My (perhaps controversial) thoughts as a "newbie" to CA.

P.S. Back from Wally-Mart.....fun as Wally World...

Since when did batteries cost almost a dollar apiece??

I almost went to Dollar Tree but think the fast fizzle of the last bunch I bought there is 'cause they were--uh---old.

Pantaloon just lay down on the remote to the TV...she always gravitates to the remote and then plunks herself on it...so the sound was muted.....I thought No, don't tell me the Dollar Tree batteries that power my TV have also died on me!!! Just kidding... I don't use Dollar Tree batteries in the TV....

Hi gerrib--

This recurrence I know must be a very scary thing for you and I'm sorry that you're going through this now. It's something I know most of us, at various times, must think about. I'm a triple negative, where the risk of recurrence is high, so I know how this must have affected you when you found out...

I hope it's gone for good this time!

Like you, I elected not to have chemo. I'm content with that decision and become more so each day as I encounter people who ask how I'm faring and who after I tell them of my decision then go on to agree that chemo isn't for everyone. Most of my friends are in my age group and a few have said they'd do the same and forego it. Some have shared stories of their elderly parents or relatives or friends who had a rough go of it with chemo, which they withheld telling me about while I was in the deciding phase.

That first post was about should I just let cancer take over and let death come as nature was more or less ordaining it. It was one of the heaviest--if not THE heaviest--moments I've faced in 72 years. Alone and scared, I reached out to this site and the wise, sweet, funny, and good women here who taught, shared, consoled, joshed along with me, all the while calming me down, helping me get a perspective.

When my surgery was over and chemo lay in the offing, I began writing pieces to leaven the heavy atmosphere, bring some humor and a light touch to the very serious issues we women with breast cancer face. It was very hard to find any humor those first weeks. As writing--and making myself laugh in the process--lifted me out of sadness and fear, I hoped that reading my stories and of my travails would do the same for others...

To me, gerrib, humor is up-lifting, healing, therapeutic. "Laughter is the best medicine" may be accepted as a saying but I still don't think it's given the credit it deserves. A good laugh can loosen the stranglehold fear places on us. The body softens and drops its tensions when we roll in our seats laughing. The aches seem to glide away, the sorenesses ease. One thing I've learned: if you completely relax your body you can't feel fear. You can't feel anger.

Writing or reading a good or a touching story can make me forget the sad or the scary moment I'm sitting right in the middle of.

I love reading what other women have to share when the harsh clinical realities back off for a bit. There's a time for those realities and we all get a big dose of them and then we need support and answers and help. And that's here, at this site, among many others.

But then that time passes and we go on--seeing life through the perspective of a cancer patient.

One thing cancer has taught me is that the simple, day-to-day things are so precious. After the personally earth-shattering news, discussions, prognoses, path reports, and procedures, it's so refreshing to delight in those silly little things that I thought inconsequential, or took for granted, before--the simple beauties and realities of life...

There's Life--walking, eating, talking, thinking, speaking, breathing--and that's what I was thinking of when I wrote that first post back in November.

But then there's Living.

I'm trying to concentrate on the living of it rather than the having of it.

We all will go.

My goal is to BE here.

In the first place.

P.S. Ladies, I decided to re-do my website. I show the Serpentine Sidewalk, added a link to a little 18-second video showing the blocks in action, and a link to the Evergreen Museum.

Hi all--

Hope you all are well!

I just heard from my go-to 24/7 advocate that she had a little scare in January. Like me she's a triple negative.She had a lumpectomy 3 or 4 years ago and only one chemo session (it made her too ill to continue). But it turned out that the 'something' was just a calcification. So she's very relieved! It reminded me that yes, things can happen down the road, and not to forget that...but also to continue to live life to the fullest... I'm so glad she's OK...

It's been a strange time. The website is finished and I like it. But when I called the Evergreen Museum the other day I learned that the sample Tumbling Block I'd left there had come un-taped at one spot. I think that an over-eager kid or person had been handling it and got too rough or something with it... I went up and got it to bring it home to fix it. It takes a good bit to break these apart with that Tenacious Tape. I almost feel like asking them to keep the sample behind the counter or under it or on it--at least in sight.... like they keep other handmade things...

Then I noticed with the boxes I have here that the blocks inside tend to stick to the plastic. The boxes are so nicely snug--but it means the bottom has to be opened and the blocks pushed through like you remove cranberry sauce from a can.

I can't believe I'm saying this but I think I have to make some boxes that are tad larger. I want them to be snug-fitting but not this snug.It's because the blocks have several layers of paint and this thickens them and gives almost an impasto effect in places.

The problem is how to make my template 1/16th of an inch larger. The boxes are now 2- 9/16" square but they'd be much nicer if they were a tad roomier--- 2-5/8" square.

Anybody know how to make a template larger? Maybe a quilter out there? Or somebody good with math or geometry?

I'm stunned that I'm even thinking of doing this! Aye Aye Aye!

Hi dear ladies--

It's been a while since I wrote here--this is just a note to say I'm still alive and kicking! I've been struggling with a bad sinus problem--congestion, endless post-nasal drip, wretched cough, no sense of smell or taste--and, to top it off, having to wear a maxi-pad 24/7 due to stress incontinence! Aye-aye! I feel like a 15-year-old again with this bulky thing between my legs...

But I finally hied myself off to Hopkins and a new doc and he's put me on cortisone and this cortisone liquid to put in my nasal rinse bottle twice a day. Thing is, it costs $80 per month (!!) and my insurance just denied covering it because it's an atypical use of budesonide--normally the stuff goes into a nebulizer for asthmatics. But I feel so much better after a week of this that I may have to spring for it...maybe I won't have to be on it continuously....I'm hoping a month of it will knock this thing for a loop.

Remember those posts I wrote--for the fun of it--about mucus blobs and how they have haunted me and hunted me down? Well, those were a sign of sinus disease! So the joke's on me!

My website for the blocks has undergone lots of changes. I decided to remove its store atmosphere as paypal may construe sales require a fee to them for taking payment and the site company itself wants me to upgrade to a $15 per month plan in order to have it a one-click store.... right now anyone who might be interested can contact me via the info there should they want to purchase something. I messed around one blah, cough-filled day and removed/changed a lot so you might not recognize it if you visit.

My brother and his gal friend were here a couple of weeks ago and we went up to Evergreen and had the tour and the folks there are antsy to have my serpentine sidewalk on display... Me, too!

I hope you all are doing well! Pantaloon is enjoying mommy not hacking her head off day and night and mommy herself is happy to oblige.

love to you all!

trill and Miss P