STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

Maybe an fam emergency came up for that doc or something big. Either way, the manager could have gone through her pt list and generated a letter to her pts. Stuff like that really the office staff does it, not the actual doc.

I've got a doozy for you all. Check out how my apt complex has treated me.

Labour Day weekend. I'm not feeling well. Figure Mon office is closed so I'll give the check Tues am. Go to office and see a couple there looking at apt info with another guy waiting in line. This gal comes out and I give her my check and proceed to leave. Wait! We can't take your personal check. What? I'm an existing tenant (of 8.5 years). She repeated that line a total of 3 times. I was so pissed that I knew I had to leave or they'd be calling the police for disturbing the police. I took the check and said I'm a cancer pt, I don't have time for this bullshit!

It's not a simple drive to the bank. My credit union is 25 miles away! That's a 50 mi round trip to get a bloody bank note! I'm on meds that really I shouldn't be driving, and map my life around cancer stuff. WTF??! But I decide fine, I'll go and attach a note about what they just did. Couldn't find paper in the car so wrote on back of a sticky that had an old grocery list on it basically what they made me do and stuck it to the bank note. Figured I dare them to contact me again.

FF to this morning. Find a note taped to my door asking for the $50 late fee in money order or cashier check only. WTF??! You waited a week?? You could have told me when you handed my check back to me to add $50, which really I was an hour late not a day. Labour Day they're closed. No one gets in till 9 am. I went in at 10. Too bad I didn't go before 9 and just put it in the drop box! After 8.5 years not being late and being a good tenant, this is how you get treated. AND they know I have cancer!

The manager had told me over the course of the year when we ran into each other, if there's anything they can do to help, let them know. Not once, a few times. Ok. 1) Rent? no 2) bringing up a heavy bag on these dreadful stairs? no 3) Taking my personal check that's an hour late? nope. So then wtf did you have in mind? I can't think of anything else! Maintenance? Everyone gets that!

I'm so out of gas and with this... So I decided I'm not driving 50 mi total for this. I went to Safeway shopping and took $50 cash back. They will receive this in a letter to Terry the manager who made the help offer to me. I'm going to point out the ways they haven't helped me and to give them one last chance by accepting the $50 cash rather than the bank note form. If Casa Arroyo comes back with no can do then I'm in that office and it's face to face!

I commend you for not going insane on that woman! That person was on a power trip, pure and simple. I don't think it was a "by the book" thing (all due respect to Lita) but rather a chance to give you a hard time because she could. There are people that get off on that kind of behavior. They absolutely could have waived that late fee! Especially since you went out of your way to go get the bank check. I don't know what is happening to human decency anymore. I am at a loss. Hugs and hope that in the end, karma will give it back to the witch.

thanks April485 for kind words. I decided to share with my PCM my continued struggles with the office. She said she is forwarding all of my concerns to the medical director of her (very large) group. I had thought about going to the corporate office myself, but now I don't have to. I don't want to burn any bridges because this group encompasses many doctors in my area. In the meantime, still looking around....

Yup. Today Casa Arroyo has ad for not only $1845 rent but $500 off first mo rent as well (latter part good through Sun). This place is cheaper and in good location and all in this area of Fremont. If she does look into this place, there is no bending under any circumstances as you can see from my rant. So far haven't heard about the $50 cash late fee v bank order but it's still very early. They like to communicate by notices so I'm not breathing relief just yet..

Thanks April! $1845 is the cheapest rate I've seen for 630 sq ft 1 bd/1b apt. It's insane! I've been here for 8.5 years and I'm not getting much of a break for being a long time tenant. I pay $1775.

Thanks for letting me vent.

I'm not sure which pisses me off more....the fact that my cognition will forever be challenged and my physical state or the fact that my teens couldn't give a rip about "doing their part". Just lectured them on their lack of contribution. Cancer + teens just sucks.

BTW....2 girls ages 13 and15.

Jumpship and Hanley: Here's the deal HIDE NOTHING FROM YOUR PRETEENS/TEENS!!! This isn't the 1960s or 1970s anymore. THEY CAN HANDLE IT.

Why am I saying this? I AM LIVING PROOF THAT YOU CAN SURVIVE AFTER YOUR MOM DIES OF CANCER WHEN YOU'RE A TEENAGER. My mom got cancer (soft tissue sarcoma) when I was in the sixth grade...being the ONLY girl in a family of 5 kids, I WAS THE ONE who had to take care of her at the tender age of eleven/twelve. There were no shenanigans. If I didn't cook, the family didn't eat. If I didn't help w/the laundry, the family didn't have clothes to wear. I got so good at taking care of a household, that by the time my mom's cancer came back (when I was in high school), I was hired by other families to help them with housework, childcare, washing windows, etc.

My mom died from her cancer when I was seventeen years old.

Because I was already trained as a preteen to take care of the household (and grocery shop with my father), Mom's death wasn't as earth shatteringly traumatic as it could have been.

Kids today (yeah, I sound like an old fogey now, even tho I'm only in my 50s) don't give a shit anymore. Our society wrings the compassion and empathy out of everyone, especially kids. [Exhibit A: Cyber bullying; Exhibit B: Teachers can't really discipline and impart good citizenship anymore or they'll be sued by the parents.] How do you remedy that? Crack down at home, and crack down HARD! You gotta do it or they will walk all over your sick, sorry asses. And your partner/spouse HAS to be on the same page as you.

My daughter was a major C U Next Tuesday because my husband UNDERMINED EVERYTHING I did to train her to help around the house in her preteen/teen years. I withheld privileges, withheld allowances, you name it; but Daddy Dearest would buy her everything she asked for (so she didn't give a damn whether she got an allowance or not). He wouldn't enforce the "clean your room," "help with the dishes," "fold your clothes," etc. So I ended up with a surly, indifferent monster. [No, she's not a total devil-spawn child...she graduated summa cum laude from high school, was co-captain of the swim team, is an A student in college.] But if I had come down with STAGE IV cancer ten years ago (when daughter was 12), I would have left home and moved in with a caring, compassionate friend rather than deal with her whiny bullshit. She lives in the college dorms now, so when I was first Dx'd, husband took care of me and the house. With all the compression fractures in my spine, and the tumors compressing my spinal cord, I couldn't even dress myself, let alone drive myself to radiation and dr appts.

Once again, don't hide it from your kids - they're not pre-schoolers or third graders. At my last cancer support group mtg, one patient emphasized that when one family member gets Dx'd w/cancer EVERYONE in the household has to deal with it. You have to explain to them the REALITY that you may not be here in five years. My own mother died within five years. Thank God I wasn't spared the truth and was able to carry on after she was gone (of course, I mourned, and I miss her every day...she didn't get to see me graduate from high school or college; she wasn't at my wedding; she didn't get to cuddle her granddaughter, etc., and NOW I'm going to start crying because my daughter is probably going to have to go thru the same deal, but at least she'll be older than I was).

Sit the kids down, make a list of what you expect regarding chores, etc., and also list consequences. It's THEIR home, THEIR clothes, THEIR meals. Most importantly, make sure both parents stick to it and ENFORCE those consequences! I'm still pissed at DH for not backing me up all those years ago.

If worse comes to worse, go on STRIKE, like I did when daughter was in high school. You just tell 'em, "Okay, you asked for it. You're on your own now." I just washed my own clothes, made food just for me, and let the toilet get a big nasty, fuzzy ring in it, and said, "To hell with it." Eventually, daughter got tired of eating frozen pizza, PB&J sandwiches, or a bowl of cold cereal for dinner (she became constipated, ha ha), wearing dirty clothes to school, and sleeping in stinky sheets. As mothers, WE HAVE TO RAISE/TRAIN THEM TO TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES. I tried to instill this in my husband. "You're not doing her any favors by letting her just slide by. She won't be able to take care of her own apartment when she's an adult," I'd yell at him.

Good luck to you, ladies. Sorry for my big harangue here.

Lita

Lita 57 & XXYzed....great posts. Thank you. My son is seven has has to grow up fast. I just tell myself he's already two years older than my cousin was when she lost her mom at 5. It sucks but it's our reality. Deal with it or ....there really is no or.

Yeah, Beagle, it's hella expensive. And it's gonna be worse for me because with Stage IV and all my mets, I've been forced into an early retirement. I've filed for Social Security disability, but it doesn't even amount to HALF of what I used to take home.

Sadly, no more vacations, or going out to dinner once a week, or new cars for us.

Cancer sucks!

Lita

Yeah, seachain, it totally sucks. Do you have problems with neuropathy from the Tx? I know they can linger for quite a while.

Lita

Lita57, yes, among others. Also chemo caused fibromyalgia, AIs caused fast advancing osteoarthritis with cervical stenosis of the spinal cord and nerves, I have generalized costochondritis, post-mastectomy pain syndrome, the lower half of my back is scar tissue from the LD reconstruction, and a few more things.

And I wouldn't wish this shit on anyone so I hope they don't get it.

I'm angry and a little sad...

3 years ago this week marks the first time I felt the lump in my breast and then went in for my diagnostic mammogram. I was told right then and there by the radiologist that he believed I had cancer. My life has never been the same and I am now understanding that it never will be.

I'm still angry that I wasn't given enough information about reconstruction and the risk of infection, I'm angry that I went thru an already terrible mastectomy then to have further complications of Pseudomonas. I was in hell for months, had a terrible PS and just a terrible time. I'm still picking up the pieces and while I'm doing better it is still a struggle.

I miss my breasts...I miss my sex life. I'm 41 and feel ancient.

There it is...thank you for letting me vent.