The Hermit Club

Sara- welcome to our thread! Sorry you find yourself here, but glad you found us! Many of us have had to hermit to get through this. I am less hermitty than I was during treatment, but still find I need a lot of alone time these days.

I think you have it figured out with respect to people and our dx. One of the hardest parts for me initially was figuring out who was going to be there for me and who was not. In the end, I had 2-3 trusted friends who were able to step up and help without the need to probe, advise, or judge me or the process. As time went on, those two friends remained the same with me, while others changed with me (and some of those people are gone now, of their own choice or mine) or just had their own change of focus and moved on. There are people I never told and never will.

It is too bad you cannot confide in your BFF, but understand that too if she has some things going on. I have a good friend who tried to help me through rads, but for similar reasons you shared, her own internal anxiety took over and became more work for me than help. Not everyone is good about putting other's needs first, despite wanting to. I don't really talk to her much about my health these days, but when the subject of my bc comes up around follow ups, etc., her comment to me is "I just know you are fine and it is never coming back again." She seems to know more than the oncologists I talk to! She had a good heart, but not someone I would probably tell again if it ever does come back.

All that being said, this thread is the best place to talk through the process, the questions, the fears, the SEs, etc. with other women. We all have different treatment plans, but in general, can support and help you through the rest of this. Do check out the rads threads, great place to talk to other women in that step of the process. I had internal rads, which is less common, but if you happen to be having that type, let me know and happy to share my experiences.

When do you start rads?

Georgia- oh the pink stuff, you poor woman! I read a great editorial in my local paper last weekend about a woman who is coming through bc treatment saying "breast cancer is not about pink ribbons, Koman walks, etc." People just don't get it.

You can always tell people you are doing okay, and just looking forward to getting back to work. And thank them for their concern and support too. I try to answer questions briefly without detail and then move on, prepared a "script of sorts" in my head when people asked how I was doing. Most people will clue in you are not interested in sharing details.

Your next big step here is the BMX. I always suggest to newbees to make their bedroom as comfortable as possible as you will spend a lot of time there. You have already been through chemo and probably know this. I think some other sisters who had MX or BMX recommend sleeping in a recliner if you have one. If not, pillows on each side work. I had surgery on each side and did that.

You will get through this. Let us know how else we can help?

Valstim52 the surgery for bmx is doable, I did not have a lot of pain and was even able to go on my treadmill. The drains are the worst part , they are uncomfortable and at night you can only sleep on one side. I even had a bath, which you are not supposed to, I just made sure the water level was below the drain. The good thing is that they are only in for a few weeks. Pamper yourself , get books, magazines , munchies and movies to keep you mind occupied , you'll do fine. I also lined up some craft projects beforehand , that I could just sit and do, I did the same during chemo. I had an apt on my iPad for meditation and that helped with anxiety , have you asked for anxiety meds. It is very overwhelming but itdoes get easier.

Jazzygirl-Thank you so much for your response and advice! You are so sweet and helpful!And thank you also LookForward! You all have helped me here more than any other resource!

We are planning on moving our recliner out of the basement and into our bedroom. I am so happy we have one. Like Valstim, I am nervous about the drains. I heard they were such a drag. But I have had neck surgery before and was pregnant with twins last year, so I know how to rest and stay still very well and love TV and reading so passing the time is never a problem for me!

I am concerned about how to prepare emotionally for the BMX. For those who had surgery, how did you all cope with such a huge change in your body? How were your emotions? I already feel like a freak with no hair and less of a woman, less feminine now, and am worried about more depression after the BMX...

LookingForward and Jazzygirl: Thank you both so much for the encouragement! And for sharing your stories!

Yes I am 42 and have a healthy 4 year old girl and 1 year old boy. Unfortunately our baby girl twin (Georgia💗) only lived for 1 day and 6 hours, because she had Trisomy 18. So it has been quite a year. We had secondary infertility, a very hard time getting pregnant the second time, so I miss Georgia greatly but focus on what I do have. Staying grateful is my motto of surviving loss and surviving cancer. I lost my Dad (2001), Mom (2005) and my 36 year old brother (2007) which taught me to cling to the ones left, as we never know when our number is up. I cried only at the time of diagnosis because it meant no more children (we were going to try for one more) and I had to stop nursing my son, who was 10 months then. Especially knowing it would be my last kid, I would have nursed forever! (Well as long as he wanted!)

My sweet kids are very well behaved and I have the most loving, caring and wonderful husband who has been my hero through everything. Jesus is my rock but my husband is our human rock! i also have very helpful and supportive in-laws and a great friend who is the day care for my children who helps us out so much and is another angel!

LookingForward-I am so sorry they read the scan wrong. That is so maddening! Because I had multiple tumors in the right breast and some cancerous lymph nodes, they wanted chemo first in case it had spread elsewhere. I was mad at myself as well for not catching the cancer sooner. I found it the day before Thanksgiving, and my primary care doctor didn't find it on my breastexam on November 3rd!

Jazzygirl: Thanks and yes I am getting TEs placed after the BMX and after I heal from radiation I will have recon, which won't be until January. As for a support group, I consider this group a great support! If I find myself depressed I will definitely consider it. I am a member of the hermit club, haha, so I don't always like being around people, but we shall see!

You all are angels and I am so thankful for you!

Georgia you certainly have had a heart breaking year, good to see you have support from hubby and in-laws . Sending you hugs.

I having reconstruction hopefully later this year, can't wait.

Another hermit here. I already had PTSD and BC has just made it worse. Especially since I am a single mother of two younger kids, NO family around to help me, and few friends. I actually started sobbing in bed over this lack of support and how I will manage and function thru surgery and with any follow up treatments. It seems like every time I do ask for help the answer is No, or it just isn't there

Jenn- I am sorry to hear of your struggles and can tell you are very overwhelmed.

This is what I know from my own experience, not everyone can or wants to step up when we need it. I don't have any family where I live either, but do have a strong network of friends. I found a few people who could just be present to help me through what I needed help with. If you don't have anyone saying yes, you need to keep looking for other resources that will help. Here are a few ideas:

There are some cancer support groups where women will come in and clean your house for you free of charge. This could be something to help you with things at home.

http://www.cleaningforareason.org/

Also, contact your local cancer societies to let them know of your situation. There are organizations like Koman, American Cancer Society, etc. may be able to advise you on groups that can give you rides for medical apts when you need them (one of the biggest challenges, etc.) There may be other groups for cancer support and often the volunteers are other cancer survivors, and they just get all this. They may have some support groups you can tap into as well. BCO is a wonderful resource, but sometimes the women here find local support groups can really help too.

Let us know how else we can help?

Ducky, Happy Birthday!! )

At home this morning taking care of a few things before I had to my client site.

This flower is for all the newbees here. Things seem very hard and dark and difficult right now. But you will come through this and be like this flower, opening to the light.

Loving- I went through a similar crisis when first diagnosed. They thought I had ovarian cancer based on something that came up in a CT scan pre surgery. It was something else completely (and you would not believe the story). Your body is very stress right now and things may be out of balance, but they will be sure to check everything.

I am sorry things are so hard, sending big hugs your way.

Folks who don't have cancer don't understand how we feel, even if they are well meaning. Of course you are going to worry!

One foot in front of the other right now friend. The only way to get through this and taking it one day at a time. It is the only way through this.

*Good Morning Hermits*

I wanted to stop by before the 1st 2 weeks of a busy May.

My snow-glories were covered with poor man's fertilizer during the last Tuesday in April.

Enjoy April/May weekend. )

Lovely blooms!

*Good Morning Hermits*

Thursday was in the 80's, but possible snow Sunday night.

The following pic was taken from on-line.

BBL