Seeing yourself with the binder off

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Anonymous
Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
Seeing yourself with the binder off

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  • LM525
    LM525 Member Posts: 56
    edited July 2016

    I haven't really looked at myself without a shirt on today I noticed the concave area that just yesterday was my Lt breast. I'm horrified to look at it I haven't had a meltdown yet just a few tears I'm trying to be positive but seeing that area of the binder scares the heck out of me. How do I embrace this until I can do reconstruction? Any ideas

  • ravzari
    ravzari Member Posts: 277
    edited July 2016

    One big thing that helped me with overall body image issues was to remind myself, out loud if necessary, that the 'flaws' I see on my body are all about 1000% more noticeable to me than they were to anyone else, and with clothes on most of the flaws I perceived in my body weren't even visible to others at all, I just assumed they were because they were so obvious to me when I didn't have clothes on.

    They were noticeable to me because I saw myself without clothes/makeup/etc...on a daily basis, and because I was specifically, actively looking for them, which made them stand out to me even more.

    Now, if I find myself slipping into that attitude again, I try to shake it off with a, "Everyone's body is different, nobody's is perfect and that's okay."


    Just as an example, for 15 or so years, I had a very nice, black haired goatee due to a hormone imbalance caused by an endometrioma that attached to an ovary and irritated the bejeezus out of it (that's been corrected, and the goatee has been destroyed via electrolysis).

    No other symptoms of anything wrong, I just...kind of grew a goatee around age 19. For some reason, I was far, far too embarrassed by it to look into electrolysis or to talk to a doctor, and I didn't think it was THAT abnormal as a lot of the women in my family have some level of dark facial hair which made me think it was just genetic.

    I kept it shaved as I didn't really want this goatee, despite it growing in in the perfect goatee pattern, and was convinced everyone could see it anyway, even though I shaved twice daily, knew it was there, etc...and it turned out even my spouse didn't notice. He thought the stubble he sometimes felt was just dry skin!

    The only person that noticed anything amiss was an uncle who just thought I had blackheads. I let him continue to think that. :)

    Nobody else in my daily life, strangers or otherwise, noticed the issue or, if they did, they didn't comment and the whole time, for YEARS, I was completely, and wrongly, certain that literally everyone ever was staring at the 'bearded lady'. As it turned out, I was the only one who really noticed because I let myself get hyperfocused on it.

  • LM525
    LM525 Member Posts: 56
    edited July 2016

    American thank you for your reply and you are right I'm so thankful for this site where no matter the question regarding cancer it can be asked openly. When you're thrown into this position you have so many questions it's nice to have people that know what to

  • LM525
    LM525 Member Posts: 56
    edited July 2016

    oops I posted the reply to amw it auto corrected sor

  • Frill
    Frill Member Posts: 311
    edited August 2016

    I refused to look. My surgeon sent me to therapy. Don't rush anything. The best thing my therapist said, and what started me to start peeking was, "You don't have to like it." Eight months later (still not even close to recon) and it's not even a thing. I'll go out with a uniboob in a baggy shirt if it's something I would have gone braless in before. It sucks and you have to get used to it in your own time.

    We're all here for you. <3

  • Denise-G
    Denise-G Member Posts: 1,777
    edited August 2016

    I covered my mirrors with paper all except a small edge. Then if I was brave enough to peak

    it wasn't so devastating. For some reason, it was easier for me to look down, but to look in a mirror

    was so hard. But doing it my way helped me tremendously.

    I kept that paper on for at least a month - gently peaking.

    Sending my best!

  • ksusan
    ksusan Member Posts: 4,505
    edited August 2016

    The first time I took the binder off, I browned out. About 10 minutes later, I was able to look. For me it was more about the surgical wounds (this was my first surgery). Since then I haven't had a problem with it. It took some getting used to not to seeing breasts, but my torso increasingly seems normal.

  • dragonsnake
    dragonsnake Member Posts: 159
    edited August 2016

    I was really scared to look at my breast after the first lumpectomy: I developed a hematoma, was bruised, and covered with iodine solution. A purple marker used by my surgeon was smeared all over the upper torso. It was hard. The second lumpectomy was better. I was scared to look after my BMX, but my DH, who took care of my wounds and drains, said that it was not scary, that I it was  OK. I slowly started getting to terms with it. First I did not look at all, then glanced in the mirror, now  I'm able to wash around it in a shower without freaking out;  I still cannot look for long and explore the damage. I'm 3 weeks post-BMX.  I cover my scars with a short tank top, and it almost like I'm in a sports bra. 

  • Meow13
    Meow13 Member Posts: 4,859
    edited August 2016

    I was scared too. I felt so deformed. I wore my mx camisole every night with the pad, so I won't see the difference. Everyday of work I felt like the pad was riding up or that I looked lopsided. I counted the days until my DIEP 4 months later. I took anti depressant drug. We have a hot tub that I felt I couldn't go into because the bathing suit problem. I wonder if doctors really have a clue of what we go through.

    I was so happy when I finally had the surgery.

    Wishing you the best.

  • Meow13
    Meow13 Member Posts: 4,859
    edited August 2016

    It really helped when my plastic surgeon said I can fix this and give you an excellent match. His ego is big but he came through on his promise. My scars are very fine line and my stomach skin matches the color perfectly.

    I know it sounds like I am vain but I feel whole again.

  • LM525
    LM525 Member Posts: 56
    edited August 2016

    Took your peeking idea Frill so far so good many thank

  • LM525
    LM525 Member Posts: 56
    edited August 2016

    Denise-G I did the peeking thing that Frill suggested and like you I could look down but not straight on in a mirror its ever so slowly getting tolerable Thank yo

  • LM525
    LM525 Member Posts: 56
    edited August 2016

    Meow 13 That's what my plastic surgeon told me but Im not having TE until September 22 for our sake I hope they can fix i

  • Meow13
    Meow13 Member Posts: 4,859
    edited August 2016

    LM, I think you will find there are excellent plastic surgeons out there. Plastic surgery seems light years ahead of cancer treatment.

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