Want to move to another state while going through Treatment

PinkwarriorgoddessTeeTee
PinkwarriorgoddessTeeTee Member Posts: 3
edited June 2016 in Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY

I was recently diagnosed and I am starting Xeloda Wednesday. I am fighter and plan on doing all I can to live as long as I can. The issue I am having, is i'm in love with a man that lives in Las Vegas, NV and I Live in California. I was planning on moving this summer with my two daughter and he brought a large house based on us coming. My job will relocate me. I put this on hold due to this diagnosis and then I tried to break up with my man. He is not having the breakup part says we will figure it out and continue the long distance relationship. He understand all that I am facing and what's to come with treatments.

I am now thinking, if there makes me happy then why not move? If it gets worst and I need the support of my family and I need to come back, I can go on disability and do just that. Please tell me what you ladies think about this. I only have 1 life to live and part of this battle is being mentally healthy and I am a emotional wreck not being able to fulfill my dream of being with him.

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Comments

  • artistatheart
    artistatheart Member Posts: 2,176
    edited June 2016

    I say make sure you check out all of the logistics first, then sit down and have a long discussion with him and your daughters. If it all seems like the right thing then go for it. You are right you only have one life to live and doing it with a loving partner can makes things much easier. Just make sure to keep your family close for your girls.

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  • HLB
    HLB Member Posts: 1,760
    edited June 2016

    Go for it. You have a man who already bought you a house and won't give up on you even when you told him what may come with this disease. If you don't you could be really sad and that won't be good for your immune system. Things happen for a reason. There could be something fantastic in your future there that may or may not have to do with your man. Go for it And be happy in love!

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  • susan_02143
    susan_02143 Member Posts: 7,209
    edited June 2016

    There was a marvelous woman on these boards name Soleil. She ran an import business; well she designed things that she had made in China and then sold them wholesale. As I recall she lived in one of the very cold Midwestern states- Wisconsin I think. [Someone will correct me if I am wrong.] Her dream had always been to live in California. At the end of one selling season, instead of heading to China to order new product, she closed the business and moved! She found a lovely little place to live. She painted it a cheerful yellow. She began to ride a bicycle. She spent loads of time with her grandchildren. As I recall, she died about 18 months after moving. And she died having lived her dream to its fullest and on her own terms. Like many of us, she had to decide when it was time to give up work.

    I admire her tremendously! What courage it takes to move to a whole new place, finding a new treatment team.... and she never regretted any of her choices.

    Do it! Does this man make you happy? Can you imagine living in Las Vegas [I couldn't]? Do you think your children will do well in new school systems? Do what makes you happy now.

    You might, like me, still be alive and vibrant six years later. How much regret would you have in six years if you hadn't lived your own dream?

    Good luck making this very important decision.

    *susan*

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  • TarheelMichelle
    TarheelMichelle Member Posts: 871
    edited June 2016

    How old are your daughters? Their age can play a large role in how they handle these two big life-changing events -- your cancer and an out-of-state move.

    If they are underage, it matters a lot what their father says about the move. You want to maintain a strong relationship with those family and friends you live near now. I'm guessing that some of them may have already voiced concerned about your move, because they care about you and may feel abandoned. Your feelings matter most, and you can't overlook your friends. But you can't stay where you are simply because it's where your friends and family prefer it. But a network of friends and family can be an important survival tool, particularly if you undergo harsh treatment in the future, and when you become sicker, which I hope is a long way off.

    I think it's wonderful you have a loving man in your life. I assume you've been dating awhile, that you've actually spent time in Las Vegas and feel comfortable taking your family there. Transitioning from a long-distance relationship to a live-in relationship is hard, even without cancer. Your man did not back out. All the signs look good. But it's a lot easier to SAY you can handle caregiving than to do it. Make sure he has the support he needs. Does he have friends and family nearby that he can lean on for emotional support?

    Your happiness is important. Cancer isn't. Your security and your love for your daughters and your partner are what matter.

    Wishing you the best.

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  • PinkwarriorgoddessTeeTee
    PinkwarriorgoddessTeeTee Member Posts: 3
    edited June 2016

    thank you

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