What do you do that makes you feel almost "normal" again?
I wanted to start this topic because I'm trying to find a new "normal" (that is, if one can actually be found) for me.
The only time I almost feel like my old self is when I drive around in my Saturn Astra. For just a few minutes, I don't think about my St IV cancer. It's just me, Astra and the road ahead.
Xeloda chemo hasn't robbed me of all my hair yet, so when I get a haircut or a wash/blowout, I feel almost normal, too. I chopped all my hair off to make it easier when it all does fall out, and plus, w/all the pain in my back, it was getting too hard to deal w/shoulder length hair anymore. My last haircut in May below.
Take good care of yourselves.
Comments
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Wow, Lita, that's almost the same haircut I got after my diagnosis. My "wave" of hair is to the bottom of my earlobe (left side, usually), but otherwise, same deal. I love how easy it is to maintain. Just get it cut every 5 weeks. I totally stopped using hair dye too, and that's another thing I'm so happy to have given up. Many things changed after cancer. Mostly it has been an opportunity to sweep away things I didn't need or want anymore.
I don't know if there's anything I do right now to feel normal. After almost two years, it feels normal for me to be a person who is living with an incurable illness. Joining the "New Normal" cult. That's me!
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Has anyone have one issue after another? My first fill was horrible, my RN couldn't find the opening on the expander. Then my right breast becomes infected for some reason. I ended up in the emergency room last Saturday. I got antibiotics through an IV and sent home with a 2 more prescriptions. I'm suppose to get another fill this past Wednesday. Which of course could not happen due to my right breast "splitting" and my expander is trying to escape. Now the saline that was put in on the right side is gone. Leaked out and now I have to have another operation. I'm starting to feel trap in my body. Thanks for listening - I really needed to vent
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Wow, marvelator, That sounds very upsetting and painful! I'm sorry you're having that experience.
I haven't had surgery at all, but there is a forum dedicated to reconstruction and I'm certain there are other members here who have had some similar experiences and can give you advice and/or reassurance about how it all turned out. I hope things get better for you soon.
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One thing I did this summer to feel more normal is go to several music concerts. I just let loose and danced my butt off! Also Lita, there is something so comforting about driving. I get in mine too and just crank up the music and cruise around. Very cute haircut!
ninetwelve, I find myself going nuts on clearing out the stuff. it almost feels like I am clearing junk out of my head at the same time....
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Horseback riding. As far as I'm concerned, it's the cure for everything. Plus, I've been riding since I was a kid.
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NineTwelve - I stopped dying my hair, too. I was actually going to do that when I turned 60, but it happened a few years earlier because of my Dx. Just think of the money we're saving
. Before I started chemo, I cleaned off my desk, and went thru files and the cabinets of our kitchen/desk wall unit. It was great to throw a bunch of old stuff out. When my back gets better, it's on to the closets!
Artistathea - I love to go to concerts, too. I had to miss an opera version of "A Street Car Named Desire" in San Jose because I was just Dx'd and was in so much pain that there was no way I could sit in the opera house for 3 hours. I love the summer concerts in the park, too.
Rory - I'd love to go horseback riding again. They closed the stables where I used to take lessons a few years ago
( and built a new housing tract.
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Went grocery shopping by myself for the first time in four months. Had the clerk bag them light since I'd be schlepping all the bags into the house by myself (DH was helping DD move back into her dorm for the fall term after summer break - so I was on my own until he got back). I also made a dutch oven chicken dish with lots of vegetables on the bottom and chicken thighs resting on top and lots of pepper, herbs and garlic. I actually felt pretty decent except for the ever-present back pain
. Putting the heavy cast iron-ceramic pot in the oven was quite a challenge. Don't tell my dr because with my five spinal compression fractures, I'm not supposed to lift anything over 5 lbs.
The diarrhea and stabbing abdominal cramps subsided, so I was actually able to eat what I made, and I had two servings to make up for all the bland stuff I had to force myself to eat last week. Gotta enjoy this for next couple of days b/c I start another chemo cycle on Monday.
Makin' the best of it.
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Today was my husband's 59th B'day. I haven't been eating hardly any sweets since my diagnosis (sugar/carbs feed the cancer), but today I said to hell with it. I'm having a piece of his rich, chocolate birthday cake.
It was delicious, and for a moment I almost felt normal.
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I keep myself feeling normal by making music. If I'm lucky, I get to do it in public to entertain others on occasion (before bc, and when I wasn't yet a senior, I performed just about every week and sometimes oftener). And I try to travel as much as my & my husband's health, schedules and budget can stand; and I also attend concerts--Pearl Jam tomorrow, Springsteen next week. Yeah, I'm 65 (I'm not supposed to like a Gen X band)?
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Lita, you chose a nice hair style, looks good on you. Well i am back on the treadmill and swimming. I am losing weight for a high school class reunion. Feel pretty normal even with all the surgery and hormone therapy.
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I just finished my proton therapy and I get my port out next week. It has been a long 14 months since I discovered I had cancer to now. What is my new normal? I feel lost. During chemo I had long talks with my dad, but he lost his battle on December 30th. I will complete my MBA at the end of September. What then? My life has been treatment, work, and school. Soon it will be only work. I don't know anything else after being a student since 2009. Everyone says find a "hobby." I still feel lost almost like I'm just drifting. Part of me says I still have not fully moved on with the passing of my father. My husband and I never had children and now I'm post menopausal (I will be 44 August 30th). I waited too long - screwed that one up.
How long until this feeling goes away?
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It's going to take as long as it takes. We're all different...and so are our emotional/spiritual time tables. You are probably still mourning your dad. That can take a long time, especially if you were close. There will better days and worse days, but you WILL get thru it! Look at yourself...you WORKED, STUDIED and went thru TREATMENT simultaneously. You are a very STRONG, capable woman.
A lot of women find that the bottom drops out for them after Tx, and they are just free-floating and bewildered. Just keep reaching out to your friends on this board. We are here for you!
Warm (((hugs)))
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Personally I don't buy into the sugar feeds cancer. I'm also a MOD. Mother of diabetic. All carbs good or bad turn into sugar. Type 1 diabetics have to have fast acting sugar with them at all times. So I eat what I want. I havnt seen a epidemic of type 1's with cancer
This summer is the first time I felt normal or last fall.. I took a painting class...totally immersed myself in class. signing back up for anotherone. then I went on a 3 seater ski boat thing. we went from the bay to the ocean and around..I laughed and screamed. and last week was on walk with adult kids and there was playground. there was this one play thing that 2 people sit opposite like a seesaw . it was so fun
but since i did all the activity last week waiting on my scan results my body is like damn girl.
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Hi Lita,
My new normal is almost three and a half years long. I've continued to run my business, wedding and destination wedding planning, which has been a great distraction as I've had wanderlust in my soul since my first plane ride. So during these years, I've not told my clients or potential clients about my health. Even during chemo, I saved my hair thanks to Cold Caps, I pushed on, had a great support team to rely on and finish the job I started.
I've had two recurrences, thankfully still bone only, so have decided to end my career by selling my business, putting in a pool and officially retire on September 18th the day after my last wedding. My last destination wedding is over Labor Day and it seems that when I travel, I take a break from cancer. My aches and pains are masked by all the festivities and all the guests who rely on me for direction. It seems I hardly notice I've got cancer when I'm traveling.
So I guess what I'm saying is as long as I keep on moving, I do pretty darn well. I'm lucky too because four of my six children live in the area and these children have six children so we are Nana and Zady to these incredible little beings under the age of seven. Talk about a distraction!!! Love love love having them close.
My DH and I found a secluded lake-side rental cabin on 12 acres of pine forest in northern Minnesota which accepts dogs so our four-year old Golden Doodle joins us two or three weeks a year on vacation. This is a welcome respite from the noise of the metropolitan area, which we look forward to as often as we can break away.
I've been pretty lucky in that the SE of AL's have not been debilitating but I do have a new and completely unrelated dx, arthritis in my left hip which is going to require a complete replacement, but that's another story.
My QOL has been great throughout these past years so I haven't really had to adopt new changes. I go to church, I pray, I ask forgiveness and I try to engage with strangers just to grow my world. I took on being the Block Captain since I will be retired and I'd like to know who my neighbors are, especially for my husbands sake when one day I will not be around. I hope they will help prop him up.
Good luck to you throughout your chemo. It isn't pleasant but it doesn't have to be awful. Where are you right now with treatment? What's working for you?
Hugs
Amy
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Amy - I am on cycle #5 of Xeloda. Received update that cancer is now in my liver and pancreas (as well as bones, adrenals, kidney, bladder and muscles). SEs are still H&F syndrome, diarrhea, and fatigue, but it's manageable with lots of hand cream, Imodium, and Medical Cannabis. Went to see remake of Ben-Hur w/DH on Wed. (Don't bother seeing it...they totally changed the story, and Lew Wallace who wrote the novel must be spinning in his grave!).
Trying to stay positive,
L
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For me going to the beach wearing my bathing suit and swimming in the ocean. I was not at all self conscious I actually looked and felt good.
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Lita,
I'm terribly sorry you've had cancer spread to soft tissues. That is my greatest fear. You seem to be handling it very well. I'm a believer in prayer so will add you to my nightly list.
Hang in there dear lady. You'll get through these treatments and I hope they'll get you to dancing with NED.
Amy
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Amy - I just try to take it day by day. Can't plan too far into the future, but DH and I, along with Bulldog Sofia, want to reschedule our annual Carmel/Monterrey trip, which we had to cancel in April 'cuz I was just Dx'd. They have lots of dog-friendly hotels/motels there.
Lita
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Thank you Lita57
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Yesterday, a very dear friend and I drove to Half Moon Bay for the day. We went to the Ritz Carlton and just sat in Adirondack chairs and gazed at the ocean, talking about her crazy mom's new adventures. We had an early dinner in their lovely restaurant and then drove home. Mr. Cancer was with us, but he didn't dominate the conversation and bring us down.
Seize the day, my friends. Life is so short, and way shorter for us.
Lita
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I knew I had hit my new normal when I showed up to volunteer to work with an organization that provides help for the homeless, and underprivileged children, and nobody even cared that I'm flat-chested with a 2"chemo do. They just wanted to know if I needed help learning how to make no-sew blankets. I did not, so I got right to work and all was well.
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I am glad I found this thread. I can relate to what so many of you are saying. I finished treatment almost a year ago had a hip replacement afterwards and I'm now beginning to feel a little bit better physically. Emotionally I feel very lost kind of free-floating trying to find my life and my new normal.
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I think the "new normal" is an ongoing learning process. The other day I couldn't get off my kitchen floor after going through my cabinets. Such a simple move, but I couldn't do it! Now I need to find a way to get my mush muscles back. No energy (I work 10 hour days M-F), and joint pain from my hormone blockers.
My husband got me a dog after finding out I will never get to be a mom. I screwed up and waited too long and the cancer erased that option. He's a sweet fella. We named him Colt.
Don't wait for someday. Live now. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone and life trows curve balls when you don't expect them.
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Amie, you have wise words. I can attest to the truth of your advice. My DH and I learned from the example of his grandfather. Papa come to the US as a 17yo Greek boy with no family, no money, and no English. He found employment at a Greek diner as a dishwasher. He couldn't afford a place to live, so he slept in the restaurant kitchen. Eventually, Papa bought the diner, got married, bought houses, and raised a family. But the over-arching drive in his life was work. Work, work, all the time work. Never took a vacation. At age 65 he decided he would retire and START LIVING. Except that he had kidney disease. He up and died 5 months later, never having done ANY of the things he had promised his young wife they would do. So at age 45, she was a widow with two small children that hardly knew their father.
We knew early on that we did not want to be Papa. And thank goodness we made that decision--DH became disabled at age 47 through no fault of his own. His health is stable at the moment, but precarious. We never know when his time may be up. At first, it was devastating, but eventually we found our new normal. We bought a small camper and traveled around the US. We got a little curly dog that we adore. We found a way to make things work.
I hope that you will also find your new normal. It won't be your old normal. Life does throw us curveballs and we have to do the best we can with that. Be kind to yourself. You didn't screw up. You didn't. Cancer is a vicious beast and it takes many precious things from each of us. It's not YOU who messed up. It's bloody CANCER.
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