feeling alone

Options
Goincrzy8
Goincrzy8 Member Posts: 387
edited November 2016 in Just Diagnosed

Was told today "the biopsy is not good" you have cancer. I was numb, she said the surgeon and the oncology referrals have been started. How do I stop crying? How do I tell my kids. I am 62 and feel alone and I know I will be fine but today SUCKS.

· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Comments

  • reflect
    reflect Member Posts: 576
    edited October 2016

    You are not alone. There are many of us here who get it. It's an overwhelming diagnosis so cry, rant, whatever you need to do. Once you start meeting your docs and have a plan it will feel much better. I'm sending you a big hug.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Sunny_Girl
    Sunny_Girl Member Posts: 111
    edited October 2016

    It is brutal and lonely at first! It does suck -

    Reflect is right, once you start seeing your providers and getting a plan in place, you will feel much better!

    Hugs tonight

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited October 2016

    Goincrzy8, welcome to Breastcancer.org. We are so glad you found us... but we hate the reason you had to come here. So sorry about your recent diagnosis.

    Besides reflect and Sunny_Girl's wonderful advise and support we would like to recommend you an article from our main site that we thought could be helpful: Talking to Your Family and Friends About Breast Cancer .

    Please keep us posted on how everything is going, we're thinking of you!

    The Mods

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Sorella
    Sorella Member Posts: 107
    edited October 2016

    Good morning Goincrzy8. I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Mine was just in August. I am 60. Everyone will tell you things like one day at a time, baby steps etc. As for the crying, seems like an appropriate response to me. I am into my 2nd month and 3 weeks post surgery and still cry at least daily. Before this happened, I saw my husband cry like 4 times throughout our lives. Now he cries often. My primary suggested antidepressants but I said no thank you. I did get ativan and sleep meds. How old are your kids? Mine are 28 and 24. They have taken it different ways on different days. The shock probably will wear off but this is scary business. Do you have friends or family that can help support you?

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Goincrzy8
    Goincrzy8 Member Posts: 387
    edited October 2016

    I do have great family and friends.I am not one to ask for help so this will be hard for me, I am independent and I can do this. Going to to work today and will have to tell boss, I can't deal with the work stress and this. Will need to work, and she will have to find someone to take over some of the stress they have created. Next is to break the news to my kids son 34 daughter 32. Her birthday is Saturday so will wait till next week. I know I will get thru this, but right now I am in my own pity party. Thanks for your responses.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited October 2016

    I know what you are going through--so many of us do. Once you get your treatment plan in place, you'll feel more secure I think. Mostly the discomfort is from feeling threatened and unsafe, but you will be safe and get through this--a bump in the road. I'm not dismissing your fears by saying that, because I was right where you are now. If there's any time to let someone help you, though, this is that time. I know you said you are independent and don't ask for help but if someone offers to do something that would make your life a little less stressed during all this, let them. I had a hard time letting others step in, mostly my husband, but it was helpful. I teach full-time at a univ. and I had colleagues wanting to teach my classes for me because I found out 1 month into the fall semester--but that kind of help wasn't needed since I found going to work and being ultra-focused on my students actually gave my mind a break from the overwhelming worry/fear.

    Stay away from Dr. Google, too--she's often wrong, offers old/sensational unsupported claims about bc, and usually doesn't make us feel better. If you want research that can be a bit more credible, try Mayo, MD Anderson, or National Institutes of Health, and watch the dates of research.

    Hugs.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Sorella
    Sorella Member Posts: 107
    edited October 2016

    I am one of those people who don't like to ask for help but I have had to and I think it's important that we do. As for the pity, party away. Cancer is something that warrants pity. There is plenty of time ahead where you will have to be strong!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Samanthavt7091
    Samanthavt7091 Member Posts: 32
    edited October 2016

    Your not alone we are ALL here for you. I was diagnosed on 9/13 of this year and have been through every emotion. My children are 15 and 17 and telling them was so difficult. I still don't use "I have cancer", I rather say I have a cancerous or malignant tumor in my breast. I don't plan on keeping that tumor so I will not show it ownership. Cry cry cry if you need to. And yes, I would wait until after your daughters birthday to say anyting.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • etnasgrl
    etnasgrl Member Posts: 650
    edited October 2016

    You are absolutely NOT alone! Let me tell you, these message boards and the amazing ladies here, are what got me through my diagnosis. (And of course, God!)
    I came here every day, multiple times a day and always received support, encouragement, friendship, and an incredible amount of knowledge. I actually learned more here than I did from my oncologists.

    Right now, you are at the worst part of this "journey". You know you have cancer, but you don't know much more than that. So, all you can do is wait. And waiting is horrible.
    Hang in there Mama, it's going to be okay. Stay away from Google, come here often, and take things one minute at a time, if need be.
    Remember, you are NOT alone. We are all here with you! Hug

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • LoveMyFamily
    LoveMyFamily Member Posts: 58
    edited October 2016

    I was diagnosed in mid-June and am now past the surgery and radiation... it was so scary at first -- allow yourself to feel what you feel -- I did and I accepted help (which was not easy for me either... i'm usually the helper!)... and folks brought meals and prayed and even babysat (I have small ones) and all that helped me get through. You are not alone, as you know, based on the number of responses here... we've been through it and will light a candle for you so you can steady your footsteps as you walk through it... ((sending hugs)) May you feel less fear and more empowerment soon.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Goincrzy8
    Goincrzy8 Member Posts: 387
    edited October 2016

    wow you ladies are amazing. Thanks for all words. Being a single lady I come home to an empty house, my daughter lives out of state and my son is only 20 min away, but he has a family and responsibilities. Had to tell my boss today and that was another cry fest. Closed the door to my office and kept to myself but I need to pull myself together. Have oncologist appt next Wednesday and just got the surgeon number today. Not sure what to expect but I know I have no choice but to keep moving forward, scary or not.....

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • MaggieMae123
    MaggieMae123 Member Posts: 38
    edited October 2016

    Hang in there. You will be okay. I was diagnosed last summer and spent a lot of time crying and being stressed out. I had to get something to help me relax a little from the Dr. Only ended up taking it a few times. Once you get started on your treatment it gets easier . There is light at the end of the tunnel. I had a mammogram a few weeks ago and it showed no cancer. I can't tell you how relieved I was and you will be too. Just know that you can do this.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Goincrzy8
    Goincrzy8 Member Posts: 387
    edited October 2016

    Well today was a meeting with the Oncologist. They called me first so I made their appointment. The surgeon called a few days later and I told her I already had appt with oncologist. She said keep your appointment and call us when you are done. I have been diagnosed with IDC>with hormone therapy. After a breast exam oncologist felt I would be a candidate for Lumpectomy with radiation. I have been praying for this dx. I will call surgeon tomorrow and make the appointment and see what he says.Still praying for that route. I did like the oncologist, a young lady who has been doing this for only a couple of years. I like the young with new Ideas not some man who has been doing for 30 yrs and not on track with the new way to do things. SO again one step at a time, but today after getting out of limboland I feel a heavy burden has been lifted.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Kmehler
    Kmehler Member Posts: 1
    edited October 2016

    I was just diagnosed with breast cancer today. I'm angry, confused and scared. I'm not sure how to tell family and coworkers without falling apart. Just lost...

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Mombytheriver
    Mombytheriver Member Posts: 25
    edited October 2016

    Kmehler - I am so sorry that you are going through this. The good news is that you are not alone. This group is amazing. I am pretty new here too and can say that I have passed more than a few crazy hours reading these boards. Telling people is really tough but you will find your way through that. Take care of you - sending hugs and warm thoughts our way

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Smurfette26
    Smurfette26 Member Posts: 730
    edited November 2016

    Welcome to the forums Kmehler. Sorry you have found yourself here. The beginning is so very difficult but it does get a little easier once you know what you are facing and you have a treatment plan in place. You will find amazing support here and a wealth of information. Stay away from Google. Be gentle with yourself. Hugs Donna.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited November 2016

    Kmehler-

    We're sorry you find yourself here, but this community is a wonderful source of support and encouragement. The first days and weeks are difficult, but just know that you are not alone!

    The Mods

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Goincrzy8
    Goincrzy8 Member Posts: 387
    edited November 2016

    Kmehler Sorry you are here but these ladies are the nicest warmest knowledgeable women you will ever meet. I was Diagnosed on Oct 18, I had to come to work the next day. I told my boss and my coworker, I closed the door and was able to cry when I needed to.In my job I am Office Manager, when I am off they will be told I am having a medical procedure. I dont feel they need to know my business, but that is me. Told only my best friend the day of DX and cried for a week, before I told my grown kids. Once I met with the MO I was feeling much better she had a plan, and went to surgeon, and I was dissappointed to find out I cant have a lumpectomy and now I need mastectomy. Scheduled for first part of December. Everyone is right, the unknown is scary and once things fall into place you will feel better. Hang in there and reach out to these who crossed the bridge before us.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories