Just Diagnosed - I don't think I can do this

TeleMiriam, I'm so sorry you're here and going through this, but know there are so many people to support you. I'm older (64) so know the decisions you're facing are different, but know that there are so many here who have been right where you are and are doing well. I empathize with your history. Beginning when I was 40 I've now had 3 hip replacements (yes, 3 even though we only have 2 hips), a knee replacement, shoulder reconstruction, and most recently a total foot reconstruction with metal plates, screws and joint fusion, and after 3 months non-weight bearing, it has now fallen apart and needs to be redone. Then I got my breast cancer dx. I too had the genetic testing, which I still haven't gotten results of, it will be almost 6 weeks when I get that back. Also awaiting my onco test to see if I need chemo first or "just" 6 weeks of radiation.

I have a dear friend who was diagnosed at age 35,stage III, had bilateral mastectomy w reconstruction, chemo, radiation, and just celebrated her 5 year anniversary! I know whether and what treatment to do is a very personal one, but please know, this site is a tremendous help and support for whatever you go through. Please take care. Dara

TeleMiriam-

We know it's a difficult thing to process, especially in these first weeks. But just know that you are not alone, and while it's seems hopeless right now, you can do this. This community is here to support you, and help you through this. Sending you positive thoughts!

The Mods

TeleMiriam, it is a shock especially at your age. We are here for you!!

I was just diagnosed today, I don't know the stage yet but I do know I'm bigger than what ever prognosis I get next week. I'm 45 and have a 8 year old son that I will fight for every day I wake up. When I sat in the room today I noticed that I'm not in this fight alone, the room was filled with women of all ages and races. Today I finally found my voice. I have breast cancer, breast cancer does not have me. I'm sorry your going thru this but your not alone in this. I'm only a couple of hours in it. Stay positive, be prayerful and Fight for your life

Hi Miriam - You have received a lot of great responses, but there is one thing I would like to add if I can think of the right words to express it. Everything you think you know about breast cancer, and how you feel about it, and what you think you can handle when you first hear those words? That all changes with information and time. It changes in different ways for different people, but the one thing that is almost guaranteed is that you will feel differently about all of this as time goes on, as you learn more. You don't have to decide everything based on how you feel during this initial shock. You put one foot in front of the other and make one decision at a time, and then you take what you learned and apply it to the next decision. As you find your way through this process you will learn you are a lot stronger than you thought you were, and on those not so strong days, there will always be someone here to be strong for you. Lean on us. We have all been there.

TeleMiriam, so sorry that you have been diagnosed with BC. It's the club no one wants to join, but the best people are in it. Everyone here has been in your shoes, so you'll get expert advice. All I can say is to not write yourself off yet. Take one step at a time, until the docs see you and the testing is done, you don't really know what you're dealing with

I like ShetlandPony's post. You don't have to buy into all that rah rah stuff or promises everything will be okay. Not a Debbi Downer just a realist. No one knows what the outcome will be despite all those testimonials. Good for anyone doing well since their DX. As a matter of fact I'm one of those people. 5 years out next month but that's me. Not saying you shouldn't be optimistic but as Shetland said one day at a time. Hearing other women's success stories didn't do it for me either.

Your feelings are your own. Doesn't matter what anyone thinks of those feelings. You don't need validation. They can't change your DX. We all drew the unlucky card.

I kept my game face on most of the time so my family, especially my youngest son, didn't see the fear I had battling this disease. I confided in friends who were going through it or had gone through it. I saved my anxiety for them. They understood.

I will say this website was my lifeline. Nowhere else can you go when everyone is here for the same reason. I have established friendships here and we do chat about other things other than BC. After all it doesn't define us or you.

Good luck. Keep the faith.

Diane

i wish i could think of something to say that would relieve the pain and isolation. All i can say is nothing you are feeling is unique to you . The entire world shifts on its axis when you get your diagnosis. I don't think it ever can shift back. There is a new normal for each of us. You will adjust. There is help. Your seering honesty reasonates with us all and i am grateful for it, although it is painful to read. At the risk of giving way to cliche, your enemy at the moment is despair. This moment will pass. I will be thinking about you. I feel this is a very inadequate contribution to this thread but i wanted to let you know that we are listening.

TeleMiriam, I felt exactly the same three month ago, and still feeling the same way. I do not understand why I stepped on the conveyer of the standard treatment knowing that one step  will lead to another. Just like you, I was struggling with health issues for the last three years, and was finally on the mend, even started working full time, and than I had a routine mammogram. I wanted to walk away from a biopsy, but my husband begged me to do it (or so I convinced myself). After the biopsy we found out that the Schrodinger's cat is dead.  I felt that my life as I knew it ended, and a different one has begun.  The thing is,  we are not in control of our lives. We do not know the purpose of our life- many generations of philosophers and religious thinkers struggled to answer this question. Some people live for others (kids, spouses); some truly believe that this is a trial, an obstacle, and take a resolution to fight it;  some have faith;  some have hope. Faith is a blessing upon a human being. Those who have faith have the easiest time dealing with whatever life throws at them. Hope is the hardest to deal with. No matter how dire the circumstances, deep inside we have this blind  hope, and we cannot sever the ties that hold us here. The thing is, we were not asked if we wanted to be born in this world, and the sad truth is we cannot leave on our terms either. One wise man said that we leave this world when our task here is accomplished, however, this task is unknown to us but may only reveal itself long after we are gone. The only thing we can try doing is choosing what feels right   every time we are given a choice. We can try minimizing the amount of treatment offered to us, and  we can try to accept the consequences of our choices.  There are so many unknowns in this disease, that we feel powerless. We beg the universe or pray to God for the most favorable outcome for the given   circumstances.  If you are like me, all these advices of antidepressants, counseling, and real-life support groups may not work. However, this site is somehow different: we yell for help and scream with pain, send a message to nowhere,  and somehow out there another human being receives our message, and rushes to help a complete stranger. Some just listen, some relate, some educate, some provide medical advice, some guide you through treatment, and you do not feel lonely anymore. They offer what they have with open hearts and compassion. They are willing to be there for us and hold space for us. I do not know if the pain of this diagnosis will ever go away, but for some  reason unknown to us we have to live.  And if we have no say in it, let's try navigating these treacherous waters to the best of our ability and without giving ourselves hard time.  

I can also relate to you desire to do a double mastectomy. After two lumpectomies that failed to produce clean margins I'm scheduled for a bilateral mastectomy this week. Both 3D mammogram and MRI failed to produce a conclusive diagnosis  or the extend of the disease for me.  I do not know in what world I'll find myself after waking up.  Maybe, there is an infinite number of universes out there , as proposed by some hard-core theories,  and we experience them this way.   

how are you doing? We are all still here, thinking about you. I have been rereading the posts on this thread. You have provoked some very powerful and painfully honest responses. I am halfway across the would but i feel those of us posting here now are sharing something special. Please keep posting.

So sorry to hear about all of you to be newly diagnosed.

Kb, that initial shock at what you are suddenly faced with is really terrible. I too went from discussing lumpectomy to mastectomy and then double mastectomy when scans showed something on the other side. The first thing to do before deciding is to have a new consult with your breast surgeon with the new diagnosis, and get their recommendation. If the 2 IDC aren't close to each other, they may tell you you need mastectomy. With 3 areas, they might also worry that there are more (tiny) cells that don't show on the scans. Knowing what your options are makes it easier to decide. I was told I needed mastectomy on one side and could choose between lumpectomy and mastectomy for the other side. I didn't see the point in being left with half a breast to terrify me for the rest of my life, so I opted for BMX and reconstruction.

Reconstruction is a long process usually involving several surgeries. I was surprised how good the results can look, but you do lose sensation. I would start looking into the options for reconstruction to see what you would want if you end up going for mastectomy. Where are you being treated?

Telemiriam, it sounds like you really could use some help. You sound completely overwhelmed, to the point that it's taking over your life. I would strongly recommend you seek out a counselor to help you process this experience and take back your control. Right now you don't have a plan, so it's too early to know whether you're going to die. You have a very small tumor in there. My money is on NOT dying.

If you haven't called your doctor yet, you might want to do that. You might benefit from having some medication to help you cope with this. A lot of us here have needed that bit of assistance. Best of luck to you.

Telemiram, I agree with the others. You should ask your doctor for a little anxiety medication to help you think straight during this stressful time. It helped me so much as I near my surgery date. You have a tiny lump in your breast that will be removed and treated. Although the mind wants to go to dark places try to remember all the women and men who are going through this with you now and who are going to beat this. I too should be on my vacation now and I know waiting for genetic testing stinks. Life certainly can throw you a curve ball when you least expect it but please know that you have a lot of support from all of us.

telemiriam, you are in a very bleak place. At your stage, all of us felt doomed. A diagnosis is like being touched by a cold finger. Some days i felt like cancer walked with me like a shadow wherever i went and i just couldn't escape it. I am telling you that so that you know feeling doomed does not mean you are doomed. It just means you have had a horrible shock and are reeling from it. It will get better. You have a tiny tumour. Your mri is clear. With a bit of luck, most women walk away from breast cancer. You've clearly had a lot of health problems but has your life really been all bad luck? You seem to have a very successful career. Have you told any friends about your diagnosis? You talk about tests not being 100% accurate. That is not just breast cancer, that is life. Get your surgery and treatment over and take a practical approach as if they are one of your assignments. Assess the evidence, consider the advice. Master your brief in the time you have got before surgery and don't be swept along by panic into taking a hasty decision. Please believe what every one of the women above are telling you.....this does get better.