Today:I was told I have Invasive ductal carcinoma

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Miles
Miles Member Posts: 62
edited September 2016 in Just Diagnosed

Is it normal to cry about it? I don't want to be a drama queen. I just wonder if there is something wrong with me because I am sad. I try to hold back my tears but the tears just come and fall down my cheeks. I want to be happy and tough but I'm not.

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  • Jenwith4kids
    Jenwith4kids Member Posts: 635
    edited August 2016

    Miles - cry all you want. Really - it's totally ok. and normal. and appropriate. really.

    you'll get a plan in place - you'll start to get some answer to some of the unknowns. You'll show up for appointments, you'll do what they tell you to do. and eventually, you'll stop crying.

    it might take a long time - but windshields are much larger than rear view mirrors for a very good reason - look ahead, not behind.

    and cry. it's okay.

    big hugs!

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited August 2016

    Hello Miles, yes it is normal to cry, feel sad, scream, stomp, whatever you want, you go right ahead!

    Glad you found these boards as you will find much support and information. We have all been where you are and you will get through this. The beginning is the very worse time as everything is unknown. It will get better as you meet with your docs and put a treatment plan into place. Meantime be good to yourself and know that you are the most awesome person in the world at this moment. Others will chime in and you will see that our shoulders are wide and strong. Hang in there.

  • Meow13
    Meow13 Member Posts: 4,859
    edited August 2016

    oh yes. I dont cry easily but i did when faced with my dx.

  • mara51506
    mara51506 Member Posts: 5,088
    edited August 2016

    Defintely would be good to cry about it. Sometimes, crying hard about it can give you ideas on how to handle certain issues that may come up and it is never good to keep stress inside.

    I still randomly cry about my recent diagnosis due to fear, but do find that once I cry it out, I may get a better perspective on certain things I need to deal with.

    Please do stay on these boards too, invaluable to have people who have been where you are and there is LOTS of info to be had at any stage of diagnosis to treatment. So much support is here.

    Sorry you had to join us but we will help anyway we can.,

  • Miles
    Miles Member Posts: 62
    edited August 2016

    Thank you. As I read your words. I just let the tears fall. It is nice to know that there is nothing wrong with letting the tears fall. Thank you.

  • Maureen1
    Maureen1 Member Posts: 614
    edited August 2016

    (((Miles))) yes...cry when you need to...you've been blindsided by this beast...when I heard my diagnosis I cried and every time I thought about telling my kids or my friends or coworkers I cried. It was hard to admit that I had breast cancer - it wasn't supposed to happen to me, I had done "everything right". My family tried to reassure me by telling me "you're going to be fine, you're healthy, breast cancer is the best cancer to have" etc. etc. etc. So I called the cancer hotline at the American Cancer Society and cried to the counselor on the phone - I needed someone to understand how scared I was and thankfully she did. Then I found this website and found so many wise and supportive women who knew what I was feeling and what I was going through. We are here for you, we know how it feels and, hard as it is to believe...we know that having a treatment plan and knowing what we're facing helps - it gets better. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers (((Hugs))) Maureen

  • SandraDee
    SandraDee Member Posts: 6
    edited August 2016

    It is absolutely ok to cry!  I've cried over both surgeries, the news of chemo, port placement and explaining to my children about cancer.  It is difficult news to deal with and everyone deals with it in their own way.  As you navigate through your treatment you will have ups and downs.  I have yet to start chemo but I have found a ton of helpful information here.

  • Nancy2581
    Nancy2581 Member Posts: 1,234
    edited August 2016

    Awww Miles I'm so sorry you find yourself here , but welcome! A lot of crying is what I did when I got diagnosed so cry away. I think I cried for a good 2 months after I got diagnosed. It's totally normal as it's quite a shock. We all know what you're feeling. It's so not fair, but as others have mentioned once you get a treatment plan in place it gets better. Hugs to you

    Nancy

  • Miles
    Miles Member Posts: 62
    edited August 2016

    SandraDee, Maureen1, Marra51506, Meow13, Patoo, and Jen with 4 Kids Thank you all for taking time out of your busy lives to reply to me. Today you are the miracles of my life. I have let myself cry after reading your comments... and then rereading them and crying again. It is so nice to know that I am not alone. The fact that each of you are walking with me through this gives me such hope.

    In my first post I said that I was trying to be "tough" and hold in my tears and pretend that everything was ok. Now after reading through some of your diagnoses and treatments; I have a new definition of tough. Tough is feeling the emotions that come and taking the next step anyway. Tough is SandraDee, Maureen1, Marra51506, Meow13, Patoo, Jen with 4 Kids, me and everyone else on this journey. Tough women and men cry when they find out they have breast cancer.

    Thank you for helping me trash my old definition of tough. Thank you for showing up for me and for each other. Thank you for reaching out. You have given me hope.

  • tsoebbin
    tsoebbin Member Posts: 474
    edited August 2016

    Hi Miles... Im several months ahead of you and remember your fear and pain. Cry when you need to but try to find something that brings you joy whenever you can. A massage, a new CD, a night away... Whatever makes you happy. You deserve it.

  • Miles
    Miles Member Posts: 62
    edited August 2016

    Thank you for the advice. I appreciate your advice. I will defiantly start a list of things that make me happy... It's kinda funny but I am not even sure what those things are right now. I think I will just take your ideas and go from there...

  • HelenWNZ
    HelenWNZ Member Posts: 485
    edited August 2016

    hi miles, I cried buckets at first now I just get leaky eyes at the odd time. You'll get into a routine with treatments and somehow things just fall into place.

    Take care

    Helen

  • ChiSandy
    ChiSandy Member Posts: 12,133
    edited August 2016

    I’d have been far more surprised by a post that asked “Why don’t I feel like crying?” That would have been a far less appropriate reaction to a bc diagnosis. Of course you should go ahead and cry--because we can when we need to. Crying and being “tough” are not incompatible. But having to appear happy? No way. I can understand wanting to spare certain loved ones the fear and pain, but nobody says you have to.

  • Sjacobs146
    Sjacobs146 Member Posts: 770
    edited August 2016

    Miles, I am not a crier in general, but when I went home after I was told that I likely had Breast Cancer and cried for hours while I looked at photos of mastectomy scars. At that time a friend of mine was near death from BC, so I knew that my life would never be the same again and my body would never feel the same again. Then the day the I got the biopsy results, as soon as I saw my husband that evening, I soaked his shirt with tears. I also cried a few tears when I found out that I would have to have chemo.

    I'm approaching my 2nd Cancerversary next week, so I can tell you from experience that this part is the worst and once you get your treatment plan, you'll feel more in control. I also feel better today than I did two years ago. I took up yoga and rowing, and I joined my church choir. I'm determined to live as best as I can going forward.

  • Lolis197138
    Lolis197138 Member Posts: 512
    edited August 2016

    Miles, it's more than normal to cry when you hear those words. I cried before I even went to see the doctor to show her the lump as I knew it was BC. I cried when I got the biopsy results and I cried before the surgery as it was my way of saying goodbye to my leftie. After that though I didn't have any emotions, I went on "autopilot" and dealt with the treatment.

    I would suggest you cry if you feel like crying and pick yourself up and be the strong woman you are. And if need to cry during the treatment do so and surround yourself with supportive and positive people. Be gentle and pamper yourself.

    Hugs!!

  • radgal
    radgal Member Posts: 100
    edited August 2016

    I cried. It was just a routine mammogram that I didn't want anyway but decided to have since I had already taken off work for lab tests. I had no symptoms but got a call a month later requesting additional mammogram views. I had the additional views, an ultrasound and a biopsy. The radiologist it looked really suspicious for cancer. The biopsy confirmed it.

    I was now a part of the big C club. Yes, I cried. This was a complete surprise. Suddenly I felt old. Suddenly I felt that my life was coming to an end. Two weeks later, I was laid off. There went my health insurance.

    I had sometimes thought of suicide -- my recovering alcoholic mind still sometimes ruminates about that.

    Now with breast cancer and no health insurance, I stood at the turning point -- live or die.

    That is exactly what my head said: are you going to live and figure out how to get treatment or are you going to do what you've often thought about and die by your own hand with cancer as your excuse??

    It took cancer to give me the desire to live.

    I got my own health insurance which enabled me to have the treatment my HMO didn't offer -- intraoperative radiotherapy -- which was performed after my lumpectomy.

    This August 25th, four days from now, will be my one year anniversary that I have been cancer free.

    I had often heard that many cancer survivors felt that cancer was a blessing in disguise.

    For me it was that too because it made me have to decide if I wanted to live or die.

    I definitely cried when I learned I was in the big C club -- fear, stress, loneliness, uncertainty.

    I still cry though now they are tears of gratitude that a mammogram I didn't want to get a year ago has changed my life in ways I could not have imagined.

    Today I want to live. Cancer, ironically, cinched that decision.

  • Kz1966
    Kz1966 Member Posts: 45
    edited August 2016

    I think everyone handles this type of news differently. I think I was numb and then I was angry. I have cried but not much. I can tell you these boards are absolutely amazing and have calmed my nerves. Lots of love here. This is only my second post but have done hours of reading. We're in this together.

  • Carolann4
    Carolann4 Member Posts: 1
    edited August 2016

    My cancer was triple negative invasive ductile carcinoma. I'm waiting for chemo.Has anyone else got triple negative?



  • Smurfette26
    Smurfette26 Member Posts: 730
    edited August 2016

    Nice to meet those that are new to the forums but so sorry you have to be here. Hard to believe it's been almost a year since my diagnosis. It does get a little easier and I don't cry much these days. My last "meltdown" was my Birthday back in June. A day I should have been celebrating instead of crying and thinking what if this is my last B'Day. Sometimes our emotions are hard to control and it's good to get it out. At times I do go to a "dark" place but I don't linger there. My most teary moments through this whole experience were the morning of my mastectomy. I was a blubbering mess and the hospital staff had my hubby to stay with me right up until surgery. Thinking of you all and sending strength and support. Hugs Donna.

  • Kz1966
    Kz1966 Member Posts: 45
    edited August 2016

    I'm triple negative as well.

  • hannahstripe
    hannahstripe Member Posts: 27
    edited August 2016

    Yes - cry!! You just got the rug pulled out from under you! I cried a lot and thought what will I do as I waited for more info and a plan. It helps when you get a plan then you can take one step at a time. Then one day, I looked at my family and I got mad - that's when I started fighting!! Hugs to you!!

  • sandcastle
    sandcastle Member Posts: 587
    edited August 2016

    I, remember being NUMB for a long time....it seemed like this was not happening to US and I was watching my life from the outside.  I did find early on that some people were Toxic to be around for me....it takes a long, long time to move on....I will be 6 years this December....but at the end of the month I go to the Hospital for my Mamo.....Always a very Stressful time...Liz

  • hannahstripe
    hannahstripe Member Posts: 27
    edited August 2016

    I remember that too sandcastle - that weird out of body experience, like you were watching someone else. It is amazing to me how going through something like this can make everything so clear. The toxic people, some of them in my own family, really have shown their true colors in the last few years. I do not have the time, the patience or the tolerance for toxic people anymore! so glad we all have each other on this site! Reading other's posts has gotten me through so many tough days/nights over the last 4 years....

  • Miles
    Miles Member Posts: 62
    edited August 2016

    Thank you for the reassurance that is okay to cry and have emotions. I generally do all that I can to keep myself busy and positive. Today my emotion was depression.

    This morning I didn't want to get out of bed; literally 0 desire. I lay there and thought about my husband who passed away 4 years ago. I wondered how long it would take for the cancer to rot me to death. I miss him so much. The chance that I could be with him if I died is appealing. Frustrated with myself and my thought process I finally got out of bed and I decided to check on here to read the experience strength and hope from all of you. Thank you for taking time to post. Your experiences, thoughts and advise matter and are making a difference in my life.

  • balance
    balance Member Posts: 49
    edited August 2016

    As you can see from my signature line, it's been over 4 years for me, but reading this thread has brought tears to my eyes. I cried and cried and cried when first diagnosed. I also remember that feeling in the early days of waking up each morning to the realization once more that I had breast cancer.

  • sandcastle
    sandcastle Member Posts: 587
    edited August 2016

    Hannahstrip.....YOU are so right...it was like an out of body experience.....Liz

  • JoniB
    JoniB Member Posts: 346
    edited August 2016

    I didn't cry when diagnosed the first time, but sure cried alot after my recurrence 8 years later. I couldn't get off the couch and just watched Family Feud 24/7 (totally mindless activity). Getting back to work helped as did seeing therapist. Things will get better.

  • radgal
    radgal Member Posts: 100
    edited August 2016

    Miles,

    All the feelings you're feeling are normal. Please know that. And please know that there is hope and lots of resources for us. I ran the gamut of emotions, treatment options, walked through immense fear, loneliness, overwhelming thoughts and such.

    I know this is scary -- I was there last year. Living is worth it. Breast cancer treatment is worth it. You're not alone, my friend.

  • Miles
    Miles Member Posts: 62
    edited August 2016

    Thank you for taking time out to reply to my post. It has helped me get through the past few days. Over the weekend I received a call telling me I had cancer and needed to have it removed via lumpectomy or Mastectomy and was refereed to a surgeon to have it done. Today I was handed a copy of my pathology report and I do not understand it. I feel like I would normally be able to sort through the facts with all the resources available here. I just can't seem to filter out what is relevant and what is not. I think that the "fog" that others have mentioned may be setting in... Frustrated with my inability to think clearly.

  • radgal
    radgal Member Posts: 100
    edited August 2016

    "Today I was handed a copy of my pathology report and I do not understand it."

    Sometimes I have seen people sharing here parts of their pathology report that they don't understand.

    There is also a fantastic brochure on this website at the bottom of this page:

    http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/diagnosis/get...


    Most importantly, whatever it is, share it here...there is nothing too big, too taboo, too scary, too anything that people here haven't already had to deal with. If words or phrases or paragraphs of your pathology report scare you, share parts of it here or review the brochure on this website.

    Please don't isolate. Keep sharing, scary and lonely as it may feel, we're all right here inside your computer and eager to share our experience, strength and hope.


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