Just starting to deal with stuff

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KareninFlorida
KareninFlorida Member Posts: 3
edited June 2016 in IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma)

I was diagnosed with IDC in late May. I have had a biopsy and an MRI and will have a lumpectomy this week. Very scared about the results of the sentinel lymph node biopsy as that seems to be important to determining the rest of my treatment. Most days I seem ok but very alone in dealing with this. My daughter and my best friend are wonderful but my husband is somewhat unresponsive to what I am going through. This is a big disappointment as i have always been there for him when he went through various medical treatments. Not sure if anyone else has experienced this. All docs and other medical folks have assured me i will be fine, but at this stage its hard for me to be so positive. Anyway this is how I am feeling.

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  • ChiSandy
    ChiSandy Member Posts: 12,133
    edited June 2016

    He’s unresponsive because he is scared and internalizing his fear. Let him process this. He knows how bad he felt and how much you had to do for him, so he’s afraid of how he’s going to handle seeing you in distress and of possibly losing you. And if he’s never had to be a caregiver, he probably has a lot of self-doubt over how well he will be able to help you.

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  • DaraB
    DaraB Member Posts: 945
    edited June 2016

    Hi Karen, I'm also having surgery this week, a lumpectomy for IDC, then radiation. I understand the fear. I'm staying really busy before surgery and think I'm doing fine, but here I am, at 3 AM, on the computer because I can't sleep. I just know how encouraging it has been to see all the women on this site who have been through this several years ago and are now helping those of us going through it now. I hope I'm able to give back in the same way. Let us know how the surgery turns out. Mine will be Thursday morning. I'll be also thinking good thoughts for you.

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  • Bonniebleu
    Bonniebleu Member Posts: 71
    edited June 2016

    Thinking of you ladies this week😊 I'm a month out from surgery (MX).

    Hugs and prayers!!!

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  • Trill1943
    Trill1943 Member Posts: 1,677
    edited June 2016

    Karen, sweetie, you'll be fine and he'll catch up to what's happening....sometimes I think it's scarier for those AROUND us than it is for us--I mean, we're right in the middle of it, dealing with it, so much "foreground" to process and occupy us..But for those on the relative outskirts of things, I think it's different. I think they feel powerless and scared and bewildered and up and down and down and up.....my brothers reacted differently to my situation, and it took me a while to comprehend that it was their own mortality that what was happening to me was reminding them of....and that's scary.

    Give it time and know this is more usual than one would think....men typically don't deal with illness, etc. as well as us gals. We've, after all, been in close concert with our bodies since young girls....forced to by nature! Whereas men don't have this intimate contact with the inner workings of their anatomy etc as we have had. And they often make the very worst patients!!

    Hang in....you're not alone...there are many of us out here for you and with you!

    Trill

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  • KareninFlorida
    KareninFlorida Member Posts: 3
    edited June 2016

    Thanks all of you for your thoughts. Especially about my spouse. I hope what you all say is true. I will make an effort to be understanding. But somehow this seems backwards. Oh well. A day at a time.

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  • tgtg
    tgtg Member Posts: 266
    edited June 2016

    Karen,

    What the others have said about a husband's feelings are right on. But here's a suggestion that worked for us--when we took walks, I always held his hand as a sign of mutual need and support. Even though my husband was truly helpful and supportive, I could see that he was upset inside, and this little gesture (not recommended usually for fitness walking, of course) reminded us that we would get through this together. And we did--and celebrated our 50th anniversary last week!

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