Anybody else feel "humiliated" by Dr's

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Bonniebleu
Bonniebleu Member Posts: 71
edited November 2016 in Surgery - Before, During, and After


Does anybody else feel humiliated by Dr's (in my case male), seeing your breasts?

I admit that I'm a pretty modest, conservative person. And I can see that this is probably really silly when dealing with breast cancer.

My first visit with my plastic surgeon (male), who isn't the most tactful guy on the planet had me in tears. I'm almost 48 years old, I nursed 2 children, I'm a bit overweight, okay. But he went on and on about how saggy I was! I get that! I wanted to save my nipples and he said "you want the blood to go from here to here" with his finger going down my chest. Humiliating to me. But to say that to me over and over, I just dread going to each visit now. This Dr. Came highly recommended. :

Anybody else?

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Comments

  • Meow13
    Meow13 Member Posts: 4,859
    edited July 2016

    My plastic surgeon really has a terrible bed side manner, but I must admit the results were good.

    Yes I agree the experience can be very humiliating. I'm dragging my feet to get tatoo done, I would prefer a female artist. I need to find a good one.

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  • dtad
    dtad Member Posts: 2,323
    edited July 2016

    Find another doctor! No one, especially your doctor should make you feel that way. Its one thing not to have a good bedside manner and another to be a total jerk! You deserve better. This disease is hard enough to navigate without having to put up with a rude physician. IMO you should be treated at a university based teaching hospital by a different PS. Good luck and keep us posted...

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  • Meow13
    Meow13 Member Posts: 4,859
    edited July 2016

    you cold file a complaint or write a review. I don't think you are being too sensitive at all. I am sure many others have felt the same way.

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  • AmyQ
    AmyQ Member Posts: 2,182
    edited July 2016

    I agree. Find another doctor. You should not be humiliated or made to feel humiliated or uncomfortable by any doctor. He sounds like an insensitive jerk.

    I'm sorry this was your experience. I wonder how many people, men and woman who need medical care but refuse to be subjected to unfortunate treatment like yours. What a shame.

    Amy

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  • marijen
    marijen Member Posts: 3,731
    edited September 2016

    How about a Dr. that plays with your breasts to figure out how much they weigh?

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  • Bonniebleu
    Bonniebleu Member Posts: 71
    edited July 2016

    Thank you my sisters for listening and understanding. I don't know what I would do without BCO, it's the only place I feel like I can really share my feelings.

    I'll share my experience from my fill appointment later, gotta eat

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  • elimar86861
    elimar86861 Member Posts: 7,416
    edited July 2016

    As in all walks of life, the medical professions are sprinkled with their fair share of jerks and morons.

    Being a doctor does not exempt anyone from being an a$$. Some feel that career produces an even greater preponderance.

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  • sbelizabeth
    sbelizabeth Member Posts: 2,889
    edited July 2016

    OK, I get it. This is something of a humiliating disease, after all. Even in the presence of a compassionate, caring physician, we have to expose our bodies, and we live in a culture that prizes a wonky, unrealistic ideal for female beauty.

    When I was first diagnosed I had a conversation with a friend who'd been there. She was telling me about radiation treatments. I said, "...you mean, you're lying there with no top? They can see your breasts?" I was horrified. She laughed.

    Here's my advice.

    Find another plastic surgeon if you possibly can. If you live in a remote place or your insurance is picky, call around. You are paying your doctor to provide you a service. Would you stay with a hairstylist who humiliated you?

    And...LOVE YOUR BODY. It has carried you through 48 years. It grew and nourished two children, who are probably fabulous. Just KNOW that the flesh and blood and bones and heart of you are beautiful, extra pounds and all. Don't let an arrogant, horse's ass physician shake you up. He is looking at your breasts like a mechanic looks at an engine.

    I'm sorry you had that experience. Gentle hugs.

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  • Bonniebleu
    Bonniebleu Member Posts: 71
    edited July 2016

    Thank you sweet ladies : ).

    Today was my 2nd fill appointment. Dr. Did the fill on my right and everything was fine. He goes to do my left and I feel the needle go in (just a pin prick pain), but he keeps struggling with the syringe and pushing the needle down. Seems he can't hit or get through the port. By the third time the needle goes in and he's pushing, I'm in pain from the pressure and feeling something is not right. He practically reprimands me that I'm over reacting. He's getting frustrated because it's not working. All I needed to hear was "it's okay".He ends up trying a couple more times and it doesn't work. By the 6th poke/pressure,I've got tears coming down my cheeks.

    He decides to get a new needle. Worked just fine.

    It was a horrible experience on top of the previous issues going on. My husband was with me and even he was a little shaken

    I truly wish I could get a new PS, but we live quite a distance from the bigger cities with more medical facilities. : (. I will get through this, I'll suck it up, I just wish I would have not taken the recommendations of my BS and did my own legwork.

    My left boob is killing me tonight. I took a low dose pain pill.


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  • Meow13
    Meow13 Member Posts: 4,859
    edited July 2016

    of all the doctors I've seen plastic surgeon are the worst egotistical beings I ever met. I put up with mine I got good results.

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  • Bonniebleu
    Bonniebleu Member Posts: 71
    edited July 2016
    • I'm sorry Meow 13 :(. Gentle hugs.

    Btw, I love your cats! They're so beautiful! What kind are they

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  • Beatmon
    Beatmon Member Posts: 1,562
    edited July 2016

    I was lucky to have a very kind and caring plastic surgeon. Dr. Lisa Taylor in OKC

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  • glennie19
    glennie19 Member Posts: 6,398
    edited July 2016

    I went to see a PS about having the excess skin removed, that was left cuz my BS was SURE I was having recon. He tried to talk me into DIEP procedure. He grabbed my belly fat, and said, I can make a breast out of this. No Recon, (I never wanted it) and I still have the excess skin.

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  • New-girl
    New-girl Member Posts: 358
    edited July 2016

    I was 49 when I got breast cancer and until then had never really been naked in front of anyone but my husband.  The first visit to a PS before surgery left me feeling very humiliated.  No warning ( I hadn't found this site yet) about having to stand naked and have pictures taken.  I wasn't given a choice just stand and do this because he needs them for his records.  I hadn't even decided to use this doctor or the surgery he wanted to do.  I left in tears feeling violated.  Found a better doctor who was somewhat better but still lacked any compassion towards physical pain ( I have DIEP).  Fast forward to going to NOLA and learning how it feels to be treated with compassion and understanding.  They explain why they need pictures and ASK your permission without judgement.  They explained everything and never made me feel fat or ugly ( original PS thought my poor results from HIS surgery were fine because after all I was so "old". 

    I am dealing with recurrence which will essentially ruin any of my previous reconstruction.  So this go around I have learned to self care and demand better treatment.  I will find a PS who treats me with dignity and respect.  I do admit now that I have gone through numerous biopsies, exams, procedures, surgeries and radiation I am more accepting of baring my breasts and don't feel as self conscious  but I still will remind any personnel I am a person who deserves respect.  That means if I want more draping during any procedure I can ask and expect within reason it is done. 

    If you cannot change doctors, please see if a sympathetic nurse can intercede for you.  Sometimes letting them know how uncomfortable you are will change his attitude.

    Good luck.

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  • sbelizabeth
    sbelizabeth Member Posts: 2,889
    edited July 2016

    Here's what I did that helped a bit. I refused to wear a paper gown. Ever. They're dehumanizing and make you feel like a wrapped-up piece of cheap meat.

    I went to Amazon and ordered a "front opening mammogram gown" that's soft cloth, comes to my knees, covers everything modestly. I brought my own gown to every visit. Even now I use it for exams; it's like holding onto a shred of my dignity.


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  • pab
    pab Member Posts: 53
    edited July 2016

    Get away from this guy! My PS was not really happy about saving my nipples but the breast surgeon had no problem with it. It just make the PSs job a little more difficult with reconstruction. If you can save them save them! You have to at least try!! These doctors work for you! You are paying them! Next time, if you go back, take someone with you. Take a friend that will do your talking for you or one of your children. This guy sounds awful and has NO right to treat you this way!! You have to use your voice. This whole process is just awful and stressful you do not deserve to be treated this way. It's your body!

    Good luck and please keep us posted

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  • Bonniebleu
    Bonniebleu Member Posts: 71
    edited July 2016

    Thanks for your replies and help : )

    I read some posts that are also very disturbing. My heart goes out to all of you.

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  • Macao
    Macao Member Posts: 1
    edited November 2016

    I had a humiliating experience but thought "he is the best" -so I stayed with him. BIG mistake. He was arrogant and demeaning. Wouldn't explain anything,guess he thought I just knew? I stayed with him because he was one of the best, but this has turned into a nightmare .

    I have no voice in anything he is doing. When being confronted he asks his nurse to leave the room. I feel that is bullying thing and no one there to back me up. Never let them send ur nurse or family or anyone out of the room if u want them there. I am almost done with reconstruction but so unhappy about the outcome. I a miserable and angry and don't know what to do now

    .

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  • mustlovepoodles
    mustlovepoodles Member Posts: 2,825
    edited November 2016

    Gosh, Macao. I think it's time to move on. Surely this is not the only doctor available. I started out with a MO who was supposed to be one of the best in Atlanta. He turned out to be a pompous ass. I went to him twice because I was convinced he was The One. Nope. Still a pompous ass. I got another recommendation and switched to a different doc at a different hospital and I couldn't be happier .

    I say, take the plunge. Change doctors now. It's bad enough you're fighting BC. You shouldn't stand there and be bullied by your doctor, too.

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  • Lorri70
    Lorri70 Member Posts: 191
    edited November 2016

    when I was getting my nipple removed I was crying and really upset the dr arrived with a camera and asked if it was ok to take some photographs I said yes as I had Paget's disease and it's very rare I allowed him for the sake of other women that might have it but I felt so so bad it really was humiliating and he took ages I was so so upset

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  • etnasgrl
    etnasgrl Member Posts: 650
    edited November 2016

    I was very blessed to have an excellent PS! He was very gentle and compassionate, not to mention, he did great work.
    As for being humiliated....no, I never was. I've had so many mammograms/ultrasounds over the years, that countless people have seen my breasts. It's really not a big deal to me at all.

    That being said, if you do not feel comfortable with your PS, find another one! You shouldn't be made to feel embarrassed.

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