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Scared462016
Scared462016 Member Posts: 44
edited October 2018 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

hi. Looking for a little advice. I'm 7 days post bmx. One day I'm good the next day I'm bad. ....pain, feeling overwhelmed etc.... pathology report said dr got it all but I read how dcis comes back anyway aggressively. So I worry about that. Some days my pain is horrible and that leads to a lot of crying. I'm very emotional and feel I have no control over my life. I'm a control freak. I quit smoking over 4 months ago but after bmx I crave cigarettes all the time. I'm out of control and I hate it. .....hate it all. For 16 years I've been an lvn at snf's. Is stressful physically and emotionally. I love my pts and on a good note they heal and live a decent life. On a bad note they die. I've seen so many of my loving pts die and I think my heart can't handle much more. Right now I don't even know if I will have the strength after all this to do it anyway. I think I need to find another kind of lvn work.......maybe in a different state. I live in California now but feel I need to just slow it all down. Ughhhh I know I'm rambling and whining. There are others with so much bigger problems. Thanks for listening. Praying for you all

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  • YATCOMW
    YATCOMW Member Posts: 664
    edited September 2016

    Cancer is scary.....no doubt about it.....my advice is try not to look too far ahead or make any drastic changes. Things will calm down with more time on your side. It simply is a tough time right now and everyone goes through the same thing where you are right now....that feeling of no control over your life....and that spiraling down to a dark place.

    Feel good that you caught your cancer early......you have a great prognosis. In comparison I had an 8cm tumor with 17 nodes involved....and yet here I am 12 1/2 years later..... If I can do well.......you can do very well.

    Try to plan some nice things for yourself over the next couple of weeks.....take up a hobby that you always wanted to get into.....make short term plans. After awhile you will get back to your old self....really.

    Peace,


    Jacqueline

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  • Scared462016
    Scared462016 Member Posts: 44
    edited September 2016

    thank you for your response. 12 1/2 years Is great. Hoping your prognosis is better now. I know I'm feeling sorry for myself. I did two lumpectomies with no success but never thinking it would get this far. Only to have a second spot found after mastectomy which they didn't see before. I just don't know who's breasts (or lack of) these are. These are not mine. They ache and I feel like someone is constantly sitting on my chest that causing more ache. In just incredibly sad. Good days and bad days but lately more bad. Like I said I'm feeling sorry for myself. ....hoping tomorrow is a good day.

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  • YATCOMW
    YATCOMW Member Posts: 664
    edited September 2016

    It took me awhile to get to a good place.....it is all kind of surreal in the beginning.... you hope you are going to wake up from a bad dream..right?

    Eventually and I mean eventually.....you will get to a "new normal" and things will fall back in place. It's okay not to be happy about this. I had 3 young children at the time.....and for them I had to get my act together so that they were not fearful. They forced me to move on probably faster than I could have done on my own. Don't beat yourself up if it takes you awhile to get past all of this.

    If I can help in any way......just let me know.

    Jacqueline

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