How do I not obsess?

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etnasgrl
etnasgrl Member Posts: 650
edited November 2016 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I am six months out of active treatment. I just had my first follow up mammogram and ultrasound, everything came back 100% normal.
I am beyond grateful for the normal results, yet I can't stop obsessing that my cancer will come back one day, with a vengeance.
My mother was diagnosed at 42 with breast cancer and passed away from metastatic breast cancer at 56.
I was 41 when diagnosed and can't help but wonder if my fate will be the same as hers. (I did have genetic testing done, it all came back negative.)

It is such an overwhelming fear, I wish that I knew how to overcome it. I've tried praying, I've tried positive thinking, I've tried talking about.....nothing seems to help. Metastatic breast cancer scares me to the core and I don't know how to stop dwelling on it.
I don't know what the future will hold, but right now, I am healthy and NED.....I want to enjoy my life. I don't want this fear to hold me back and keep me hostage.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this? Anything that helped you?

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  • KathyL624
    KathyL624 Member Posts: 217
    edited August 2016

    I am 39 and feeling very similar, except that I have no family history. Was your mom's situation similar to yours? Was her cancer found early? Was she treated the same? I am sure there have been a lot of improvements in treatments since then.

    I finally gave in and asked my MO for antidepressants.

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  • ElaineTherese
    ElaineTherese Member Posts: 3,328
    edited August 2016

    Hi etnasgrl!

    I'm sorry to hear you're so anxious. You were diagnosed at Stage 1A; you do know that your prognosis is very good, right?

    My full-time job and my kids (twins with autism!) keep me very busy and I literally have no time or energy to worry about cancer returning. Are you working? Have a hobby? What do you enjoy doing? I guess I would encourage you to keep busy. If you're busy planting a garden or swimming or finishing a scrapbook, you'll have less time to worry about cancer.

    Best wishes!


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  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 3,761
    edited August 2016

    I think the fear factor is normal but it does lessen over time. I'm the poster person for worry warranted or not so I can sure relate to your anxiety.

    Keep busy, pray and take care of yourself. Exercise, accept support from family and friends and go about your business as best you can.

    I am 5 years out next Monday. I'm well aware it can come back but I refuse to let it control me anymore. I know I'll always be looking over my shoulder because I have been branded with the C word but it doesn't have to be inside your head non/stop. Besides we can't control what happens anyway. It's in God's hands.

    Diane

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  • tangandchris
    tangandchris Member Posts: 1,855
    edited August 2016

    It's still pretty early after your dx and treatment.....so I think what you are feeling/thinking/worrying about is very typical if not normal. I have struggled greatly with this and I don't even have the same situation as you with my mother. That can only make the fear worse so I can empathize!

    Praying and keeping busy help for sure, if you have a hobby maybe dive into that? I know it sounds so trite, but time really does make it easier. I'd say pharmaceuticals can be helpful also if it is just too much.


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  • etnasgrl
    etnasgrl Member Posts: 650
    edited August 2016

    Thank you for all the responses!

    I'm not working right now, (although actively looking), so I think that has a lot to do with it. I have time on my hands to think and dwell. NOT GOOD!
    I'm glad to hear though that this is pretty "normal" and not just me going insane. (Although that can b a real possibility too, LOL!)

    So, thanks guys! You've helped me feel a little better! Happy

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  • Suzanne50
    Suzanne50 Member Posts: 280
    edited August 2016

    I think it is very common and normal to obsess. When I hit my one year cancer free anniversary I was quite obsessed and preoccupied with the fear of it coming back. One thing I did was take a break from this site - as much as the support is wonderful, it kept my mind on cancer which I needed it to change the channel. I find keeping busy very helpful - doing things that make you feel good and healthy - like exercise, has helped me tremendously. So I was able to change the channel - it may take a bit but try to focus on the things that make you happy.

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  • debiann
    debiann Member Posts: 1,200
    edited August 2016

    First know that what you are experiencing is normal. You went through something traumatic plus you have the added worry because of your mother's outcome. It will improve with time and effort to get past the dark thoughts.

    One statement that helped me when the dark thoughts crept in was to tell myself that cancer has already taken enough from me, I can't let the worry of future cancer steal my happiness today.

    Think of it like this. You've been hit by a bus. It knocked you down, but you've recovered. Now do you sit in one place waiting and hoping the bus doesn't come back and hit you again or do you move on and worry about the bus only if it returns?

    It's little chats like this that I have with myself that have helped me to move on. I think the most important thing for you to know right now that despite being given a great prognosis, it is normal for you to feel this way. I think our doctors and families want us to put the trauma behind us faster than we can. It's a process, it takes time.

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  • Lou10
    Lou10 Member Posts: 332
    edited August 2016

    Completely agree that it's normal and a process, and early days for you, especially after losing your mother to this disease.

    Your desire to enjoy life seems to be starting to take up more space in your thoughts. That's a great sign.

    Not working does make it harder ... makes a lot of things harder. Good luck with the job search!

    Something I found helpful when experiencing prolonged grief was to set aside times to allow myself to fully feel the emotions. It didn't stop me from having upsetting thoughts at other times but they were less intense outside my "grieving times." It enabled me to continue to process my grief AND gradually start living life again. The same sort of process may help in dealing with overwhelming fears.

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  • Bonniebleu
    Bonniebleu Member Posts: 71
    edited August 2016

    Hi,

    My Mom was also dx with breast cancer (I believe stage 4), had MX, and passed away when it metastasized to her bones. I took care of her 24/7, she actually lived with us those last few years.

    So I understand that HUGE fear. I think it has made me even more fearful of recurrence since I was with her on a daily basis.

    I can't add any help other than to say I understand.

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  • Rory
    Rory Member Posts: 11
    edited August 2016

    Oh, God, ElaineTherese, I have a kid (he'll be 15 in November) with autism. His functioning level is such that he has no idea what cancer is, that it can be very serious, etc. All he knows is my hair fell out, my boobs changed, and now one is "hurt" (radiation burns +MSSA infection). The boy has ALL of my attention. I have yet to cry for myself. I have yet to worry for myself. I was starting to worry my reaction (or lack of) was abnormal until I realized, "Oh, yeah... All of my worry and tears and fear were rerouted years ago." It all goes to him.

    Was I angry at the diagnosis? Sure. Initially, because as any special needs Mom knows, you have to live forever.

    My biggest worry in the last 24 hours was not the MSSA diagnosis, but my son's beloved dog getting sick (he's better now, $600 later). I think I fretted more over that dog, and how my son would respond if the dog died, than I worried before starting chemo, definitely before starting surgery (all three of them), and before starting radiation.




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  • kittysister
    kittysister Member Posts: 212
    edited September 2016

    I also took a break from this site for a while. I was thinking it was maybe contributing to my obsession. But now, I don't really think that was it .. I've always been a worrier! Still working on it, though.

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  • cookiegal
    cookiegal Member Posts: 3,296
    edited September 2016

    Meditation helped when I had a scare of a lymph node recurrence a few years ago.

    That being said, I also think about the days between my mammogram and my biopsy results 7 years ago.

    One regret I have is that I didn't make the most of the last days not being an official cancer patient.

    So I guess I am saying that if you get bad news someday you will look back and be annoyed you didn't enjoy your healthier time to the fullest. You will never say, I should have worried more!

    Anti anxiety meds work great too.



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  • BlueKoala
    BlueKoala Member Posts: 190
    edited November 2016

    I'm a little late in replying, but I can relate to how you feel.

    My dad died of cancer when he was 35, so I have for most of my life assumed that I would either be dead before 36, die of cancer, or just die young before my kids grow up.

    Well, anxiety levels went through the roof when I was diagnosed at 35 with cancer. I was pretty convinced initially that my time was up. I have now made it to 36, and am starting to believe the possibility that I might live to be an old woman, but at the same time am trying to live my best life so that it doesn't matter if I don't.

    I'll be making another appointment for some sessions with a psychologist again after all my treatment is done to help me from freezing up in fear about my health, and my family's health.

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  • Crystalp
    Crystalp Member Posts: 5
    edited November 2016

    hello etnasgrl, I am so happy your most recent test results showed everything was on the great side for you- first I need to admit this site is new to me so please be patient and excuse me if I state anything incorrectly. I am 51 with my reconstructive mastectomy surgery having been in mid sept of this year- I am still healing and I mean more than just physically. It was just this morning when I asked my husband how do I not worry with each symptom that the cancer is somewhere else in my body and maybe I need to see if there is a full body scan that can fully check my whole body to let me know if cancer is hiding anywhere. But in all reality I don't believe that would relieve my worries either. I know with my faith and prayer, and leading Doctor my support team is the best I can ask for, so I unfortunately do not have a simple answer for you but you have found HERE! To me that's a great find

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