when she had two days notice. He also told her that she had to stop that crap. The entire family stopped in its tracks the night she went to the hospital and had done nothing but support her. My brother and I were with her every day, for hours. Her children were there every minute they weren't working. My SIL, her daughter, my cousins and their children were there every other day, if not every day. In fact, the day her grandchildren came to see her for the first time, there were 10 of us already there not realizing the kids were coming. I went to the nursing counter and asked if we could use a conference room, because I thought it would be less stressful for the boys, 7 & 5, especially since they had visited my brother in hospice, and because I thought that many people weren't fair to her roommate. They agreed with no problem. As I was leaving Thurs, I asked if she wanted me to cancel the car cleaning and she said no. That was as I was leaving her for the last time, because I flew home the next morning. She has texted me a lot, never to say she was sorry, but to make sure I wasn't mad at her. I said to my cousin, she is so intent on controlling every part of her life that she doesn't see that her life is out of control. She didn't end up in the hospital for any specific issue- she had at least five major issues, that included total respiratory arrest in the ambulance.

I had another great visit with Bonnets, at her house, and now understand her screen name, but will let her share that herself. Her house is an incredible log cabin. Getting to her street was easy with my phone GPS, which failed as I turned on to her street- they have no cell coverage there. Lunch was home made potato soup (delicious) followed by homemade gluten free brownies (also delicious).

Welcome to all the newbies I have missed. As you can see, we share more than BC. This thread has been a safe place to vent or to share anything we go thru.

Sandra, so sorry about Mike. As he improves, he will understand why you couldn't keep him home. I know how hard it is to use your brain, when you really want to follow your heart. I'm so glad you realized that before either of you got hurt. My sister weighed just 84 lbs when she was admitted to the hospital, but when it is dead weight as we helped her from the bed to the chair, it felt like 384lbs.

Bye for now from a very tired lady,

Anne

So glad you are home Anne and getting to rest. Sometimes we are just in a wee way past our prime for some of the things we need to do. Bonnets, I am glad to finally here how you settled on a screen name that is a perfect fit. Glad that you and Anne could have some visiting time while she was in NY.

When indeed shall we learn that we are all related one to the other, that we are all members of one body? Until the spirit of love for our fellow people, regardless of race, color or creed, shall fill the world, making real in our lives and our deeds the actuality of human brotherhood--until the great mass of the people shall be filled with the sense of responsibility for each other's welfare, social justice can never be attained. -Helen Keller

For those of you going through rough times, I hope things settle down for you soon! Your families are lucky to have you.

Bonnets sound like a fun thing to collect! I am a vintage tablecloth/linen collector myself. My friend jokes to my DD that, that is my investment for retirement! Haha~I wish.

Had a nice lunch with some of the ladies from the exercise thread last week-end, in San Ant. Maybe you can join us sometime, Sandra. The "hill country warriors" ladies try to get together every few months.

Waiting for some cooler weather here

Happy Halloween!

I took some pictures of Bonnet's bonnets.

Anne

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.
It turns what we have into enough, and more.
It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.
It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.
Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.
- Melody Beattie

Bonnets, did I say I love those hats. I picked out my name because I'm obviously from Illinois and I am not good with coming up with anything. Especially with something catchy a bit - so I just grabbed the first thing that appeared.

Driveway is once again covered with leaves. Dh has a 'thingy' that he got very recently that is supposed to deal with fallen leaves. He says it operates mainly like a gasoline powered lawn mower --- well, whatever. I do realize that it is getting harder every year that we get the lawn settled for the winter. Here's hoping it is a power-house at dealing with the leaves because we sure need it.

Hope and pray all are doing okay and I continue to think of Sandra and Mike as well as Anne and her sis and hoping that all comes out all right.

Carole, DH is watching the game while I listen. It is a real cliff hanger.

Sandy congrats on that Cubs win. My daughter in law is from IL and her family is diehard fans here Southern CA. Also have a good friend who has been a cubs fan as well. He must be on cloud 9.

How fantastic that after 108 yrs. the Cubs are Big Timers once more. I don't follow Illinois teams much but I'm so happy for those who do. It has been a rough yr. or so and I'm glad that something so noteworthy has enlivened Chicago in such a spectacular way. Yea for you CUBS. Well Done !!!!!