MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish

Options
1…10211022102410261027…1064

Comments

  • Dianarose
    Dianarose Member Posts: 2,407
    edited July 2016

    Eph-glad the pool helped. Hope the soreness goes away soon.


    Met with the new urologist yesterday. Not much of a personality but seems to know his job. Going in on the 12th of August for the stent. Hate having to be knocked out. He agrees with all the other doctors that I probably have mets in the modes in my abdomen , pushing on the ureter and around one kidney. Will probably have a stent that can stay in up to a year so I can do treatment again. MO is talking about Ibrance and the other one that they prescribe with it. I am sure I will lose my hair again dam it😖. Trying to stay positive and thankful that there is something new to try to buy more time.

    El- any news??
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Eph3_12
    Eph3_12 Member Posts: 4,781
    edited July 2016

    awww Dianarose. Keep us posted.

    So I am very better today!!!! just twinges in ankle & shoulder; hand way bet-tah! Yayayayaya!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited July 2016

    (((((((((((((((((( dianarose ))))))))))))))

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited July 2016

    Dianarose, it would be Ibrance and Letrozole (Arimidex) if I'm not mistaken. Are you sure it causes hair loss? I've moved on to a wig anyway, as my hair is thinning from Arimidex (or age!) and I want it to look more professional for work.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Dianarose
    Dianarose Member Posts: 2,407
    edited July 2016

    Barbe- yes it can cause hair loss. Doesn't happen to everyone but that's what they said when I did the CMF chemo and lost my hair 3 weeks into it. I am nervous about this stent . He said I will have pain like a UTI for several days and a feeling like I always have to urinate. Could have it in for a year😖. I hate getting put to sleep. Last time I woke up and couldn't breathand coughed up blood for over a week. It's scary to me. I guess we all have different fears.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited July 2016

    Dianarose, make sure you tell the anesthetist your experience and (s)he will make sure it doesn't happen again. Seriously. They need to know.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • NativeMainer
    NativeMainer Member Posts: 10,462
    edited July 2016

    Eph--holy smoly, what a tumble! I am so glad that Stella stopped before hitting the busy road and eventually came back to you.I am so glad you didn't break anything.I am so sorry for the bruises, strains, sprains, scrapes and cuts.Hope you took something like tylenol or advil to keep the inflammation down and minimize the stiffness and soreness the next few days.Remember to move slowly until you get all the stiff spots loosened up.Ah, Arnica oil is great stuff!

    Dianarose--Well, a stent will make a big difference in how much pain you have from that, as in take it away completely.Sorry to hear about the mets in the nodes.Praying the Ibrance will be totally effective.Be sure you tell the anesthesia people what happened last time, tell them how scared you are, maybe there is an option other than being put out completely, or maybe they can go a bit lighter on the doses so it doesn't happen again.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Eph3_12
    Eph3_12 Member Posts: 4,781
    edited July 2016

    How's everyone doing? I am much better but I am very leery right now while walking the dog.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited July 2016

    Awww, I've been thinking about you. Glad to hear you are mobile.....

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited July 2016

    OK, totally random (as my kid says), but scrolling through BCO a link caught my eye and I clicked. It was from the Q/A section, with the heading "Necessary to Be Strong for Mom?" Like this:

    "Question: I cry all the time 'cause my mom has cancer and she won't cry at all, so it makes it real hard. Am I supposed to be strong in front of her? I don't know what to do.Answers -David Spiegel I'd say be true to yourself. Your mom has her way of dealing with it and you have yours. I don't know why your mom is doing it but even if she is in an emotional straightjacket, you don't have to be."
    It made me kinda furious. "she won't cry at all" implies strongly that she really SHOULD. This is reinforced in the answer, which basically says: "go ahead and bawl your eyes out in front of your mother, let it all hang out, she is the one with the problem." Besides, if you are a mother and your kid is crying, you have to comfort and deal with said child's upset. That is an imposition when you are also dealing with cancer or other difficult things.
    I cried twice in connection with having cancer. Once when I got my DX, and that was in private. Once when I started chemo. Why do so many people feel that one MUST and SHOULD cry and cry with other people present in this kind of situation?
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • NativeMainer
    NativeMainer Member Posts: 10,462
    edited July 2016

    The answer was good through " Your mom has her way of dealing with it and you have yours." Simple statement of fact. The rest of the answer is judgemental and harmful, totally implying the mother is wrong in her way of dealing. Which is just wrong itself. Maybe Mom has heard the whole "be positive and everything will be rainbows and unicorns" message one too many times, or, worse yet, believes that crappy line.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited July 2016

    I HATE how he says the mother has an "emotional straightjacket"!!!! He doesn't know if the mom cries in the shower or late at night, or even driving to work. What a crock! I was calm in front of my kids because I wanted it to be their reaction to the news and not mine that came through.

    We try to cry at an appropriate time when we are in control. Dealing with the grief or stress of one's child isn't the time to break down, but even if she did, that's okay, too

    I went to a psychologist when I was off for disability for my back. I was feeling useless at home as I wasn't working and couldn't do things around the house, either. The psychologist actually said to me "Get reconstruction and get over yourself!!" Can you believe it??? I wasn't even there for cancer issues!! I knew it was her issue and not mine so I never reacted in front of her but just told her (again) that I was very comfortable with my decision to stay flat. Unbelievable how people want us to react the way they need us to!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • MinusTwo
    MinusTwo Member Posts: 16,634
    edited July 2016

    A particularly pertinent part of Momine's post for me is that the Mother has to spend her time & energy comforting a child who is "crying her/his eyes out" and can't focus on her own treatment & needs. Imagine how it would hurt this poor Mother to have her kid just sitting around crying - when there's really nothing she can do except feel guilty. And that's a ridiculous emotion for someone who lucked out with cancer. I cried some, but very few people ever saw me cry. But then I come from a "suck it up" and "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" generation (or maybe culture?). Momine - I share your outrage.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Dianarose
    Dianarose Member Posts: 2,407
    edited July 2016

    crying is personal. I don't like to cry in front of anyone. I am so afraid the people around me will get as sick of cancer as I am and pull away. Everyone is different and we should all respect that. I am so tired of the younger generation being offended by the least little thing. You feel like you can't be yourself anymore

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • SusanRachel
    SusanRachel Member Posts: 68
    edited July 2016

    I never cried because I hate crying. It makes me feel awful. My way of dealing with cancer is to solve the problem. Saying or implying that someone should cry is wrong.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Dianarose
    Dianarose Member Posts: 2,407
    edited July 2016

    I know this is off the topic but I just need to vent. My DH and I have only been married 2 1/2 years. His kids are all grown and married. They have been very nasty and mean to me lately. I am tired of going out of my way to be nice. I want nothing to do with them anymore. Hubby says just give it time that they are just kids. Bull, they are not children but just act like it. He can do family stuff with them but I have enough on my plate without their crap. Thanks for letting me vent

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited July 2016

    Dianarose, take care of YOU! Remove yourself from toxic people and don't take on their shit. If you have to be around them, just smile and look at them with pity. What bitter people...who wants to be them??

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Dianarose
    Dianarose Member Posts: 2,407
    edited July 2016

    Thanks Barbe- it's all about $$$. They can't use daddy like they have in the past. Always looking for a handout! They couldn't even get my DH a card for Fathers Day. My hubby is very passive but he's starting to open his eyes.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Dianarose
    Dianarose Member Posts: 2,407
    edited July 2016

    imageI put my back brace on and went fishing with DH. I did need his help bringing him though . He was 4 inches too short to be a keeper but I was so happy just to catch one 🤗

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • MinusTwo
    MinusTwo Member Posts: 16,634
    edited July 2016

    Dianarose - Great picture. So glad you were able go and to land the fish. Next year you can catch him (her?) again when he's bigger.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited July 2016

    WOW!! Fab catch Dianarose!!!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • biscuits
    biscuits Member Posts: 3,304
    edited August 2016

    Dianarose that is a fantastic picture! I am not a fisher woman, LOL, so may I ask what kind of fish that was

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Dianarose
    Dianarose Member Posts: 2,407
    edited August 2016

    Thanks minus two and Barbe! It was exciting.

    Biscuits- it is a Striper. When the tide comes in they will come in to feed on smaller fish. First ocean fish I ever caught. We do a lot of lake fishing. It's good therapy 🤗

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • NativeMainer
    NativeMainer Member Posts: 10,462
    edited August 2016

    Nice Fish! Even if he wasn't a keeper.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • elimar86861
    elimar86861 Member Posts: 7,416
    edited August 2016

    Dianarose, Whaddya have to catch to be a keeper, a whale? Yours looks like it had several good fillets on it.

    Reading back a few posts, to Momine's about the crying, I think there are better ways to let the OP know that it is o.k. for her to cry and for her mom not to. I didn't cry much with my first Dx. I cried a lot more with the second one, not only because it was even more serious but because I knew what it would mean...AGAIN. I'm glad my family members (all male) didn't get all weepy, although they did have the right to. If they had, I think I would have felt worse overall and it would have added to the burden of my having cancer. Crying, as an action, probably just denotes temperment or personality or individual reserve, things that have made up family dymanics since the societal formation of families, cancer notwithstanding. They have yet to make a universal road map for each of us to navigate with. The bottom line is, relationships and life do not stop with a cancer Dx. There is only "hard" and "harder," never "easy" so the coping skills of entire families are on the line.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • elimar86861
    elimar86861 Member Posts: 7,416
    edited August 2016

    I tried a brand new coping skill for dealing with a looming cancer Dx...running away and forgetting about it!

    My BFF (the Stage IV BC one) and I just celebrated 50 years of friendship by running off to Ireland. We both have Irish heritage and had never been there before so time to just do it. I know I have a history of writing whole travelogues on this thread, but please let me off this hook this time as that is not my mood at the moment. I'll just say it was a lovely escape, and the kissing of the Blarney Stone was merely a formality in both of our cases.

    imageimage

    This was also the first time I finally remembered to speak up at the airports and opt out being scanned/radiated for security, chosing the pat down instead. Cheap thrills!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited August 2016

    I have a pacemaker AND a cane and they HATE me at the airport security areas!!! I can see them going "riiiiiiiiiiiight" in their minds trying to place me as a terrorist..... They scan my cane but not my body.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • MinusTwo
    MinusTwo Member Posts: 16,634
    edited August 2016

    Wow Eli, What a great "get away". So glad you had a good time. And wonderful to celebrate 50 years of friendship. My "early" friends didn't make it this far, but I've got a couple that are at 46 years. My remaining BFF that I talk to all the time & would travel with is at 42 years ... and counting.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Eph3_12
    Eph3_12 Member Posts: 4,781
    edited August 2016

    I must have missed the invitation. After all, I am at 7 yrs and counting

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • NativeMainer
    NativeMainer Member Posts: 10,462
    edited August 2016

    Run away and kiss the Blarney Stone, what a great coping mechanism!

    and ah, the trials of traveling. Why is it we feel we have to make the TSA people happy anyway? Oh, yeah, we want to get on the plane and run away and kiss the Blarney Stone!


    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories