waiting is hell

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kdtheatre
kdtheatre Member Posts: 159
edited July 2016 in Diagnosed and Waiting for Test Results

[please excuse if this is a duplicate...I typed up everything before and then it disappeared!]

Went in for a 2nd mammogram and ultrasound on Tuesday (July 19) and the Radiologist pretty much said then it looked cancerous and wanted to do biopsies on 2 spots. The larger mass (1.7x2cm) is near my armpit, practically on the chestwall...and I guess is the more concerning of the two. The other one is deep and less than 1cm. At my GYN annual on 7/11, my doc didn't feel anything during my physical. And while I am not the best at self-exams, I haven't felt anything either. Had a rough Tuesday - pretty much dealing w/the fact it was cancer, but got the official call yesterday to confirm it was cancer. But the final pathology report won't be done for another 48 hours to know details. THE WAITING IS HELL. Last night was so bad I had to take benedryl to go to sleep...anxiety is super high, even though I continue to tell myself all the things we 'are supposed to tell ourselves.' Any ideas of what else to do until I hear? I can't focus on anything.

Oh - and to make it that much better, my GYN - when she called to confirm it was cancer, asked for me to come in and get an endometrial biopsy next week. Apparently I have a fibroid - which I have never had before, so she did a transvaginal ultrasound last week to confirm and saw my uterine lining was thick. This concerned her NOW, given everything else going on and said we should test it, "because then I will know if I should get my uterine out when I get the boobs out." Nice.

I have a 12 year old - so definitely eager to get boobs off asap. I want to live for her...but without knowing what my actual diagnosis is - my mind is doing all of the horrible 'what ifs'.

ACK.

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  • LtotheK
    LtotheK Member Posts: 2,095
    edited July 2016

    My heart bleeds for you. I remember this so well, and I continue to have such fear and anxiety around my tests. I also have a young child, it is more for me to bear thinking of not being here for him. It is not much, but we are here and you are not alone. I hope you can find a little comfort in that. You all help me knowing I am not alone, and that I can come here for the understanding support I need.

    I think Xanax is a miracle drug. Have you tried it? Is MI a marijuana state? Fantastic as well for sleeping soundly.

    I am wishing with all my heart that your process with this goes as smoothly and quickly as possible!

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  • BethL
    BethL Member Posts: 286
    edited July 2016

    I'm so sorry you're joining this cancer club but know we are all here for you and know what you're going through. I was dxd first 11 years ago and my youngest was 2. All I could think about was how I was gonna potty train him. You stress about a lot. He's 13 now. I was diagnosed again last year and am going through reconstruction. Got through it once and will again ...as will you. This is the worst part. Not knowing what the plan is. There's little I can offer as far as easing your fears, but come here often and vent when needed. There are many women here who will inspire and support you.

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  • KathyL624
    KathyL624 Member Posts: 217
    edited July 2016

    BethL, did you do tamoxifen the first time? Also, what kind of surgery did you have? You say you are going through reconstruction now so I assume you just had a mastectomy? Not possible to do that twice is it?

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  • kdtheatre
    kdtheatre Member Posts: 159
    edited July 2016

    Thank you. I met with one doctor on Friday - and they surprisingly had the final pathology report? It seems I have stage1 or beginning stage 2, positive receptor invasive ductal, grade 2. From my minimal understanding thus far, I believe this is the most common and there is fairly good outcomes. I meet with another hospital/doctor on Monday - with hopes to learn even more. It is an all day thing, with a treatment plan presented at the end of the day. The first doc suggestions just a lumpectomy and radiation, but I am still quite fearful of it returning - so have also prepared myself to just get both boobs off. Eager to learn more on Monday. I guess I know have to find a different discussion group to post to - since this is no long the 'waiting' point (well, not really anyway).

    Thanks again for helping me.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2016

    I think I'd wait on the dx about the fibroid. If it isn't causing you any trouble right now, I'd worry about the bigger problem--the c dx--since fibroids are 1) benign and 2) can be taken out and your uterus left, avoiding nasty vaginal prolapses and other problems later. The surgery is called a myomectomy and more and more, research is confirming that women need their uteruses for other things besides growing babies. Like protection for your heart, keeping all that other stuff "in place", if you know what I mean, etc.

    I think that a surgeon who suggests you should get your "boobs off" at the same time sounds a little insensitive. Get a second opinion if you can.

    I understand your fears about recurrence, which is why I went for full tx (and I had + nodes, too). I've also had two myomectomies and still have my uterus.

    Claire in AZ

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