scared to tell my kids

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showmama
showmama Member Posts: 8
edited September 2016 in Just Diagnosed

Last Thursday I was diagnosed with a high grade ductal carcinoma. I meet with a surgeon tommorow to come up with a plan and then need to break the news to my two beautiful daughters. One is a high school sophomore and one is a senior. I am struggling understanding all this my self. I know they will gain strength from my strength. I want to be able to tell then without being a blubbering mess. I am praying God will give me the words. Any suggestions? We live in a small community so by this time tommorow everyone and their dog will know. I am supposed to be attending volleyball games and going on college visits, not THIS!

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited September 2016

    Hi showmama, and welcome to Breastcancer.org,

    We know it's a really tough time for you, and we're so sorry you're dealing with this emotional effect of diagnosis. But, know that you're not alone here, and many of our members have gotten through this hurdle with their own children -- we're sure some will be weighing in soon!

    In the meantime, you may want to check out the main Breastcancer.org site's page on Talking to Older Children and Teens about your diagnosis.

    We hope this helps! Please continue to check in for answers, ask lots of questions, and look here for support. We're all here for you!

    --The Mods

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  • joyandpiece
    joyandpiece Member Posts: 72
    edited September 2016

    I'm so sorry you're here showmama, but glad you found this place. Take a deep breath. My daughters are about the same age as yours. A sophomore and a college freshman. We found out the news less than a week after taking the oldest to college. When I mentioned the bad timing, my husband stated that there is no convenient time for this to happen. I am taking it one day at a time and being honest with the kids - and really trying to enjoy all of the teenage activities. Hugs to you

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  • Leydi
    Leydi Member Posts: 146
    edited September 2016

    My daughters are roughly the same age as yours. I suggest telling them sooner rather than later because they will sense that something is wrong and likely worry more than if you are open with them. Be honest but don't go to into more detail than they ask for - I started by simply telling my daughters that my doctor had found breast cancer cells and that I would be having lots of medical appointments to run more tests and find out as much as we could to plan my treatment.

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  • Lvbugs
    Lvbugs Member Posts: 64
    edited September 2016

    That was very difficult to tell my kids. Same age as yours. I told them after I knew what surgery was planned. I felt better after having a plan. I told them that I had a lump that was going to be removed and then it would be gone. I tried to stay very positive and then planned a quick trip to Disneyland before surgery. When I found out I had to do chemo, I told them that it was just a precaution

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  • NoWhyToIt
    NoWhyToIt Member Posts: 87
    edited September 2016

    My suggestion is to wait until all your testing is over and you know what you are dealing with in terms of staging and treatment. That can guide how you tell your kids. The more info you have the more you can gauge what is appropriate. They will take your cue. If I could change one thing it would be to tell more people and let my child benefit from the kindness of others. So let the town know when the time is right and accept the lasagnas and let your kids get the sympathy they deserve for some tough times ahead but you can all come out the other side of this. Many of us have and are really okay within a year of treatment.

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