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LMF, The BC DX is devastating and unfortunately fear comes along with it. So glad you are moving forward so quickly! You are very fortunate in that regard. It is a crazy time, for sure. It takes a while to wrap your head around the DX, but you will eventually come to terms with it. Although "staying positive" is important, for most of us, it is easier said than done. I found that once I knew what the game plan was, it put me more at ease and then I was ready to fight! Meanwhile, stay busy doing things you enjoy, surround yourself by those you love, let your support system in and ask them for specific things, as you need them. Pretty soon, you will be looking at it through your rear-view mirror! Best wishes in your TX and recovery.

LMF, I totally understand. I'm one year out and I still can have very fearful moments. The good news is I also have moments when it doesn't even cross my mind. So I figure the longer since it happened the better it gets mentally. Keep your spirits up. I know how hard it is

Hugs

Welcome! I have found that friends and family who have not been through it want to say something nice and helpful and supportive, and usually it isn't the right thing to say haha. "Stay positive" is one of the sayings that doesn't really help me; here are some sayings I like better: "Get educated, get a plan, and you will feel more in control." "Get on a forum and talk to other women who have been through it" (you did that). "Get a second opinion from an NCI designated cancer facility" "Let me know if you need a ride to a doctor's appt or some cooked ahead meals you can re-heat when you don't feel like cooking."

Since friends/family don't know to say things like this, you can tell them that is what you are doing, and also ask for that specific help "If I need a ride somewhere....." or "would it be too much to ask if you cooked a few things that I could heat up when I'm not feeling great?" People LOVE to help -- they just truly don't know what to do/say. And unfortunately, you may find a few "friends" who are actually just acquaintances; weed those people out fast you don't need ANY negativity right now.

Also, a book that really helped me was Dr. Susan Love's "Breast Book." You can get it on Amazon. I read it cover to cover and highlighted and dog eared. It helped me a lot. One of my favorite things she said was when her patients ask her "when can I just get my life back to normal?" she says "there is no normal after breast cancer; it is different now." Once I accepted that, it made things a lot easier. I realized I just needed to find my new normal, and stop trying to go backwards to a time and place that didn't exist anymore. By the way, I had to go to palm springs to work the weekend I was waiting for my biopsy (which I KNEW would be positive) and I decided to finish work early and go to a movie at 5 pm. I got to the nearly empty parking lot early on a weekday and I sat in the car and cried and screamed for 15 minutes -- I cried so hard my sinuses clogged all the way to my eardrums. I screamed out loud at how my life would never be the same. I wailed. And then I was done, and I have rarely cried since. That was my way of "staying positive": sometimes in order to get to the positive you have to let out the grief and the rage and the anger, and then you can get busy with creating your future.

You will get through this and you will have a new normal; it will be different, but maybe it will be better.

hi LoveMyFamily and welcome to BCO. It's the best club you never wanted to join.

My dx is similar to yours - digital mammo at age 50 picked up an area of concern that turned out to be IDC. Had bilateral mastectomy due to family history. Sentinel node biopsy found micromets in one of four nodes so opted for chemo. Didn't need rads and opted out of reconstruction. Did five years of tamoxifen and now on anastrozole. So far so good.

You've gotten some great advice so I'll add one thing, exercise. I started a walking program after surgery with a slow shuffle to the mailbox and back. Kept track of my steps/distance and have now logged more than 6,000 miles walked (see signature line). Start slowly and build your strength. Listen to your body and your doc. You've had nodes removed so please check out this excellent thread about safe exercise for those with or at-risk for lymphedema. https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/58/topics/801453?page=1

My 'home thread' is the Let's Post Our Daily Exercise in the Fitness forum. It's a great place for friendship and support. We have members of all ages, stages and fitness levels. Join us!

Best wishes and gentle ((hugs)).

Just adding to the "this too shall pass" chorus. FWIW--I did not have the onco test but my RO said given the grade/size/hormone receptor status of my tumor it would come back high. Once she told me rads would cut the probability of recurrence in half, it was an easy decision for me.

I think two things have really helped me. One was having confidence in my medical team. I always felt in charge of the decisions through the process but they gave me good information to help me make those decisions and I never second-guessed any of them, ever.

Second is a little weird--I think it's important to stay busy while going through tx. It just so happens that about a month before my DX one of my kids told me he'd decided to get married. At my house. In late June. The day before we were already scheduled to host about 150 people for a pig roast. My spring was interesting to say the least but I so did not have time to obsess about the BC. Just did not have the brain space for it, so I can't say it ever really consumed me. I did have occasional teary moments, often at unexpected times, but you should keep in mind you have other things to turn your attention toward--like your two beautiful girls.

Go dig up the Rads discussion thread for the season you'll be going through it (I know Summer 2016 is already up and running)--there's nothing like e-chatting with people going through the exact same thing you are. Wonderful advice and support.

This will not be a fun couple of months for you but at some point you will come out of the other side of the tunnel. I promise.