Anyone play the looking backwards game?

Yes, there are a lot of women that have came and gone. But there is still a lot of women still here. As hard as it is, we can not change our diagnosis or outcome. I try to stay living in the moment instead of worrying so much about what and when something will happen. I think that is a work in progress, somedays, I am better than other days. I always remind myself that no one is promised tomorrow, with or without cancer. I do agree that this is such a mental game. Wishing you nothing but the best.

That's a losing game. Each of us is unique in our response to treatment, and treatments have been improving over recent years, so comparing yourself to others will tell you nothing useful. I don't know long it's been since your diagnosis or what your treatments or SEs are, but I encourage you to look ahead with hope. You may want to ask your doctor about medication to relieve depression/anxiety, which many of us find helpful.

Tina

I did that at first, 12 years ago...following others with the same dx/pathology. and lots of nodes (I have freaking 17!!)

Its not a good game, and as others have said, it just isn't a good indicator.

My surgeon was not positive on my outcome, 12 years ago. But then came herceptin.

A doctor at my clinical trial made some remark about triple +++ being harder to treat, that was almost 4 years ago...I responded to Tykerb/Herceptin combo for almost 3 full years after that.

NOBODY can predict what is going to happen. It truly is a crapshot!

Hi Rachel,

I play a very different version of the looking backward game.

When I think back on all my years with cancer and the losses I've experienced, especially of loved ones who were diagnosed and died after me, I remember them with great love, appreciation and admiration.

Each brought something uniquely invaluable to my life and perhaps we'll meet again when I die.

And, every time I start feeling survivor guilt, I hear them cheering me on and offering me strength to live my life fully in the now!

We really don't know how it will go for any of us, but if we can choose our reactions (and we can't always), we can choose kindness, caring and compassion for ourselves and others. We can choose to live in the now.

One of my favorite sayings is, "my crystal ball is on the fritz."

It takes the burden off needing to know the future and allows me to live in wonder and awe in the present.

Rachel, if you are depressed about your diagnosis, treatment and prognosis, don't hesitate to reach out for professional help like MBSR (mindfulness based stress reduction), counseling and perhaps anti-depressants. This is tough stuff to deal with and well-meaning advice from peers isn't always enough to lift us up.

Blessings as you find your way with MBC, Stephanie

Good Morning keetmom, Big hugs to you and your girl.

When I look back I see my two younger sisters, who died before me. One at 23 and the other at 52. And my mother who lived to be 53. Prince just died at age 57. I'm currently 58. I always feel blessed to have been given more time on this Earth than so many people are given.

It's my pleasure to enjoy this gift. I don't worry about "life saving chemo" adding a few more years, I've already been given a few more years than so many people had. Everyone has their own time.

cb

Rachel, yes, I have played that game. I saw it as sort of a reality check. As in, okay, can I figure out how long others lived so I can either try to live longer, get my affairs in order sooner if my research leads me to think that way, or maybe I should allow myself to start blowing more money because time is short. And here's the thing, I have had a stretch of stability, so sometimes I wonder how much should I be thinking about when things go down hill? Am I living in denial, or am I simply living?

I will also admit to this: even now, when a member here passes away, I look to see what kind of bc they had and how long they lived, were they stage iv from the start or did they progress from an earlier stage?

I let myself ook back at some of the posters to see if there was any pattern or something I could learn from my unofficial research. I think it tells me to live in the present and soak in all of life today, then do it again tomorrow. It's taught me to simplify my life, do more of what I really want and do less out of obligation, reassess things often to eliminate stress, and even embrace the crappier things that come my way because I'm still around to figure out solutions to life's difficulties. And I've learned I don't have to live big, I just want to live meaningfully.

Sometimes I find myself doing that. But then I turn it around. The (I believe outdated) stats say that only 20-30% of us will be alive five years past Dx. But I see SO many on here exceed that. And a fair amont even NED for that time!