Entering and Exiting at the Stage IV Forum
Comments
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Stephanie, you ask great questions, and having known each other for years, the best suggestion is to be yourself. Your posts on other forums have been continually helpful, informative, and full of support. And that is true on this forum as well.
I have no words of wisdom to share with you. In fact, it is I who have learned - and continually learn - from you.
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This is a very interesting thread. I thought all metsters were considered stage IV. I know that when my biopsy confirmed my spread, I was told that I was now Stage IV which is incurable. I was also told that metastatic breast cancer is now treated like a chronic condition, and women are living with it for many years. I hope that will be the case for me. I am semi-disabled as I assume we all are. I can only walk very short distances without getting winded, because of the radiation damage to my lungs. I also have neuropathy in both my hands and feet, and often use a cane or walker, simply to have something to hang on to, to keep me from stepping wrong. I also have chronic fatigue pretty much all the time. Additionally, I do have pain that comes and goes where the lymph nodes are, and every now and then I will get very painful spasms in my lung. Is this about normal for stage IV? Better, or worse? I will add that with all I've been through, I've only spent a single night in the hospital, and that was the day I had my mastectomy. I feel very fortunate about that.
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Chrissy is a huge help to those members that have questions! She always replies to them right away and is kind and encouraging! Thanks Chrissy!
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Welcome longterrmsurvivor.
I come back on bco less often since so many I grew to be proud to call friends - kind, inspirational, compassionate, knowledgeable friends - are gone. Scanxiety is somehow easier to deal with when on bco, so you will see me every 3 to 6 months.
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TNCatMom, I think Suersis means bone mets only vs other mets, I'm not certain though. Any distant mets bone, lung, liver, brain, etc. is stage IV. I think quality of life varies greatly, some women are running marathons others definitely not. Maybe you are in the middle somewhere. I hope this helps.
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Dear exbmxgrl,
Yeah, it's hard not to compare and envy others for what seems their better fortune. I have compassion, because it's a sign of suffering. When it tips into meanness, blame and acting out, I usually just walk away too. Have to remind myself that I don't want to live in the toxic stew too. And that my living well is best course - no regrets at my end-of-life.
It took me many years not to be envious of people with "normal" lives - expectations, kids, careers, material resources, physical prowess/stability, etc. Then I realized, why be normal when I can be myself? Or, as Oscar Wilde said, "be yourself, everyone else is already taken."
The Buddhist practice of sympathetic joy, rejoicing in the good fortune of others, has helped me release envy better than shoulding on myself ever did.
Also, grief practices for what I've lost because of lifelong illness have been extremely useful. Francis Weller's grief rituals changed my life. His book is The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief.
I'm grateful for all here and appreciate that this seems to be a safe and happy place for most.
warmest healing wishes, Stephanie
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My understanding on the stage iv and metastatic difference is this, and I may be wrong so please,correct me if so. Yes, they both mean that breast cancer has traveled to a different part of the body from the breast. It does not refer only to those with bone metastasis.
Here's where they differ (I think). A stage iv diagnosis is given to those women who are diagnosed from the beginning with breast cancer that has traveled to another part or parts of the body. I am one of these women, diagnosed from the start as stage iv.
A woman diagnosed with a lesser stage bc whose cancer then at some point progressed and invades another part of the body is said to have breast cancer metastasis. Their cancer is said to have metastasized. I think thewoman retains the original stage diagnosis with the addition of metastatic attached to it.
I may be completely wrong, but there was discussion about this before and this is how I remember it explained. A slight difference and yet the same. I, too, had always considered them one and the same and really, to my mind's eye, they are.
As for quality of life, as MusicLover says, it seems to vary greatly from woman to woman (and the occasional man.).
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Longterm, I will check out that author, I hadn't heard of him before. Sounds intriguing
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TNcatmom,
I don't think there is one "normal" for stage IV. Although clearly a minority, I am not disabled at all. I get very stiff when I am still and have lost the springiness in my knees, but that's from Femara. Once I move around I am fine. So as musiclover says, the quality of our lives varies greatly. I teach elementary school, so am very active. I've hiked on a glacier and climbed the Sydney Harbour Bridge, all while stage IV. But, I spent more time in the hospital, initially. We are definitely all over the map"
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Mrs. M., Thank you for that explanation...that is probably what was meant and I didn't realize it until you stated it here. Ultimately, once we have distant mets we are all stage IV but of course, some were diagnosed at a lower stage and then the cancer metastasized. I think in the latter case, some people update their profiles to say stage IV and others leave original dx but also state mets.
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Bon, I like your take on not assuming people have dropped off because they have passed. I too think many of them just decide to forget about cancer for awhile, or spend their time on other pursuits. Divine, I love how you "blab" out whats on your mind. You are always caring, informative, respectful and often quite amusing! TNCat, let's go with 10.....mirry, you have probably paid into the system for a long time, you have been dealing with this for a long time. You deserve to take the time now to nurture yourself. Karma only gets you when you do something with dishonesty or disregard. Noni, Fitztwins has been an inspiration to me also, not just because of the longevity but her sunny disposition and outlook (and that adorable smiling picture!) Caryn, I always appreciate your sensible even keeled posts, the voice of reason and honesty.
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So, I have a question about editing posts at bco - why do members feel a need to write disclaimers when editing a post?
Is there some history of conflict or hurt feelings or retracted words that makes members uncomfortable with later clarifying their posts?
I edit many posts for punctuation, grammar, spelling, clarity, wrong or missing words or to add important information and links that belong with my original post, not trundled into a follow-up post that will further confuse readers.
The archives are living documents, not legally sworn statements that can't be changed.
Unless, I'm missing some important facts of bco history?
Thanks for filling in the blanks for me.
best, Stephanie
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LongTerm, Your treatment history and experience are so unique- has your cancer been sequenced, to understand why you have responded so well to therapy?! Also, have you tried immunotherapy or, even better, trials that combine immunotherapy with other treatments (targeted drugs or chemo). For some time, I've wanted to mention to you that anti-CD47 looks especially promising as a new type of immuno- this antibody targets a cell surface marker that is high on all cancer cells, and is protecting the cells from being killed. The antibody makes the cancer cells more easily killed by treatment, and then in combination with an immunotherapy that boosts the immune system, looks super-effective in pre-clinical trials. It is in phase I trials now, heading for phase II. Whatever, the immuno can be a game-changer, and with fewer SEs...
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Hello Cure-ious,
Thank you for your kindly meant suggestions.
I'm quite satisfied with my healing journey thus far and would consider any additional medical interventions torturious, not helpful at this point in my life.
Cure-ious, I wish you well on your healing journey and am glad you're investigating options that you may later choose.
Healing regards for all, Stephanie
PS, my question about editing messages still stands!
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That's what I thought you'd say! My Mo died last year of pancreatic cancer, after refusing all treatments, I guess he'd been down that road way too many times, and clearly knew how to live his life his best way.
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Stephanie, I often edit my posts for typos as well. Every time I post from my phone, something skews the post to remove the period or delete a space, unless I "use plain text editor". I don't ever disclaim. Maybe people do that in case people have already read the first post so they aren't confused when it changes? I don't know. I do understand why people might disclaim if they delete a post - so people know it was not a previously inflammatory response or something like that.
On a side note, I want to thank you for the peace and comfort you add to this forum. Your words have the effect of soothing people. I also admire that you are at peace with your circumstances/diagnosis/prognosis. I am not there and don't feel like trying to get there yet. I have a fear of "giving up" if I come to peace with my circumstances. I am sure there will come a point when I am ready but it is not today!
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Stephanie, I edit my posts sometimes because I read them over and discover that they don't make sense. I have a touch of chemo brain, and when I'm in a hurry, I just type and post.
Then, oops, that sentence simply doesn't make sense and I'm going to confuse someone. Oh, edit button!
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Edit, yes!
Spelling, grammar, sowing seeds of confusion...all good reasons to edit posts.
warmest healing wishes, Pam, Stephanie
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