Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?

Sandra, thanks for catching us up on Mikes progress. Glad things are going well for him at MD. My daughter went there to try and get in on a trial , but was refused as she had had too many chemo's. Hopefully the 4 weeks will pass quicker than you think.

Glad things are looking up for Mike and that Ryan seems to be stable!

Hello to every, including (or especially!) newcomers. I just caught up on posts. At home I have a morning routine that includes opening up the lap top and checking e-mail, bc.org, and Facebook but here in MN I can go for days without any computer time. Part of the reason is a word game on my smart phone. I have become addicted to Word Brain. It's a free download so check it out if you like games like scrabble.

We're having a rainy week. Two inches during the last couple of days, according to my neighbor's rain gauge. It's a bit humid but the temperature is nice, in the 70's.

Yesterday we drove up to Bemidji to buy a few things at Menard's. We have a Walmart in Park Rapids but no big box stores. Before we left, we stopped at an ice cream place that serves really delicious ice cream.

Wishing all a great Thursday.

I had some Ciao Bella dark chocolate gelato last night--tough to scoop (was wondering if I should’ve worn my sleeve), but very deep and dark and not as sweet as Talenti’s double dark chocolate. Been guzzling seltzer over ice. Just had some tuna salad over diced tomato, cucumber, and avocado. Still hot. Might go after the cherries in the fridge to keep me away from more gelato. Today is Chicago’s hottest day of the year. Even our A/C is groaning.

Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit.
Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever,
even if your whole world seems upset.
- Saint Francis de Sales

Hi,

Just checking in. I am back in Fl. It is hot, but so was GA. The upstairs A/C at my daughter's house in GA conked out last Sat. They called the guy they have been using since they bought the house. They have replaced both units costing (me) about $12,000. This upstairs one was replaced just over (6 weeks over) the 2 year mark. Just long enough that warranty doesn't cover labor. Guy came out, was there for a while, then told Scott the compressor and something else major would have to be replaced. The parts were covered by warranty, but labor would be about $500. He said he would call the next day to schedule the repair. When it got to about four the next day, and he hadn't called, Scott texted him. His reply was " I am not going to fix it. Please don't call me again" Huh? We have no idea what happened. Scott is very laid back, never raises his voice and thought he and this guy had a friendly relationship. Now what do they do? They called another company to come out. That night, Nancy was so hot she slept with me- I was fine because my bedroom is downstairs. The only time they could send someone the next day was between 12-2. That's the day I was flying home. Guess what time I had to be to the airport- between 1-1:30. I ended up at the airport at 11:45 so Scott could be home by 12. Nancy ended up arguing with someone over repair or replaced and she got so frustrated she said " you. Better not mess with a menopausal maniac that hAsnt slept since Sat.

Then I get home to find out that my DD who lives in the warehouse has no air either. They are using fans, but they are just moving hot air around They have no fresh air coming in at all. Normally, the landlord would take care of the A/C, but her husband signed a lease saying they would be responsible to keep costs down. They all just came in to cool off, so I will sign off for now.

Prayers for Sandra, Mike and Ryan. On FB last night she said she was on the way home because Ryan was having some sort of crisis.

Anne

Sandra, so sorry what you & Mike are going through with Ryan. It's difficult enough to have an adult child with medically-controlled depression, and Bob & I agonize what will happen to him once we're gone: he is dyspraxic and has neither household nor employable skills beyond his improv, acting and writing talent--the products of which the marketplace increasingly expects to consume free of charge these days. Every disappointment now is like a blow to my own soul now and ever since he was little I've harbored a fear that he is only on loan to us from the universe. At least Gordy willingly takes his meds and has his art, sense of humor and passion for spectator sports & music to give him a reason to get out of bed (however late in the day that may be). I can't imagine what it must be like to add bipolarity and substance abuse to the mix. Make permanent room in your pocket for me in that regard.

ChiSandy and Dara, I appreciate your supportive words. Not only do they test our patience like stubborn 2 year olds, our mentally ill adult children are able to touch every other emotion we are capable of feeling...sometimes all within the same day.

As all the others have said, it is hard to have a well-grown son or daughter that has such mental issues that they need our help nearly as much as when they were on the way to adulthood. I've learned not to blame myself or feel in-adequate that I can't change anything for the better. It is sometimes a tiresome aspect to feel like there should be something if you could just find it. All doors have keys it seems --- so I fall back on feeling that both of us, the child, and us the parents, are growing our souls through challenges and that this, for both of us, is one of them. We may not know the answer, but God does and when all else fails, I rely on God.

Hi all,

I just got home from Ga Wed evening and I'm headed out again on Thurs. I am going to NY to be with my brother and the rest of the family. Our younger brother will be driving up from NC next Mon. There hasn't been any major changes, but he is sleeping more and eating less. I had sent his wife a message, saying that my brother and I wanted to go up ASAP when we originally heard he was headed to Hospice. But his wife said he knew we were coming up in the fall, after their son and his family went back home to Germany and she thought that us coming sooner would upset Bill, so we waited. But then I thought it would make sense to go up while their son was there, I've never met his wife or kids and asked if she was okay with that. I never heard back. So I sent another message on Thurs to his daughter. She responded and said we are welcome whenever we want. She apologized for her Mom not responding to the original message. She intended too but.... I told her I knew how stressful their situation , but the reason I'm goingwas, and knew from experience that some days you have trouble remembering to brush your teeth, much less answer your emails.

When I told my sister I was coming, she sent me a picture of my brother taken within the past week. I am so glad she did. He looks awful, thin, old, frail. The most recent picture I had of him was 2 years ago, and you would never guess that it is the same person. Without her picture, I would have walked into Hospice, my jaw would have hit the floor and I would be a sobbing mess. At least I will be able to keep my face neutral, I hope. I will be staying with my sister, but am not looking forward to that. She doesn't believe in A/C, even if though her apartment has it. She only uses it when the humidity is very high. I am a FL girl who uses the air all the time except for when we need to put the heat on, which happens maybe a couple of days every 3 years or so. She still hasn't told me about her trip to Disney World in May yet, and has been in a very prickly mood since then. My cousin/older sister tried to tell Margie it would be easier for me to stay with her, because she actually has a spare room, and because of her asthma, she runs the air conditioner. At my sisters, I get the bedroom and she sleeps on a pullout couch. Margie wasn't having any of that, so vehemently that my cousin said she hopes to see me when I'm there. I said I will see her if I have to rent a car to get to her. That won't happen, because my sister doesn't let me out of her sight when I am there- she is afraid that we will talk about her behind her back. Little does she know that we exhausted that topic years ago and we all know she is what she is and she is not going to change.

I only bought a one way ticket. Not sure if I will drive partway back with my brother, stay longer than him, or fly back in two weeks. I am thankful that I have the freedom to not make a binding decision right now. If I feel my presence is helpful, I'll stay longer. If I am just sitting at my sister's house, sweating to death, I'll head out sooner. I am glad I am going to be with my family at this time, but not happy about the circumstances or accommodations.

Anne

I promise to keep on living as though I expected to live forever. Nobody grows old by merely living a number of years.People grow old only by deserting their ideals.Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up interest wrinkles the soul. -Douglas MacArthur

We have been accustomed to thinking that we have to get something
from outside us in order to be happy, but in truth it works the other way:
we must learn to contact our inner source of happiness and satisfaction
and flow it outward to share with others--not because it is virtuous
to do so, but because it really feels good.

Shakti Gawain

hi guys just thinking of everyone. God be with the ones that are dealing with tragedy and grief. 😢 shuf

Looking back, cancer has touched quite a few folks in my life: my best buddy in law school (who’d been a combat medic in ‘Nam) died at only 31 of ALL when he was about to leave Ft. Huachuca for JAG school at the Presidio; another law school buddy has had both melanoma on his arm and a squamous cell carcinoma on his forehead. A dear friend, who’d been a radio news producer and auto-racing commentator, was also a lifelong smoker. She and her doctor had thought that radiation had cured her throat cancer, but a routine CT scan showed mets to her liver and lungs, and she passed at only 53. Yet another friend who worked her way up from an OB LPN to an assistant professor of nursing had smoked for 15 years and given it up for another 15 before developing lung cancer--she passed away at only 46. A friend has just celebrated 4 years NED from non-small-cell lung cancer (but only grudgingly has switched from cigarettes to a nicotine patch). He had a lobe resected and had to have neoadjuvant chemo & rads in order to shrink the remaining part of the tumor to operable size; instead, he had PCR and there’s no tumor left to have to remove. My dad’s sister (a heavy smoker & drinker) died of esophageal cancer at 64; his half-sister died of liver & gall bladder mets from melanoma at 77.

And my mom had smoked for 50 years before giving it up at 65. Her lungs never fully recovered, and 20 years after quitting her COPD gave her congestive heart failure. A CT scan for a bad productive cough that landed her in the hospital showed a “6cm lesion, highly suspicious for malignancy” in her lung but she refused biopsy--at 84, she asked “what for? I’m almost 85 and my heart & lungs are shot anyway.” She also was diagnosed with MRSA in the other lung--treated successfully with IV vancomycin--went on home hospice, was discharged 6 months later when she was declared no longer terminal. But a month after that, she relapsed and died.

Hi everyone,

Thanks for the encouraging thoughts. But it makes me SO angry that hey found a way to treat AIDS within 10 years of the first outbreak- they still can't cure cancer? It's all about money. On Facebook, I saw a Dr saying that ONC's get a share of what the chemo costs. It's Facebook, so it may or may not be true, but still...

I should say I am very glad about the progress on AIDS, it's just an example.

My niece sent me a message last night saying my brother took a significant turn for the worst Mon. He is sleeping a lot and has taken pain meds for the first time. She said he also said he doesn't want anymore visitors. I am not sure if that means friends or if it includes us. I plan to go there at least once, regardless.

And the wax in my ears has built up, so much, I finally went to the Dr yesterday. It started in Ga, and my right ear popped all the way home. The flight to NY is almost double the length than Ga, so I wanted to clear it up before I fly again. The used 3 Windex size bottles of hot water and still didn't get a lot of it. But, while I was just dealing with the popping before I went, my right ear is muffled and I can't hear out of the left one at all now. I am using Debrox drops twice a day.

I have promised Vctoria I would take her school shopping this week, and need to get me some tops, but I would rather just go back to bed and shut the world away. With the bad news about my brother, the stress of staying at my sister's in Aug, my ears and needing to go shopping, I am a total mess.

Thanks for listening

Anne