Fatigue, my house, my life: A Rant
This is a rant and a complaint, the kind that can probably only be understood by others with similar fatigue issues. So thanks for listening. I just need to share.
(If you are worse off than I am, if you are working full time with extreme fatigue or unable to get out of bed, my best wishes to you, and you may not want to read my rant.)
My home is my biggest source of frustration and unhappiness, and I see no way out because I do not have the energy to do what needs to be done. Everywhere in my house there are piles of stuff, piles of laundry, piles of papers, piles of dirty dishes, messes the pets made. Once in a while I attack some part of the problem, but the mess comes back faster than I can beat it back. It's like throwing a glass of water on a house fire. My family tries to help sometimes, but I can't force them to be tidy people. Dh is also fatigued and my kid is a busy student. Sometimes my very tidy mom comes to help with things that don't need my personal attention (like laundry), and to get me to work on the piles that only I can deal with, but I get so tired after a while, and then I get a little angry because I can feel that she thinks I should just keep working at it. I have someone who comes to clean the bathrooms and kitchen, and change the sheets, and every time she comes, I feel ashamed that the place is in worse shape than ever. I absolutely hate living in a cluttered, messy environment. I do not need perfection. I just want so much to live in a beautiful, peaceful place, but it seems like I will die with this mess all around me. I always wanted to create a place where there is beauty and creativity, and each family members' unique interests are celebrated, where we can feel happy and comfortable with each other and with friends, and it isn't hard to accomplish daily living tasks like cooking or paperwork. I see the homes of friends who have that sort of home, and I feel so cheated, and sad for myself and my family. The garden would be my solace, but it is also a train wreck.
I know what to do and I want to do it -- declutter, get rid of stuff, organize -- but I do not have the time and energy for it. Even before my first bc diagnosis, for years I had undiagnosed health issues, so there have been many years of fatigue and not keeping up. I do remember one year, when I had recovered from treatment for the first bc diagnosis and the other issues, and had apparently not yet developed metastatic bc, when I felt good. Oh, it was amazing to feel good. And I remember the time I got an extra week off Ibrance, when I got extra things done and it felt so good to have achieved something beyond just surviving. I am able to do things, so it would be easy to think I am just lazy. But I have such a limited quantity of energy and motivation. I use it mostly for the dishes and laundry that are never done, shopping for food, attempting to keep up enough with bills and paperwork that nothing too bad will happen, and my dance groups that are my source of joy. Also for the things I do to support my kid's endeavors.
What I ought to do: Exercise daily, cook healthy food, be cheerful and enjoy my family, go to yoga, make a date with a friend, keep the house reasonably tidy, support my hard-working dh with things like making sure my he has clean clothes and dinner, create good memories with my kid. What I do: Stay in bed trying to cobble together eight hours of sleep, sit on the couch and watch too much TV, get takeout or restaurant food, complain about my frustrations and see the glass half-empty, watch the house and garden going from bad to worse. Exercise helps with fatigue, but the amount of exercise I do is getting less all the time. Healthy food is supposed to help, but I'm not cooking much any more. Social support is supposed to help, but I don't see friends much.
I think that tiredness and low estrogen is leading to low mood. I do enjoy things and feel an interest in things, but not as much as normal. I am often unmotivated. Inertia is a problem.
We tried to take a relaxing vacation, and several things happened to mar it. All that money spent, and I doubt we will ever have the money to try again before it's too late.
And this is my life now! This is how I get to spend the rest of my probably short life!
Comments
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THIS. So much this. I am making the family read this. It's like you were in my mind.
If I figure out a solution, I will tell everyone. Hugs from high atop a messy pile.
Jennifer
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You are putting too much pressure on yourself. Try to work smarter and not harder. If you're lying around, use the time to figure out what really needs done, not what you "ought" to do. At the end of the day, every day, instead of chastising yourself for,what didn't get done, think about what did get done and feel good about that. Even if all you did was laundry. Or if all you did was cook dinner. Or if all you did was write it a few checks for the bills.
Stop trying to live up to some imaginary expectation in your head of how it's supposed to go. It is what it is. I found it helped, when my son was younger, if I straighten the living room and kitchen 15 minutes before bed so I woke up to a tidy house. It could get wrecked during the day and I accepted it knowing I could try to put a few things In order at the end of the day. If I couldn't get the kitchen rid up I'd just be content picking up e living room. Usually but not always.
Also if you are not enlisting your kids to help, you must start. If you do volunteer work, stop. Help your kids enough to teach them to help themselves.
Also, if you are sitting around, keep a notebook nearby and write a couple pages of how you're feeling. Do it every day if you can. It helps organize your thoughts, it doesn't have to be anything other than how you're feeling or what's going on in your life. You are searching for solutions and sometimes writing helps you find answers.
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I have been feeling this way for a long time. My house is a wreck. I work full time. I get groceries at lunch time to save time from having to do it on the way home. I work, buy food, wash and cut up food to take to work, and sleep. The little time left over I like to knit and don't want to spend cleaning, so I do just enough. I also think it's half depression as well as fatigue from the meds. And if meds aren't working, having active cancer causes fatigue too. For the past week I have felt really good and have had more energy than I have in a long time. I think it might be that the new treatment I started is working. And I also think the old treatment may have been causing a little bit of depression, like messing with my chemical balance or something.,anyway, when I first started this treatment I felt worse than usual, so I started some supplements and that might be helping too. Maybe that is something to try? You're definitely not alone in this for sure. Not that it helps but we get it.
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ShetlandPony and Jennifer, I wish I had answers to all the issues that are consuming you. Unfortunately I do not. All I can do is offer you my support and prayers. It does seem that you are blaming yourselves for issues that are beyond your control. You did not choose to have mbc. You did not choose to have chronic fatigue. You did not choose to require medications that take away your energy, your strength, and your life as you want it to be. None of this is your fault - NONE OF IT! It is impossible for your family, your mom Shetland, to understand how difficult things are for you because they are not living your life. You have no reason to be embarrassed by the way your home looks. Your well-being is most important here and now, not a spotless house. You are doing the right things, the important ones.
Are there any resources available in your area to help you? Can you ask at your cancer center or your MO's office? My breast surgeon has told me about meals that can be delivered to me and my DH. It is a volunteer organization. I think there are volunteers for helping with household chores, too. Do you belong to a church or synagogue? Many have volunteers to assist the families of cancer patients with housecleaning and providing healthy meals. Even if they were able to help with one room at a time under your supervision, it could be helpful. Even if such support isn't set up yet, a request is often considered. I have found that there are kind, giving people everywhere. They are not doing it as charity, they truly want to fill a need. It rewards the giver as much as the receiver. They know that they might someday be on the receiving end, too.
Is your MO aware of how much your fatigue is impacting your daily living? If not, please let him or her know. Maybe there is something that can be done.
I wish I could come and help you while I am still well enough to do so. I hope things improve for you. In the meantime, my prayers for you will continue.
Hugs from, Lynne
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Cleaning for a Reason - an organization offering free cleaning services to women undergoing cancer treatment.
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Shetland Pony -
As soon as I was diagnosed I started the process of selling our home and downsizing to a rental half the size of my original house. We got rid of a lot of stuff. It was not a completely organized move. But I knew I could not deal with the life I had in the house I had. My family pitched in because they understood it was a concrete way to help. We threw out tons of stuff. Some of it important stuff and some of it things we would have liked to keep. But none of it more important than my health.
The move and the downsize was hard physically and mentally. The rental is not what I want our home to be in many ways. But it is simple and uncluttered. It is what I need to heal. When my family saw it that way, they didn't have any problem giving up things and space.
Also, I realized I could not do the myself. My husband talked to my kids and explained to them that they would pitch in with no moaning. I am too tired to ask for help twice. He made it clear they needed to do what they were asked to do.
Basically, I cannot pull off the life I had and keep up with the pillars of my treatment - exercise, diet, medical treatments. So my life has to change.
>Z<
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I hear ya! I was feeling many of those same things. What I did, about a year ago, was hire a professional organizer to help me get rid of things, put things in their proper place, and create a more positive place at home. I needed this more than just someone coming to clean, because a cleaning person would clean, but not know where to put my clutter! It cost a bit of money, but worth it. She did a lot of the work (she was REALLY good) and it also motivated me to do some of the work. She taught me techniques to tackle the piles. I will send you a PM with more details in case this is something you are able to do for yourself. Now, my home is not perfect but it is way more manageable to tackle the piles and I feel a greater sense of peace and comfort and not worry so much about my piles of junk! I still have piles of junk, but far less than before.
I tried contacting Cleaning for a Reason in the last month, but they had no cleaners available in my area! =(
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Shetland, It sounds like the majority of us feel the same about our homes, too much clutter, too little time and energy. I too feel like I am losing a grip on all that needs to be done. Once that feeling starts it is not hard to let things go into a tailspin. All the suggestions above are great. When I have the time and/or energy I pick one spot I can work on eve if I sort through a pile of paper while watching TV. I am very slowly getting rid of a lot of stuff too. (It is almost embarrassing how much we have accumulated over time) The more I par down the easier my life gets to manage. On the flip side of the coin, I have a friend who's house is a complete disaster because she spends ALL of her time out and about enjoying herself. She could care less about her mess and clutter and it doesn't bother me at all going to her house. Many times I find myself envying her zest for life!
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I am always in at least a small state of decluttering and like you, artist, feel it's almost embarrassing what we'd accumulated over the years. The best books on the subject are by Marie Kondo who's first book The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up is a best seller. Lots of great tips, and says to get rid of anything that does not spark joy. Wilma, how smart to hire a professional organizer.
I recently read a book that mentions how some people who live in Silicon Valley never do anything with their houses, too busy pursuing what they want to do, whether that is hiking or biking or philanthropic work or any number of activities. They let the yard go, they don't make home improvements, they are just not tied down to the status quo of keeping up with appearances. They choose not to spend their life's energy on what they deem as insignificant. And we're talking about a place where home values are ridiculously high. But there, it's not about living the snooty high society life and displaying your wealth by having the manicured lawn and perfect looking house. They allow themselves to be free from all those trappings. It's something to think about. -
Many of us feel the same way, I know you want to declutter, but don't have the energy. I too feel better when my house is tidy. I too have been beyond fatigue to do so. When I went back to work FT after my kids were born we hired a housecleaner. WORTH it.Please consider a professional organizer, maybe she/he will donate her time if $ is an issue. Ask for help. People love to help.professional organizer,? I had a friend who did this and LOVED it....the organizer did most of the work.
Seriously, though......taking care of yourself is #1, try to focus on what brings you happiness and joy. Not what should be done. No one ever looks back on their life and wished they had a cleaner house.
that being said....I am a declutter nut...
I too found myself in a constant state of decluttering. I try donating or throwing out 20 things a week. Start small. Pick an area, and make sure family is on board. They have to be. I try to instill the one touch rule, only touch something once, (put it away or in the trash). It feels overwhelming, but maybe little victories will help?Recently I started with my closet, got rid of 40% of clothes, and keep up on it. having an organized closet, silly as it sounds, bring me joy.
Now that book The Joy of Tidiness, was a bit too much for me, but I did take away only keeping things that bring me joy, or can't be replaced. As I type I have 1/2 dozen projects of eliminating stuff.
A little thing like a basket for all those papers makes a huge difference. Any loose papers, goes into the basket. Monthly, I go through the basket and 90% can be tossed. No counter mess, no piles, no stress.
Wish you lived close, I would come and help you!
Its an uphill battle..
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I've read numerous books on decluttering, the most useful I found was the Tidying Up book, tho I adapted it to my own liking. She suggests decluttering by category starting with clothes because they are easiest to go thru without all the emotional baggage. While her method is to go thru the whole house of clothes at one time, I did it room by room. I only got rid of what belonged to me that didn't spark joy. I organized my husband's closet but it's up to him to decide what stays and goes for his things.
So don't worry about your kids or husband's stuff is my advice. Ask them to either put their stuff away or in their room. If you do their laundry just assign them each a laundry basket, it's up to them to put the stuff away. Well before bc, I remember telling my son that I lived out of a laundry basket because I could get the clothes clean but never put away. I just accepted it. I had a spot in the corner of my room where I told dh and ds to put anything they wanted to go to goodwill. It's up to them to decide what clothes they want to keep. I said if you try something on and it no longer fits and you don't want it, put it in that corner. Every so often, I'd bag the stuff up and take to Goodwill. A bag sits next to me as I type this, ready to go.
Kondo also suggests throwing out the stuff you don't want first. Don't worry at that time about tidying up. Just get rid of stuff. You can tidy later.
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And you don't even have to buy the book, you can google Kondo and many articles outlining her techniques will come up. You can also just google decluttering, simplifying, minimalizing and read what others say on the subject. You don't have to do a single thing that's suggested, so take that pressure off yourself. But I find when reading these kinds of things, I am inspired to at least take a step or two in the right direction. You may come across one simple idea or approach that makes sense to your way of doing things and that will give you direction.
I've read a few books about hoarding which are also inspiring, too. Cleaning out one drawer or a cupboard is a good way to begin. Tell yourself you'll give 20 minutes of your time to clean out to straighten up that............(fill in the blank). It doesn't have to be a laborious 4 to 8 hour daily task. It helps to break it down into manageable chunks. Oh and my favorite phrase: "take frequent breaks".
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Shetlandpony
I am sending hugs and wishes for peace. I was feeling this in spades yesterday. I spent energy vacuming three rooms and was done for the day. This left me feeling overwhelmed about all other tasks on my list. It also left me angry at this damn disease. I get so many "you look so good"comments. I just smile and say thank you but inside, it makes me feel awful.
No wisdom just empathy. You are not alone.
Mary
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I have been really thinking about this post trying to think of what would be beneficial to you. I really still can't come up with an awesome answer. I truly understand how you feel. If my house is in disarray it effects how I feel physically and mentally. And especially if it gets where I don't feel like I can catch up, I actually have anxiety over it. I know that is silly but it's just the way I am. So I will offer some suggestions. First of all, I don't know if hiring someone to help is an option but if it is use it. Next, I think I would talk to my husband. Does he know how this is affecting you. Tell him how important it is to you and that you need help. Then both of you can talk to the kids. Maybe sit an hour a day that everyone helps with the decluttering. You won't believe after just one week what a difference it makes. Maybe ask a friend to help you too. Even if all you do is sit and direct others on what to do. I hope you find a solution that works. I feel your frustration in your post. Wishing you the best.
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I could totally have written this post. I gave up a long time ago. I only work 2 days a week and it really takes it out of me. But I also have 6 kids and a hubby and they are ALL slobs. I am raising slobs, Oscar Madison's. But I don't feel as bad as I did because they could be neat if they didn't like the situation! Sometimes I do get really down about the mess, especially when someone stops by and I just won't let them in. If the kids want to have someone over, they have to clean up the house.
My onc (soon to be my ex onc, I do think) doesn't believe that Femara causes fatigue, so I have no support that way. But my hubby doesn't seem to care too much about the mess. I know there are some studies that say clutter does cause stress, and I think that is true, but I also think the more you worry about it, the worse the stress is, so once I let a lot of it go, I felt better. Do I wish I was Mrs Cleaver and had a perfect house, yes, who doesn't, but I don't, and it is what it is.
Cleaning for a reason is nice, if you have one in your area. Which I don't. Anyway, I don't think I could bear to have one come and see the mess.
I do have to say, though, if we really need to clean, the 8 of us do manage to get it all done quick. Why they can't do it every day is beyond me!
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To everyone who has posted above, to know that you care and want to help means so much to me. Thank you.
Jennifer, somehow it helps just to hear you say you really understand. HLB, yes! You say that what little time you have left over after work etc. you want to spend on the knitting you enjoy. Me too. I won't give up what I enjoy and spend all my energy on cleaning up all the time. (Yet I hate the mess.) I'm glad to hear you are feeling better on your new treatment. Zarovka, what a bold move you made. I really think that if once I could get out from under the backlog, and simplify, I could maintain things. Groovywilma, you make an important distinction between decluttering and cleaning. Part of my problem is that while helpers can clean for me, only I can decide what things and papers should be kept and what should go.
So I want to clarify a bit. I do not want a perfect or spotless house. I don't care what others think of my house nearly as much as I care about my own serenity. The aesthetic experience of calm and beauty is what I want. It is not about expensive things or keeping up appearances. I want to sit in my living room and chat with a friend, and see a bouquet of flowers, my favorite books, and some family photos, instead of last year's half-boxed Christmas decorations, large piles of unsorted papers that taunt me, pet fur all over the chairs and floating into our tea, a pile of old hobby supplies that needs to be sorted and taken to the consignment store, and furniture that belongs somewhere else but is too heavy for me to move. I want to go into the kitchen and try making a simple new recipe, instead of having to first clean up a mess in order to make counter space, and then find my energy is all used up and I have to ask dh to bring home take-out. It bothers me when there isn't a space to set up a game or a project or a family dinner because the tables are all covered with stuff. It bothers me to spend my precious time hunting for items that are lost in the clutter. It bothers me to feel the panic when I discover an important paper that was overlooked and is overdue. Long ago, my home was my canvas, a creative work of art where colors and objects would evoke a mood or a nice memory. I planned the rooms to provide nurturing space for the people who live here and who visit. I spent many happy hours looking at interior design books, and searching for used furniture with just the right character. To me, home isn't just where I sleep and eat when I'm not off doing what really matters. Home matters. That's just part of who I am.
Things like straightening up at the end of the day and having kids help are great maintenance strategies, but the clutter is too deep for that to be the solution right now. Organizing plans and techniques are great IF a person has the time and energy to implement them. I could continue trying to do a little at a time, but that feels endless and futile. It could take the rest of my life.
I need to live the life I want now, so I guess that leaves some sort of huge tidying sessions where I call in extra help, whether it is professional or volunteer. How would I manage to participate in that? It sounds exhausting, but also hopeful. Maybe I could enlist people to do the physical labor of bagging things and carting them out. And someone else to do the kitchen and laundry to free me up to declutter. (I have done some paper-sorting sessions where a friend runs the shredder. But I didn't have the energy to file the other things so they are still in a pile.) 50sgirl and Kandy, you have started me brainstorming. Maybe I could do Kondo's tidying method, only with assistants. Anyone want to brainstorm this some more?
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Has anyone heard of the FlyLady? Take a look at http://www.flylady.net/
She has all sorts of methods of cleaning up clutter in 15 minute blocks. She says to always start with a shiny sink - that gives you something clean to look at, and gives you motivation to do the next little bit. You don't have to buy all the fancy gadgets and tools, but it works anyway.
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Flylady and the Tidying are my thing...flylady recommends pitching stuff daily, dividing your house into zones,
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Haha at the pet hair floating into the tea! I have that problem here with the two cats. Which reminds me I am so sick of all the HAIR on the bathroom floor! I cleanit up daily but my hair has been coming out from ibrancve or faslodex. Anyway, once you get some help and things are under control, the kids need to pitch in. Like my dad always said to us, "earn your keep"! Whe had daily chores and weekly chores. Simple like make your bed, put all dirty clothes in the hamper, etc, that was every day and once day a week my sister ran sweeper and I dusted. These things only take a few minutes but would help you out a lot. My nephew never had to do anything at home, but he Stays with me on weekends and I finally taught him to throw his trash away and take his glass to the sink etc. I told him it's the rules of the house lol.
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One thing I am going to go back to is freezer/crock pot meals. I love the crock pot liners because the clean up is so minimal, almost non existent.
I did find that once in a while I would defrost a meal overnight and either hubby would forget to put in the crock pot or I would just plain forget. Most of these recipes you can cook in the oven on the quick.
Here are some of my favorite links:
http://melissafallistestkitchen.blogspot.com/2012/...
http://melissafallistestkitchen.blogspot.com/2012/...
http://melissafallistestkitchen.blogspot.com/2011/...
http://www.sixsistersstuff.com/2013/08/50-easy-fre...
http://www.stockpilingmoms.com/2014/02/20-freezer-...
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shetland P.
Is there any extra money in the budget? If so, get a teenage girl who wants to make money for the summer. If she would work as an organizer 3 hours at a whack, the "mess" would dissolve. Otherwise, the other family members are obligated to help. The tone of your letter tells me you are depressed over conditions. Enlist others to help. It is important for your overall health...good luck. Carolyn from Music City
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Shetland, I've been following this thread since you started it, wishing I had some wisdom to offer you because I know from personal experience how stressful clutter can be and how amazing it feels to be free of it, which we ended up being after a disastrous flood ruined our home almost 3 years ago, and we ended up simplifying in the process of rebuilding. Of course, we now have a storage unit I still need to get emptied out -- things we didn't bring back after the flood to keep things less cluttered -- and I don't have the energy to go through it. But not having that unnecessary stuff around (in my case lots of antiques business inventory such as artwork and books that had been crammed into closets and spare bedrooms) has made our home and lives so much more peaceful. Shortly after I was dx'd with mets, I also broke down and got a twice a month housekeeper, which has been one of the best things I've ever done.
I love Carolyn's idea of finding a high schooler -- even two -- to help you. I also have personally found it really helpful to pick up pretty baskets in various sizes whenever I come across them. A stack of mail on the kitchen counter or cosmetics in a drawer or on a vanity aren't nearly as cluttered when they're in a basket. Like Divine, I'm also a big fan of Marie Kondo's organizing system -- even fold my socks now, rather than roll them into balls -- and have found ideas like those outlined in this article, one of many similar articles and YouTube videos you can find on-line, hugely helpful and motivating. https://www.onekingslane.com/live-love-home/marie-...
Some other random thoughts that may or may not help you... (1) Get aggressive about throwing stuff out. Sure, you may throw out something you eventually wish you hadn't, but that's not nearly as stressful as living with clutter day after day. (2) Donate anything you haven't used for a year (or two years, whichever guideline you prefer). If you haven't used it in that long, you probably aren't going to. Picture how happy someone will be to find that old crock pot or coffee pot or ski jacket or shoes you aren't using in a thrift store. (3) If you absolutely can't part with something and it's cluttering up your house, put it in a Tupperware bin in the garage. If you don't bring it back in the house for more than a year, give it away. You've proved you don't need it and chances are someone else will be thrilled to have it. (4) Look around your house for places to create more storage. Exchange a small night table, for example, for a chest with drawers. Build shelves in closets or anywhere they would help you gain more storage area.
The bottom line is, it feels so great to organize and declutter -- far greater than the pain of parting with stuff that isn't making your life better by having it around. It's really worth whatever you have to do to get it done. (((Hugs))) Deanna
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Deanna's idea works for me. I always have a big box in the garage where I put things I think I want to get rid of. If it is still there by spring it goes in my yard sale pile. Whatever I make at my sale I get to spend on myself, usually art supplies. As Deanna says too, you have to get aggressive. If I start a spot to declutter and walk away without much done, I go back and try again. make myself find at least 3 things to discard. I have to say I never realized how much the clutter stressed me out until last year. I do like a clean organized house, ready to invite in company and found myself just spending hours organizing and cleaning all the stuff. In the last year I have discovered the joy of unloading. It has simplified my life so much and I can truly appreciate the things I love the most. Although I still have quite a way to go! I just pick a spot when I am feeling energetic and sort through it. Sometimes that means siting on the couch with some music going while I sort through an old button collection or sorting clothes on my bed with an old movie on. Or Divine, watching Hoarders! LOL! That really gets me going! When I get tired I stop. But getting one spot done always motivates me to do another next time. Although I feel like you Shetland in that I want to spend my time enjoying life not cleaning! Good luck Shetland, whatever route you take I hope you are feeling better about your situation very soon
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Shetland,
It has taken me a few days to respond. I feel your pain quite vividly. Needless to say, you have gotten some great advice, some of which might be practical, some of which is certainly aspirational.
It seems to me that your family just has to take more responsibility for their own chaos. No shoes left in the hallway. Homework and bathing suits dumped in their own rooms, not the dining room. As much as paid help is lovely, sometimes managing the help is more stressful than doing nothing! Only you know how having someone in your house makes you feel.
My only thought, and this is not geared towards guilt and disappointment in your own current energy levels, but instead for your need for beauty and serenity, is to make one room in your house a place of calm. [Sorry, that sentence got away from me.] Since you spend a lot of time in the room with the couch and TV, make that your sanctuary. Gather whatever energies you have, and ask your family to help, to make that one room beautiful in a way that gives you joy. Require that all clutter deposited by your family be removed. Bring those special items that make you happy into the room. Arrange the artwork in a way that allows you to enjoy it. Maybe you enjoy candles? Have decorative ones easily available. Only put furniture in this room that is reflective of your inner self.
This doesn't help the rest of the house, but, do you really care what the kid's bedrooms look like?
For me, having one room that feels complete makes it possible to overlook some of the other areas of the house that don't.
You deserve to have your special place, and really, you should have this within your own house.
All the best,
*susan*
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Susan, the sanctuary room is a great idea! I have a friend who is a talented gardener. She suffers from clinical depression. Her first horrible bout occurred years ago, when her two boys were active, noisy, sloppy young teenagers and her husband was working long hours. On the advice of her doctor, she eventually was able to make a small room of her house hers alone, away from the chaos. She found inexpensive lamps and a big comfy armchair at a used furniture store, hung her favorite prints on the wall, and filled the room with plants of various sizes. The guys understood that this refuge was sacrosanct and never crossed its threshold without an express invitation.This was her haven and doubtless saved her.
Tina
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A one room sanctuary is really a fabulous idea. And we have to allow our needs to be important enough to let that happen.
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ShetlandPony ~ Thank you for starting this thread. As others before me have posted, I too could have written the same complaints and frustrations. So many great suggestions have been shared! So sad so many of have us have these same (literal) obstacles to navigate. I saw this and thought it fitting
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People talk about how wonderful simplicity is, but the truth is that when we recently downsized I gave up a lot of things I would have liked to have kept. My husband and two children also gave up things they would have liked to have kept. We now live in house that is half the size with 1/3 the stuff.
This is a hone we can manage financially and operationally, now that cancer has moved in. I can afford to have a weekly house keeper visit. The kids can carry most of the cleaning load in between visits. I can focus on my health and my family.
But it's not the home I wanted. I am very fortunate but many things I have to do right now, like endure the side effects of these drugs and downsize are not what I would choose. Just one of the many losses we have to endure in order to make it through this.
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Speaking of clutter... Here's one way to look at it!
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I take an antidepressant every day with no apologies. The new era antidepressants work with your body letting a natural product build up so it is really very natural. I am not sure how others do it without such pharmaceutical support. Best to all. Carolyn from Nashville
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